When I was a kid, I was sure (as, you know, I am today) that I knew everything.  I understood the entire process, of course.  But what worried me was that a baby might get delivered into the toilet and get flushed away by mistake. 

When I was a little older, and my parents left "the book" lying around for me, I analyzed the entire process of copulation and realized that sex and orgasm are neither magic nor mystical but are basic physiology.  Quite a discovery for an eleven-year-old.  Add to that my mother’s statement that, "Of course Nature made sex enjoyable because the aim and goal of Nature is reproduction of all living things" and you can see my sex life stretching before your eyes :)

I said to my son, "When a boy is grown up and can afford a house and, especially, a washing machine and a dryer…"  I also told him, "Before you put ‘it’ anywhere, put it in a plastic bag." 

My daughter, by contrast, told her four-year-old daugher all the gory details.  As a result, my granddaughter drew a picture which she explained thus, "The man  and woman are going to have a baby so they are dancing around at home with no clothes on."

My girlfriend was a hairdresser and, at the end of the day, a man came in and asked for a haircut.  She agreed to give him one and the other members of staff left. 

As she was cutting his hair, she saw his hand going up and down under the cape.  Aaiiii!  What was he doing?

She picked up the hairdryer and hit him on the head.  OUCH!!! Then she had to apologize because….he had been polishing his glasses.

I suffered tremendous psychological abuse from my mother while I was growing up.  The hitting (not beating, just hitting my head or slapping my face) was nothing (indeed, I thought it was normal!) compared to the constant undermining of my self-confidence.  And when she was angry with me (usually because she’d make me cry and then get angry that I "made a scene"), she would not speak to me for days or weeks until I apologized. According to her brother, my uncle, this behavior started before I can even remember but he didn’t reveal this important information to me until she was dead.

As soon as I could, I moved 3000 miles away and, when she visited, she continued to try to control me.  However, as I matured, I learned how to deal with her.

What was the great gift that she gave me?  Whenever I wasn’t sure how to react to something my children said or wanted, I would think what she would have said or done AND THEN I WOULD SAY OR DO THE OPPOSITE.

My son claims to have had the happiest childhood of anyone he knows and my daughter is a wonderful mother to my two grandchildren who adore me.

THANKS, MOM!!

Yours is a real cry for help, Kuanyjal Gai.  I don’t know where you live but, if you can find a way to talk to any kind of professional (social worker, minister, priest or even your hairdresser), you may be able to get some help that will make your situation more bearable.  You deserve help and you deserve to learn strategies to cope with the difficulties that life has given you.  Be brave and look for someone to help you! 

I see that this is your first post on WOW.  The women (and a few men) who post on WOW are really smart and supportive, even if they don’t always agree.  Take advantage of their wisdom.  Ask questions and they will reply. They will become your friends. 

Thirty years would have made sure that he will die in prison; 75 years would have made sure that any one convicted of a similar crime would die in prison.  So 150 years is purely symbolic.  And why do we need symbolism here?

Elie Wiesel, holocaust survivor and author, who lost all his money and who runs a Holocaust foundation that also lost all its money, suggested an appropriate punishment:

"I would like him to be in a solitary cell with only a screen, and on that screen for at least five years of his life, every day and every night, there should be pictures of his victims, one after the other after the other, all the time a voice saying, ‘Look what you have done to this old lady, look what you have done to that child, look what you have done,’ nothing else."

When I did a load of wash last night, I did, however, think of Madoff and realized that he will never again have a clean white towel or wear his own underwear.  All the little things we take for granted have been taken from him for ever.  That’s pretty satisfying, I have to say.

I took the advice of some kind WOWsers and didn’t go to the sentencing (most of you know, by now, that I lost some but not all my money in the Madoff scam).  I am glad that I didn’t go because, in the end, there was something sordid about the whole thing.  I am glad not to have, in my head, the mental images of Madoff apologizing (big deal) and the victims berating him.  It is enough to read about the events on line.

Was the sentencing disproportionate and did it provide that great contemporary word "closure"?

I think that a minimum of 30 years would have guaranteed that Madoff would die in prison and a maximum of 75 years would have guaranteed that any similar fraudster would die in prison.  Thus, 150 years seems pretty pointless.

Closure?  Closure came when I realized and accepted that I am a lot better off than 99% of people on this planet and that I can live a little more modestly without missing anything important.  I still don’t know if the IRS will refund my capital gains taxes (they say that they will but I’ll believe it when I see it) and, if I get anything back from SIPC (which I’m supposed to but, again, I’ll believe it when I see it), it will be a bonus.  Fortunately, I don’t have to hold my breath until these issues work their way out. 

Thanks, WOWsers, for all your kind words and support since the scandal erupted last December.  You have helped a great deal!!

When I die, I expect (and hope) that my immediate family and close friends will grieve for me.  However, even if I were famous, I would not want others to waste their tears and emotions on my death.  I would prefer that they continue to see that the trials of the living outweigh the departures of the dead. If someone said to my children, "Your mom is dead, get over it," that would be heartless.  But "Sam is dead, get over it" would be the perfect comment to someone who never knew me and who was wasting time and emotional energy on my death.

Here’s a "Woman on the Web" that we should be talking about instead of the late singer:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wSdF5KCuxy8