Wailea, Maui - the birds waking you as the misty dawn reaches the West Maui mountains in the distance; the scented breezes caressing your skin; the powdery-soft beach sand and the music of the waves breaking on shore; the incredible sunsets which reflect their colors on the lava rocks and the wet shoreline; and knowing that you’re in this most magical and spiritual place with the one you love. Heaven on earth.

I never smoked - my Mother did; she had started as a teenager, in the 1940’s, when it was sophisticated and very fashionable to do so. Luckily for me, I hated being around cigarettes, and I thought that it was dirty, smelly, and disgusting. Sadly, my Mother never could quit (even after being hospitalized for four months following having a lung removed). As soon as she was out of the hospital, she began smoking again. It broke my heart when I lost her to emphysema - she was only 59. Now, when I see teenagers smoking, I want to run over and rip the cigarettes out of their mouths. The only good thing about my Mother’s smoking is that it made me decide that I was never going to do it.

I found out via web-searching that the man whom I will always have feelings for now lives with his wife and children in the next town, 2 miles from my house. I have been told that his wife is very petite like myself, and her first name is eerily similar to mine. He is the one who ended the relationship over a decade ago (because I was unhappily married at the time), but I really don’t know what to think about all this. When mutual friends mention my name, he always changes the subject, and never acknowledges that I exist. It might not mean anything, and I certainly don’t think that it means that he still loves me, but it’s fundamentally disturbing to me. I’m just thankful that I know where he is, so that I can avoid spending any time in his town… I wish that I could make some sense of the situation.

Hey there Frannie, Thanks for asking! I am doing great, and I hope that you are, also. It might sound corny, but I’ll be thankful just for being alive this Thursday, and for my fellow “sisters” who are going through the same thing. It’s a club you don’t aspire to join, but once you do, you have soulmates for life. Be well, my friend.

One thing that I can highly recommend (requires a prescription) is the Estring. For women who don’t want to bother with applying cream or inserting tablets, you just insert a pliable ring into the v-canal, which slowly releases a small amount of estrogen over a 3-month time period. This also doesn’t increase your hormonal blood levels, which is a must for hormone-positive breast cancer patients like myself, for example. There’s no mess; you don’t even know it’s there, but it really works!

I had been very judgmental of women who were not faithful to their husbands - until I became one of those women. As my wise Grandmother said, “No one knows what really goes on in anyone else’s marriage”. And, guess what? Other women were not understanding about my situation at all! As a woman who is unfaithful, you are judged much more harshly, especially by your peers. There is a “double standard”. My one affair happened over a decade ago; but I will never lose the place I have in my heart for “the other man”, who was there for me when my husband wasn’t. I know that my husband realized that he was neglecting me, and that this was a “wake-up” call for him. He knows that he came close to losing me, and I’m so grateful that we are still very much in love.

Knowing that I am loved Being where my husband is Taking walks and looking at nature Puppies Reading Seeing great works of art firsthand Hawai’i Being near the ocean Accepting myself as I am Tiramisu Hugs Laughing out loud Realizing that “The best things in life aren’t things”

I hope that she will recover from this. She has my best wishes.

Frannie, Thanks so much for your wonderful words of support. You had to go through much more than me, and you are one of my heroes! 7 years is a testament to your inner strength and determination. We will both go through life knowing that cancer couldn’t have us (it took my Dad, Aunt, Uncle). I will keep my positive attitude, because I really believe that it’s such an important component of getting well, and remaining well. I’m here for you.

Echoing Frannie, I have to say that hearing the words “You have breast cancer” 15 months ago was the beginning of a long sail into uncharted waters. It has been a journey that no one would choose, but one that truly makes you see yourself in a totally different light. It sounds strange, but I am much richer for having this experience. I have found more inner resolve and determination, and have surprised myself at the reserve of strength that I didn’t know I had! The diagnosis is a gift in some ways; it will cause you to again realize that the “little things” in life are what is really important. I decided the instant I was diagnosed that I would never let cancer (and the exams/scans/surgeries/radiation) take my smile from me. I plan to live a very long time, and I don’t ever wonder “Will it come back?”. I remain a positive person as I continue my sail…

I went to an all-girl private high school, which I absolutely hated, so no, I’ve never gone to a reunion. It was an awkward time for me, and I wouldn’t want to be there again. I found most of the girls to be shallow and “backstabby”. Being one of the “smart” ones, I concentrated on my studies (I was awarded a full scholarship to College), and moved on! Interestingly, though, I do attend my husband’s High School reunions, which are very enjoyable, because many of his classmates went to the same College as myself.

I remember seeing him in concert, and borrowing binoculars so that I could get a good look at that beautiful face…I always cry when I hear the song “Sleep’s Dark and Silent Gate”; remembering that his lovely, troubled wife committed suicide, leaving him with an adorable baby boy. “The Pretender” carries this fresh heartbreak throughout: it is a masterpiece.

Liz, I also never carry a purse. I like to have my hands free, and I originally started doing this so as not to attract muggers when I worked for several years in Manhattan! True, you do need a pocket or two, but it’s amazing how liberating it is not to be (literally) weighed down by unnecessary stuff. I use one of those expandable phone-cord wrist keychain bracelets to hold my house key - very useful. I always carry tissues, a $20 or two, ID, and my Blistex Lip Tone (I’m very low-maintenance, which I think is a must for the “no-purse” lifestyle). The most I ever carry is my leather business-card case, which holds bills/ID/credit cards. I’m a huge technical/travelwear fan (Ex Officio, for one), so there’s no shortage of pocket-laden clothing which is practical and classic. You go. Liz!!