I HATED girl scout camp.  But I still know how to start a fire, chop logs, paddle a canoe, blaze a trail when hiking and, of course, make somemores so I guess some good came out of it.

Ah yes, my engagement ring came from Wright Kay Jewelers.  It is still sparkling on my finger.  I remember the day my boyfriend and I went ring shopping.  We walked in and in the first case facing the door this ring was in the middle nestled in black velvet with a light shining on it.  The back of the case was mirrored and that ring was spectacular.  It’s not like the rings now with tons of huge diamonds; just one perfect stone in a simple setting, under a carat, but sparkling like nothing I had ever seen.  It was exactly my size, like it was there just waiting for me.  We bought it on the spot, he put it on my finger and it has never left.

And for your other comments.  I do remember (try to forget) the garter belts.  I remember putting holes in stockings because I would cinch them into the garters too tight.  My stockings were always bagging down around my ankles.  I very much remember the first panty hose, which were a godsend, even though the originals were not great.  They bagged too but we were free from girdles and garters.

I went to a Catholic school with plaid skirts and the clunkiest saddle shoes ever.   Knife pleated plaid skirts with the waistband rolled so the hems were always unbelievably uneven.  White blouses with blue blazers.  The nuns didn’t need to worry about keeping boys away from us…I felt so unattractive.  It took me years to get over!

I still have a beautiful wool coat I bought at Best’s with one of my first paychecks.  I didn’t realize it at the time but it is a very classic wrap shape and I’ve worn it off and on for 40 years and still get compliments.

How about shopping at Best and Company, Peck & Peck, Hughes & Hatcher (a Detroit store with fabulous service in their downtown main store).  Buying Capezio shoes (fabulous image…I always felt like I was a dancer because they also made ballet slippers), Villager a-line skirts and "poor boy" sweaters that came with a little ladybug pin.  Bass Wejun loafers with a real slot for a penny (I kept dimes in mine so I could make a phone call.  A pay phone call cost ten cents back then.)

I am from Detroit.  I remember Hudson’s department store, especially the flagship store downtown with the beautiful brass elevator doors.  (When they closed and basically abandoned the building, vandals were allowed to strip all the beautiful interior furnishings.)  This store was where I learned what a mezzanine was.  Going downtown to see Santa was a production every year.  My mom would buy all of our school clothes there every fall but we walked out so breezily.  Everything was delivered for free.  The next day the big dark green Hudson’s truck would come, the driver would open our screen door, announce "Hudsons" and put the packages in the foyer.  (The gas and water meter readers would also just walk in the back door, head downstairs to read the meter and walk back out.  Those were such safe and idyllic days!)

And Sanders ice cream shops with their fabulous cream puffs and bumpy cake.

 Vernors ginger ale.

The Edsel car and the Ford Rotunda, which had a fabulous Christmas display every year.  It burned down in the 60’s when it caught on fire while they were repairing the roof.

Daly’s drive in where we would get a Daly burger, fries and a milk shake.  All the teens would drive through to see who was there and had been lucky enough to get a spot to be able to order.

It seemed like there were a lot more local brand names rather than the more anonymous national chains and brands we have now.  So it was very special to travel because you would experience very different stores and products in different cities.  Everything is a national brand sold in a national store now. 

LW#2 You say you listen sympathetically and each thinks you are on their side.  Perhaps you need to adjust your listening skills for this situation.  You cannot change others but you can change yourself.  So the next time one of them bends your ear, you might say something like, "How frustrating for you.  What does she say when you try to work it out with her?"  Try to put it back on each of them to work out their issues.  Then move on with a quick, "Well, I know you are smart so you will figure out the right way to deal with this."  And get on with your work.

Drugging and raping a 13 year old and then leaving the country should be excused because he is talented?  So are you OK with some old guy doing this to your 13 year old daughter as long as he makes great movies?  That sure wouldn’t be my attitude if it were my daughter.  He has had the money and international fame to allow him to live in a country that wouldn’t extradite him to the US.  He ought to be in prison.

LW #1:  It’s not your fault your brother turned out the way he is.  At 18, it is probably too late to do much change.  I suggest you find another way to afford med school so you can move out of the house.  The situation will not change while you are there.  You can change yourself but you cannot change your mother.

LW #2: Margo’s advice is right on.  Don’t start a war or even an argument.  Just a very brief sorry but we can’t accommodate your request.  A "no" does not require an explanation.  If your relatives are rude enough to press for one, I would continue to just say we are so sorry we cannot accommodate you.  And when they say how about another date, you just have the same response, and perhaps a vague comment about how busy the two of you are these days.

Starting work in the mid-70’s there was bias all over the place.  In high school in the 60’s my guidance counsellor suggested that I was bright and good with people.  Perhaps I would do well as a cocktail waitress.  (I had straight A’s in math and science.)  In college I was pushed toward teaching since if I insisted on working it wouldn’t interfere too much with my ability to spend time raising children.  (I wasn’t even seriously dating and had no interest in having a family nor aptitude for working with kids.)  In my first job I was told I was too aggressive for a female.  (When I challenged my manager saying the statement was sexist, he closed the door of his office and said, "Prove I ever said it.")  In my next job I found that my peer, hired half a year after me with exactly the same credentials made several thousand dollars more than I did.  (But he has a family, I was told.  Never mind that his wife had an even better paying job than he did.)  Mid-career I heard about several positions I would have very much wanted but only after they were filled by a male colleague, usually less qualified than I.  ("We thought you wouldn’t be interested in a job that required travel because you would need to be home for your family."  Of course, no one asked me my opinion.)

So, yes.  Bias throughout my career.  Some very subtle.  I persevered, worked harder than anyone else.  Made sure I was always prepared.  Always over achieved.  And I have been well rewarded in my career.

I am annoyed now when young women will say they are not feminists.  They don’t need that banding together of women to make sure there is equality.  Many do not see that some of that subtle bias still exists.  I am not a militant feminist but I do see a value of making sure promising talent is mentored.  That women are not subtly steered to the "good female roles" like HR and operations.

I’ll be happy when it does not warrant comment when a woman is the CEO of a Fortune 100 company.  When it doesn’t seem to concern anyone when the majority of managers are women and not men.

The challenge is that much of the biased actions in companies, whether gender or racially based, is very subtle, perhaps not even evident to the person with the bias.  It is difficult to prove and change.

I am in favor of opening up artificial barriers to access to lower cost insurance.  I am also in favor of a public option because I believe we have a need to provide a basic level of health care to everyone.  If everyone had access to reasonable health care, perhaps we could unclog our emergency rooms, where many uninsured go for primary health care.  It’s the most expensive way to treat simple illnesses but many have no other option.

snuggle

She doesn’t sound like a deep thinker.  Glad she is a good tennis player because she needs a way to support herself.

Interesting.  I’m motivator with supporting role of equalizer.  I lead a very large team of people at work so this must be where this comes from, but it’s not the role I would have instinctively picked.

Hi Maggie, Yes, I’ve tried them.  I love to wear mules because I hate having my feet trapped in shoes.  The mule socks I’ve tried (and I’ve tried all kinds) either are too long so they show around the edges of the shoe or they bunch up and don’t stay on my feet.

The older I get, the flatter my shoes.  Too bad because I adore all of my gorgeous heels.  What I don’t get is the current trend to wear shoes without any stockings of any kind.  I understand why women don’t like panty hose but what about your feet?  When I wear shoes without some kind of sock, even nylons, my feet get rubbed raw, I get blisters.  Same shoes with just nylons and no problems.  I’ve tried powders but that doesn’t seem to help for more than an hour.  Anyone else have this problem?  Are all those youngsters running around in their super high heels with bare feet inside secretly hiding corns and blisters?

I had to smile.  It was on this site just last week that there was a piece on Jack Welch and his third wife, Suzy Wetlaufer.  Maybe a Liz Smith column?  Anyway, it talked about the "great love story" between Jack and Suzy.  At the time I did a double take.  What I remember about that great love story is that Suzy was assigned to do an in depth interview with him, had an affair, was fired from her job, caused his divorce.  And now it’s a great love story.  Maybe for the two of them but I’ll bet it was less so for the former Mrs. Welch.

There’s always another side to it, isn’t there.