I am a single parent—you do just what a any PARENT would do….I never use the single parent card.

If attacking your Father physically and threatening to kill him constantly is not ”rock bottom” than what is?Eventually you may get a call re your brothers demise….you will not be happy.

By now he should have been jailed for ”A/B and Threatening to Murder” or admitted to a state mental institution as he is clearly a danger to himself and those around him.

Sometimes you have to hurt people to help them in the long run—you remove their control and freedom and pray that does it.

I am so sorry for you….he was just starting his life and you were taking such good care of him.

Don’t be too hard on yourself-

you wouldn’t believe the things that were said between my son and I when he was drunk and using.

I fear the day you spoke of—when your soncame home drunk again. No matter how ling sober-I still worry about it and it has been over 4 years. I personally would have reacted the same way you did-I would have lost it completely.

When ever someone dies the first thing most people remember—even when alcohol is not involved- is something negative that they said or did with that person—it is human nature to do so.

Remember the happy times-I can tell by your words -that you and him were close at one time and shared many good times.

You will never know if it was a suicide or not//I too once read(i know I shouldnt have) part of my sons journal and almost had a breakdown.I never did it again.

Everytime you think of bad times—try and remember a good one—I even keep pictures around to constantly remind me of the positive.

Lizzie I don’t know you but I will carry you in my heart/prayers forever.

I never meant to come across as bad mouthing alanon or AA—I know they have been around a long time and helped many people.

I live in a big city so many the meetingshere are a little more diverse than others.

14 months is great for your daughter-has she remained sober? I sure hope so.

I just think not everyone is made for AA or alanon—there are other options and people need to be aware of them/

I am 51 and STILL live with my Mother-She is a wonderful woman and my best friend as well. I moved back ome at 22 with my son who was 2 and I have never left. Financially we have been able to keep our home-no one ever does without-we share chores-it just worked out. Even some of the bad times I helped her-she helped me. My son was brought up by 2 women and he says he feels like he has 2 mothers which doesnt bother me in the least. I helped mymom take care of y father for 13 years at home so he could stay home…..mom helped me through my heart surgery and my sons alcoholism.Sometimes I wondered if it was all too much for her but each time I would say maybe I should go —-she said no way. We always know we have food and a roof over our heads…..the woman is a saint

Not in my situation—it seems he just needed to know he was loved more often than me.I grew up in a family of 4.Both my parents worked and shared housework-I could cook a meal do laundry just about anything by the time I was 12.

My brother had his jobs as well.we never thought anything about it—it was just the way it was—-imagine how shocked I was whenI married I learned quickly that not all men are as confident and independent…..my dad did half of everything-I guess they were way ahead of their time,

But in my case?My mom never hovered —she was way to busy for that! First borns tend to be closer to their parents I think; Especially when they are boys

This is sad—and I have met people who were only children that were helpless because they were so spoiled growing up.

If you are doing all you say—you cannot be home much—keep to yourself and bite the bullit……

Sibiling Rivalry is also at play here….I know I have experienced it myself.

I always felt like you that my brother could do anything and he was everything!

(to my parents anyway) When I got older I asked my Mother why it was like it was and she told me—she loved us both the same.But that it may have seemed he got more because he needed it more.I was secure —he was not.

How nice—-I always wanted to be a ”movie star” I would sing and dance anywhere for anyone when I was young—my father would put me up on a table etc…and I would sing and dance—-I used to do a mean ”goodship lolly pop” and ”these boots are made for walkin" Life got in the way. I married young-had a child-college-work…yada yada///I die everytime I go to NYC and see a Broadway Show-especially a musical-I want to run right up on stage and join in!

You are so right aboutthis—and they get mad if you bring it up even. There are some very big rehabs in the USA that offer it though.Actually they had a HUGE HBO special called ”Addiction”which talked all about it and its sucsess rate.To me who cares—we re all different-we have to keep an open mind to everything. It doesn’t work for everyone….but what if you are the one it does work for? What a shame you might not ever get it.

Addiction is usually caused by an underlying illness as well—-many self medicate who are clinically depressed or bi polar and do not know it .The stats on the HBO special were that at least 75% of all alcoholics/addicts had psycological issues.

Once the alcohol was gone for my son-I gave him a year to let his body get healthy-release those toxins from all his tissues-with diet exercise and rest. (his md suggested this)

He went from 130 pounds to 210 in a year(he is 6ft 4in). 

It was discoverd that he was Manic-Depressive most likely since puberty.He takes medicine for that as well as counselling.

I am very  very proud of him.

DON’T CLOSE YOUR MINDS-THERE IS ALWAYS ANOTHER WAY-WHO WOULD WANT TO BE AN ALCOHOLIC? WHO WOULD CHOOSE THHIS LIFE? THROWING UP BLOOD EVERY MORNING—PASSING OUT IN YOUR OWN VOMIT-ETC…THEY ARE SICK AND NEED HELP.

I WAS pissed when this pill (I think if was calld camprol) worked like it did—and that so many others didn’t have it in the past and that anyone would try to with hold it in the future.

one thing that could be tried—-but most are afraid to do it to a loved one….have them committed in a court of law to a mental institution for a year/I have met people who have done this with sucsess. It was going to be my next step if the medicine didnt work for my son—better than being dead……so sorry for you…what you are thinking is not horrible—-most of us had thought the same things……

she will never forgive herself….she originally wrote she felt ”uneasy”closing the door one him to begin with. She didn’t listen to her heart and will never know the answer to ”what if” because he was on his own for 6 months with no contact with her.

children do not ask to be brought into this world—we bring them—so if that means I have to ”lose myself” too save him I will. I too was a single parent which makes it harder as there is noone to lean on.

 Those meetings? I don’t like them. A bunch of people telling you to ”let go””only your life matters”

NO I would NEVER let go of my child.

I have seen more people hurt by thinking if they just closed the door they will come back ok in time-

-in the meantine you need to have a life and be happy.

How am I to be happy and have my own life when my child is sick?and I haven’t seen nor heard from him in 6 months.???

I am sorry this women listened to others instead of herself.

My group became viscious when I mentioned trying medicine and alternative treatments-they were wild! Only AA they told me.

I went to visit them a year or so ago—still the same people sitting in the same room crying the same stories…..I shared about my son and they were still angry—I wanted to tell everyone to help them maybe. Finally I just said—my son has been sober for 4 years now what about yours? and I left.

she will never forgive herself….she originally wrote she felt ”uneasy”closing the door one him to begin with. She didn’t listen to her heart and will never know the answer to ”what if” because he was on his own for 6 months with no contact with her.

children do not ask to be brought into this world—we bring them—so if that means I have to ”lose myself” too save him I will. I too was a single parent which makes it harder as there is noone to lean on.

 Those meetings? I don’t like them. A bunch of people telling you to ”let go””only your life matters”

NO I would NEVER let go of my child.

I have seen more people hurt by thinking if they just closed the door they will come back ok in time-

-in the meantine you need to have a life and be happy.

How am I to be happy and have my own life when my child is sick?and I haven’t seen nor heard from him in 6 months.???

I am sorry this women listened to others instead of herself.

My group became viscious when I mentioned trying medicine and alternative treatments-they were wild! Only AA they told me.

I went to visit them a year or so ago—still the same people sitting in the same room crying the same stories…..I shared about my son and they were still angry—I wanted to tell everyone to help them maybe. Finally I just said—my son has been sober for 4 years now what about yours? and I left.

good for you—my son stopped drinking at 27 and he is normal as well—-be proud of what you have done—pay it forward to help others

How sad—I went through  almost 10 years of my son being an addict. He has now been sober for over 4 years.

It nearly killed me and is a nightmare for anyone who goes thru it.

AA kept telling my son they were the ”only” way—he hated it he hated the meetings and the ”religion ”of it.

Don’t get me wrong so many have benifited from AA I am not knocking it.

Alanon told me ”tough love” throw him out-live your life-let him hit rock bottom”

He would be dead now if I did.

NOPE I could NEVER throw my son out into the street. I went with my gut feelings as a mother.

Alcoholics are sick people—physically and emotionally— to leave them open to the cruel world seems like setting yourself up for that ”phonecall”

I could lay there and cry and be hysterical cause it all seemed so hopeless or I could DO SOMETHING—-no matter what anyones opinion is DO IT.

He had gone  to many many many detoxes and just about all my savings.

When he couldn’t have the keys to the car he hit me-physically attacked me.

Police came and I had him arrested and put in jail.

It was the hardest thing I have ever done.

The Doctor who examined him told me his life would only last another few years-

he was 6ft 4 in and weighed 130 pounds

,his liver was a mess-

and that I should start planning his funeral.

Most of my family got hysterical when I did this but I went with my GUT-

-He was in jail 3 days before arraignment-

Believe me he was in rough shape when I finally saw him.

The court ordered at my suggstion that he be put on probation for a year and be tested for alcohol and drugs once a week for a year

-plus go to a free outpatient alcohol rehab for 3 months.

He did it all.

While I looked for alternative ways of treatment.

I found a Md who treated alcoholism with medication (something AA is against totally).

My son took the medicine- and IT WORKED! It acts as a blocker of cravings like an anti depressant does uptake on seratonin—very simular.

He would tell you now that there is no way without that medication he could have stopped drinking.

He only had to take it for 3 months-the rate of sucsess is in the 80%.

I had a Heart Attack shortly after all this and I am sure all this played a big part in it.

But before they put me under for the surgery I knew I was leaving behind me (if I had to go) a sober son.

I thank God every day EVERYDAY. I am a nurse and I have known many alcoholics it seems far and few ever make it thru recovery.

I went to an online support group at one time—everyday they all got on line an cried and bitched and moaned for years—-I knew I had to ACT not REACT or I was gonna loose him and get stuck in this pit of”poor me’s”

I never gave up.

I feel sorry for your friend-she went by what others told her figuring they had the experience and went against her gut feelings as a mother.

She must be totally devastated.

She did the best she could with what she had.

Yes you are right it is YOU in charge of yourself…..sad thing is most people do not even know what to ask for or expect.

I will not tolerate a ”late” MD I leave after 15 minutes of waiting….I always check to make sure what is covered by my Medicare and what is not then ? the money part with the MD.Several of my Mds  eat the 20% I am supposed to pay them.

You do have to try and take charge of somethings—best thing is to brig someone who is smart about these things and bring them to al your visits—introduce them as your ”health care advocate” you get treated much better.

As far as the girl behind the desk? That Md is blind without her believe me—she reminds him of tests results—medication changes-everything.

As a nurse I had to remind Mds myself that I was NOT a Dr,—-they would be mad when they came in for rounds because they didn’t know the patient or they did the wrong procedure on a patient because they failed to read the consult orders. Nurses are the back bone of ALL Mds.They count on us to keep them contstantly updated.