Don, I carry my office - including Skype - in a flash drive, too. I don’t know how I ever managed without one!

BlogHer is the community for women who blog! Our website is here: http://www.blogher.com/ and if you click on all of our pages, you will see what all we do! (We do everything, by the way… .) Each summer we have a conference wherein we come together and share ideas and philosophies and hopes and dreams and tangibles and intangibles. It’s the highlight of my life and I absolutely LOVE IT. This summer, BlogHer was at the Westin St. Francis in San Francisco, with the occasional sidetrack into Macy’s and Ruby Skye. If you do a Google search for BlogHer, you’ll find thousands of blogposts about it. Honestly? It was more fun than my wedding night. And that, my dears, is a hell of a lot of fun. Our ages vary from 18 to 90, and it was SO. MUCH. FUN. I’ve never seen so many laptops in one place in my life. Get involved with BlogHer, ladies. It’s an enriching experience!!!

I’ve just returned from a speaking gig at the BlogHer conference in SF, and I can tell you up front that technology is NOT just for the young! Two thousand tech-savvy blogging women ranging in age from 18 to 88, all in one hotel, was like paradise for me. I have never been all that interested in shoes, fashion, expensive travel, or gossip, but put me in an electronics store and I’m smiling from ear to ear. How lovely to find a column that speaks to someone like me! Although, the assumption that we are not already knowledgeable about Skype and the like, and that only a younger person can give us this information, is a bit unnerving… .

Without George Carlin, I honestly feel cast adrift. I very nearly worshiped him. There is something about a caustic, funny intellectual that is irresistible. I am swept off my feet by a witty turn of phrase, and George Carlin was the master of the witty turn of phrase.

Lily and Jane make the whole internet a lovely and pleasant place. You know, kind of like they do to the planet? Such wit, such humor, such innate niceness… Oh ladies, won’t you move next door to me? If you were my neighbors, I’d never ask for another thing from Karma.

I do not believe in censorship, and certainly Ann Coulter has a right to speak her mind, as do we all. I understand how most people are feeling about seeing her here, but I wish we would all try to be a little nicer in expressing indignation and disbelief. But I will have to say that finding Ann Coulter FEATURED here on WOWOW is very, very, very, very disillusioning. I am disappointed. Very disappointed.

I have worn Chanel #5 since I was 24. I never knew anyone else “around these parts” who wore it, so to me, it smells like the grown-up ME. Although, you know… this is embarrassing… if I could find some HeavenScent and some Ambush (the original, not the re-worked atrocity they’re selling now), I would probably buy them and set them on my dresser and look at them, and reminisce about high school. And occasionally spritz a little on my neck for old time’s sake.

Adultery is never pretty. Adulterers are never justified. You can throw all the glitter in the world on a pile of manure, but it will still stink. Hubby is a creepy whore-monger and the young employee is a slut. Harsh? Why? If the shoe fits… .

Spouses are fair game. Children are not. Parents, grandparents, brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles, cousins, etc. should not be of any political concern unless they elbow in where they shouldn’t go. Pushy loudmouths and idiots are always fair game.

I wonder sometimes if we aren’t encouraging “those” girls to get pregnant by making it so easy on them in other ways. Day care in high schools, food vouchers, all those classes in “self esteem” because whatever you choose to do with your life is A-OK!!!!!! Telling people of any age that a behavior is shameful just isn’t done any more, and maybe it should be. I really resent the daylights out of having to help support people who make stupid decisions - of their own free will, mind you - and then can’t manage the consequences. The media is partially responsible by making shack-ups and illegitimate births, etc, seem like viable lifestyles, but ultimately? It all boils down to how smart you are, because the intelligent girls aren’t going to fall for the Britney/Lindsey/Jamie Lynn/Brangelina nonsense that passes for news and is portrayed as decent behavior. “Stupid” might be a politically incorrect term these days, but it sure seems to apply to a lot of people out there.

Mr. Short, the driver’s ed teacher who taught me AND my children how to drive, would not pass us until we’d changed a tire in front of him. Thank goodness, too. I’ve needed and used that skill. Bless you, Mr. Short. I roof houses, too. It’s just like quilting, only you use nails instead of thread. What’s the big deal? Everybody should know the basic life skills.

I got married in my sister’s dress, which I didn’t even try on until the night before. I forgot to buy shoes, so I wore brown sandals. No veil; I hate anything touching my head. The high school catering class at the vocational school catered the reception, and it was simple and beautiful. This was before the current ridiculous trend of treating your guests to a buffet supper. I paid for my two attendants’ dresses; I firmly believe that asking friends to shell out the big bucks for a dress they wouldn’t be caught dead in to wear anywhere else is a sin and a crime and the very opposite of friendship. The organist was a personal friend and “did me” for half price. The church was over half buried in snow and most of the guests were unable to get there. No flower girl or ring bearer - I’ve seen too many smelly crying little kids walking down the aisle with a soaked diaper between their ankles. My wedding was laid-back and delightful and a riot of fun, and it only cost a few hundred bucks. It would have cost less, but my mother MADE me buy corsages for all the men and some kind of weird floral display for the altar. Who cared? NOt me! I still wish I had the money instead; what nonsense! I wonder sometimes if people who put such ostentatiousness and cash into the wedding are overcompensating for what they’re not going to be putting into the marriage.

The Tony Awards is the only awards show of any kind that I ever watch. In fact, it’s the ONLY television show I ever watch. A couple of hours, once a year, and forever on YouTube: that’s how I do it!

I’ll just continue to grow my own! Store tomatoes are a bland substitute for real tomatoes! You don’t have to go out and buy any expensive equipment to grow upside-down tomatoes, either. Check out Steve Spangler’s blog and you’ll see how to do it with cheap buckets with handles. http://www.stevespangler.com/archives/2008/05/29/upside-down-tomatoes/

Dear Hilary, Acknowledge that you blew this one. Now go home and try to take care of your own vineyard. Before anyone can try to change the world, she/he must try to change his/her own circumstances. Your years of enabling Bill’s shoddy behavior have caught up with you. Better luck next time. I wish you well, and I think you need to grab a nice margarita, a good book, and put your feet up for a while. —Mamacita P.S. Apparently, I missed some interesting stuff last week, huh.