I’d choose supernaturally strategic. Beauty fades. Often it’s vapid. Anyone looks attractive if reasonably fit/good haircut/simple clothes, good posture and a little personal style. http://www.thesartorialist.blogspot.com/ Diana Vreeland wasn’t comely but she had unforgettable style. Rich. Have met some incredibly tacky stupid empty and unhappy rich people. Sometimes what’s here today is gone tomorrow. Rich is also subjective. There are legions of people who have rich lives without a lot of money. Smarts I value more than anything, but the world is filled with smart people without the drive or creativity or pragmatics or discipline to pull together an interesting life outside of their mind and the local cafe, i.e. Berkeley is the HQ for unemployed Phds. Strategy is why Athena favored Odysseus over any other mortal. If you are strategic you can create the rest and more. And in an Age of Transition where everything is in play there is danger; and because of that, even more opportunity for the strategic.

I buy nearly all organic, vegetarian, non-GMO soy products, and organic cotton to use capital to help bend culture to sustainable practices. I like the “Gorgeously Green” author’s short vid tips to save money on organics: http://www.gorgeouslygreen.com/ I’ve cut way back on restaurants. My occasional ‘bad’ is a French boulangerie better than most in Paris…smells incredible. http://www.baybread.com/book.php This is terrific. Four very cool NYC foodies having lunch at the French Laundry in Napa. It’s the best restaurant in California, some say the US, and one of the best in the world. If ever come to Napa it’s the place to try. And if not, even the vid is fun. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G-5Sol8K-3o

Gianna—Hope your Sunday dinner went well. And that you didn’t take my words as not understanding your daughter’s situation…..as mentioned earlier my friend’s daughter has had anorexia for 3-5 years they’ve done everything imaginable….constant hospitalizations, changing doctors, commitments to $100K month out of state special treatment centers. After the month there she seemed improved and was accepted at every college she applied to…but it wasn’t possible…just before the term started another long ambulance drive to a hospital in another part of the state for a long stay. Have you seen this resource list. http://www.anred.com/bib.html this was one of the inpatient programs she was in…they also have some online free resources Hope the dinner situation was improved…nothing more unnerving than concern about one’s child(ren) http://www.lpch.org/clinicalSpecialtiesServices/ClinicalSpecialties/Eati…

Star- Our own Surgeon Generals over several administrations has said this is a national crisis of the last 20 years that can be attributed to advertising and the rise of fast food….I didn’t see it as an attempt to discriminate but to counteract unhealthful (and overwhelmingly powerful) cultural influences. It does seem pretty aggressive…if Japan has national health care that could be a reason why…ie to reduce raised health costs.

Lily, You’re right my sisters credentials are not mine—I have far more experience than either of my sisters who are both very educated, professional/licensed women in helping professions, and both overweight as adults and both have taken anti-depressants. I’ve been/done neither. As much as I admire both, certainly wouldn’t take nutritional/exercise advice from either. “You are so very fortunate to enjoy good health.” I happen to be legally disabled with a scary/debilitating neurological condition and am healthy because I am pro-active, informed, have a great professional background and keep learning. I was also Director of a College of Health And Human Services for a reason, and managed major medical center design also for a reason, and have researched and written major university grant proposals [that were funded] for preventative nutrition/fitness/health center programs. Very few mental health/medical doctors have more than negligible nutritional education, that is why consumers need to be very proactive. Only one-third of the 125 or so medical schools in the country require students to take courses in nutrition. At Cornell University’s School of Medicine the nutrition course is eight hours. Two-thirds of of the medical schools in this country offer only elective courses in nutrition. The Surgeon General has said Obesity is the #1 health problem. It isn’t about looks/size it’s about health. Being overweight/not exercising greatly increases the incidence of/accelerates cancer, asthma, cardiovascular disease, stroke and diabetes. • In the last 20 years US obesity rates doubled among adults. 30% of the adult population is obese. (this rise correlates with the rise of fast foods) • In the last 20 years overweight rates have tripled among adolescents – increasing the number of years they are exposed to the health risks of obesity. • Type 2 adult diabetes is now being diagnosed among those under 18, including half of the pediatric diabetes cases, when previously pediatric Type 2 diabetes total was almost unknown. Overweight children with Type 2 diabetes are at risk of suffering complications of kidney disease, blindness and amputations. •61% of overweight 5- to10-year-olds have at least one risk factor for heart disease, one -quarter have two or more risk factors. Though the primary behaviors causing the obesity epidemic are well known and preventable: physical inactivity and unhealthy diet, still: • Only 25% of U.S. adults eat five or more servings of fruits and vegetables each day. • Less than 25% of adolescents eat five or more servings of fruits and vegetables each day. • Over 50% od adults do not get sufficient activity to provide health benefits. • Over 30% of those in grades 9–12 do not get sufficient physical activity. Direct health costs related to obesity were estimated at $75 billion in 2003. For those under 18 annual hospital costs related to obesity has more than tripled in the last 20 years. A head of Center for Disease Control discussing the serious cultural epidemic of obesity and overweight and consequences: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/21134540/vp/14384657#14384657 It is very difficult for people (especially over the age of 40) to maintain healthy weight without solid nutritional knowledge (which is very low in the greater population) We don’t teach it in schools except in a very superficial manner. The surgeon general has stated that addressing obesity/fitness would have the single greatest impact in decreasing chronic disease in individuals and the medical crisis in the US. We have a therapy/over medicated/pill-popping/obese culture from people not being informed enough. It is nearly always up to the individual to become self-educated. “Some people are born with these genetic defects that run in families.” That’s obviously true, but it is not the norm, and anyone with any problem should always be screened by doctors. I think that the general population is smart enough to know that since it is repeated constantly throughout US society PSAs, etc. From a major study of environmental (ie ‘Fast Food’ nation, inner cities without access to fresh produce, etc.) and genetic factors in weight: “Environmental changes can significantly raise or lower average weight—as, in fact, they have….the arrival of television…. the proliferation of fast food.” “Just because something is genetically caused doesn’t mean it can’t be behaviorally controlled. As an example, phenylketonuria, a genetic disease whose symptoms are commonly averted by altering the patient’s diet.” “To the extent that genetics overlaps with fattening behavior, old dichotomies have to be chucked. You can’t just blame fat people for eating too much. Nor can you assume that because fat is hereditary, there’s nothing they or society can do about it.” “The authors propose a “behavioral, genetic model” of overweight… “creating healthier external environments,” along with “teaching vulnerable persons to adopt life-long prudent habits.” Ergo: Their conclusion was that there is a biological predisposition tp suffer harm from common environmental factors. [Some are more inclined to follow the cultural/environment…ie ‘Fat Food Nation” relatively sedentary lifestyle.] “It’s more of a struggle for some than for others.” Not exercising, eating unhealthy foods, drinking/smoking are major contributors to depression. “You are entitled to your beliefs. I do not agree with them. That is my privilege. You are not always right.” I wonder why you are so defensive. I state my opinions…..obviously no one is always right. I certainly am not. It is everyone’s “privilege” to state their opinions. I sincerely doubt my opinion has that much, if any, influence on anyone. Grown-up women make their own choices. I have absolutely zero control over what others think or do. “This is a forum to share information.” Yes, it is. I don’t happen to believe in ‘victim’ views that many embrace [including the disempowering language and beliefs that go along with it], while also decrying their inability to break addiction cycles. And you’re right, I wouldn’t be a fan of Collette Dowling because I personally know so many better educated more qualified individuals. She went back to school AFTER 9/11 to receive an LMSW in social work (ie sometime in the last 5 years.) She is not one of the hundreds of highly respected medical professionals I’ve worked with for over 20 years at the top teaching medical centers in the US, nor is she a Phd, nor a nutritionist. I’ve said repeatedly that I am very empathetic with people who have addictions, and have observed very painful, costly eating disorders and would really like to see people live free from those cycles as described in the Anne Marie story. The main contributors to cancer, stroke, heart disease, diabetes, hypertension, depression, are being overweight, inactive, and not eating fresh healthy foods. There are plenty of conditions that are genetic…but they can be helped by diet and exercise. There are 1.2 million of new cancer cases each year 560,000 died from cancer last year, our second leading cause of death The American Institute for Cancer Research’s Diet & Cancer Project Report based on 4,500 research studies was the first ever international review of diet and cancer, and is the most comprehensive report ever in the field of diet and cancer. The AICR Report (again based on 4,500 separate research studies) concluded that our dietary choices play an overwhelming role in helping to protect us against, and fight, cancer [and other diseases] Eating right, plus staying physically active and maintaining a healthy weight [not being overweight by more than 11 pounds as an adult], can cut cancer risk by 30% to 40% Their recommendations coupled with not smoking has the potential to reduce cancer risk by 60% to 70% As many as 375,000 cases of cancer, at current cancer rates, could be prevented each year in this nation through healthy dietary choices A simple change, such as eating the recommended five servings of fruits and vegetables each day, could by itself reduce cancer rates more than 20% The American Institute for Cancer Research spends $54 million to research in diet, nutrition and cancer at universities, hospitals and research centers in 41 states and in 6 other countries. Nutrition Hotline (1-800-843-8114) American Institute for Cancer Research 1759 R Street N.W. Washington, D.C. 20009 1-800-843-8114 (202) 328-7744 in Washington, D.C. Web: http://www.aicr.org The Report’s Advice to Individuals: 1) Choose predominantly plant-based diets rich in a variety of vegetables and fruits, (legumes) and minimally processed starchy staple foods. 2) Avoid being underweight or overweight and limit weight gain during adulthood to less than 11 pounds. 3) Take an hour’s brisk walk daily, and also exercise vigorously for a at least one hour in a week. 4) Eat five or more servings a day of a variety of vegetables and fruits, all year round. 5) Eat seven servings a day of a variety of cereals, grains, legumes, roots, tubers and plantains. Minimally processed foods. Limit sugar. 6) Alcohol consumption is not recommended. If consumed, limit alcoholic drinks to less than two drinks a day for men and one for women. 7) If eaten at all, limit intake of red meat to less than 3 ounces daily. It is preferable to choose fish, poultry and meat from non-domesticated animals in place of red meat. 8) Limit consumption of fatty foods, particularly those of animal origin. Choose modest amounts of appropriate vegetable oils. 9) Limit consumption of salted foods and use of cooking and table salt. Use herbs and spices to season foods. 10) Use refrigeration and other appropriate methods to preserve perishable foods as purchased and at home. 11) Do not eat charred food. For meat and fish eaters, avoid burning of meat juices. Consume the following only occasionally: meat and fish grilled (broiled) in direct flame; cured and smoked meats. 12) Do not smoke or chew tobacco. For myself this diet doesn’t go far enough because I think all organic/non-processed/non-GMO/no sugar and vegetarian is healthiest for individuals and the planet. Although it certaintly would be a major step forward for the overall population to adopt.

Gianna- “Something I have noticed about this website, maybe it’s just me, but it’s already formed little cliques, just like high school” You’re right, it’s not just you, and it’s driven off some of the smartest, most informed and nicest women like JackieOh, Renata, Taylor, AB, Lorraine, and others. Am hoping they will return and just ignore it.

Star and Gianna, I’m a lot older than your girls and I sometimes feel I specialize in lame decisions.

Joan, You are brilliant, ditto.

She left a $4 billion estate, $35B to charity and outright gifts to family and driver. Her only son died before her and two of her grandchildren were left sums on the condition that they visit their father’s grave every year, two were cut out completely due to ‘reasons they know.’ I’m not a fan of the lady but it’s important to be fair. If it were me I’d leave the other two grandchildren something too with a stipulation they fulfill whatever it was that bothered her that seemed to be family ill will. Require them to write a positive tribute, sign a statement to never speak about the person again, and put the money in a trust fund. http://cityroom.blogs.nytimes.com/2007/08/29/leona-helmsleys-unusual-las…

Realize by this thread that one reason want to know how to do things, is that my mother, as competent in other areas, never wanted to know anything about a car except that it was immaculate, full of gas, and that you put in the key and then choose ‘P’, ‘D’, or ‘R’. She had the five of us kids in the car on the freeway to drop us off at the jr. college pool that was opened to the public in summer because we loved the high dive, etc. The man in the next car kept honking, waving, and weaving towards our car. Mom didn’t look because men were always whistling etc, she said, “Just ignore him.” I did look and he seemed quite frantic. He was pointing to the back of our station wagon. I turned around….there were flames shooting out. “Mom the car’s on fire.” The kids all wheeled around. She dive-bombed across traffic and onto the off-ramp and straight through to a gas station. “Get out and run.” The workers waved her off. When she looked confused, a man opened the door, pulled her out, and drove the car straight into an adjacent field and the gas station men in the white shirts and caps they wore then…ran with fire extinguishers and put it out just as the fire trucks arrived. Exciting. My little brother watched everything silently then looked up at Mom, “How are we getting to the plunge?”

Yes, and I learned about the beauty of keeping extra fuses in the glovebox from having a Volvo that just stopped in the fast land once because that particular model had electrical problems and would blow fuses and then the fuel injector system wouldn’t work. Nice. All that was required to fix it was a tiny el cheapo fuse.

Love power tools. Think I need to go buy something pink.

Sometimes it’s not smart to do something just because we can. A Japanese exchange student who lived with during her English program at UCSB and I were driving back from Universal Studios (ugh, but she wanted to go) on the busiest part of the freeway going through the San Fernando Valley at 10PM on way back up to my place in Santa Barbara. We were in the fast lane, traffic all going 70 MPG (another ugh) and bumper to bumper (LA people drive like nuts) when up ahead a flatbed truck lost its load of railroad ties on the road. Cars blew tires and spun-out as soon as they hit the massive ties, then they hit other cars and pile-up ensued, one crash after another. I couldn’t slam on brakes or would be hit from behind, There was no pull-off at the left, just a concrete berm, and speeding cars on the right. The railroad ties were right ahead no way to avoid. “Hold on Miyuki” we hit them at 70MPH and the front tires blew—but I was driving a new Volvo and it remained as steady as can be. Then we were near a tiny spot to pull off the fast lane, but still inches from all the cars that were still hitting rails and spinning around. A car of teenaged boys stopped and went to Miyuki’s window and I motioned them to come around to mine next to the barrier. “Kids, no I don’t want your help, thank you. I’d like your mother not to get a call tonight so please stay in your car with the seat belts on in case it gets hit, too.” A battalion of Fire Trucks, police cars, tow trucks, ambulances (thankfully no major injuries) came and shut the freeway down and began to detangle everything. Miyuki sat bolt upright snapping photos of the brightly lit-up, steaming metallic sculpture. “Ah, like Universal Studio.” The tow truck driver said that if we’d been in anything other than a Volvo probably would have flipped because of the angle and speed at which we hit. I let them replace the two tires and drove slowly back to Santa Barbara. With Miyuki it was always one exciting day after another. We still email back and forth 18 years later, and have visited too. She lives in Kyoto. Her father, brothers, and husband went to Harvard Medical school. She has two little girls and a very hectic life. She says ‘Santa Barbara” and that life she had for 6 months with us is always like her dream. “Nothing like that ever again.” And to think I almost said no…that wasn’t up to housing and entertaining another student. Jane, “we don’t all have to be good at everything” impossible too.

Ha. When I go to my friend’s in Shell Beach…she’s older and lives alone in a big house on the water and isn’t handy. Eventually there’s a list for me (things her gardener, housekeepers, or the lady who comes in to do paperwork can’t do) including cooking festive meals. It’s a magical house that makes me smile just to think of it, including all the crazy little projects. How to get a broken-off chandelier bulb-base out of the rusted socket in the antique bedside wall sconce without shutting off electrical and then having to reboot too many things? Tried different non-electricity conducting things to stick in the socket to get traction and unscrew the badly stuck base. A very dry carrot worked. Then onto repairing a wicker picnic basket, re—gluing the wallpaper all around her huge bedroom/sitting/dressing room 20” ceiling line, re-plastering the bathroom wall to re-anchor loose towel bars etc with toggle bolts. While there she went into diabetic shock and had to make numerous phone calls on two cell phones and land line simultaneously while reading tiny print to figure out how to test blood and put it in the reader and figure out what it means, and then take the right actions. We were laughing about it later after the ER etc, but jeese we’ve had a wide scope of things in the last 20 years….balls, meeting cool celebs through her rock-star son-in-law, trips, but I always remember the little puttering things and sitting on the terrace with wine when the sun’s sinking into the sea. Great friend.

After reading Lynda, JMK, Dona’s post and thinking of all the suffering in the world…We meet lost loved ones again in some form. For now their immortality is the love that we have for them, and the immortality we earn is the love that we give including in good works. I love what Judy Collins said, ““Suffering is the price of being alive, and it is music and singing and art that has helped me live through some of the most difficult things that have happened to me.” So many times in life when a beautiful niece died at 16, two brother-in-laws and a husband too young and others…..wound up sitting in some church, or leafy dell, or by the sea alone sorting out my thoughts with “Amazing Grace” running through my head. The things we’d never wish to happen do, we reel from them, and then recognize again how fragile and beautiful life is, and how it must be restored. We are amazing beings to laugh, cry, lose, suffer, dream, create and celebrate and to keep doing that over and over again. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lhc7MEYY-Ho