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My Comments (179 so far…)

Dear Margo: Leaving Well Enough Alone

LOVED your reply, Nanchan U!! Loved it. You addressed LW2’s problem without making her feel worse about the situation, which many posters didn’t do. I agree that this mom sounds scared and beaten herself. I’m not saying we WoW posters shouldn’t say what we’ve been saying (I posted something similar) but our voices need to be kinder to this woman who is already suffering unkind treatment. I know firsthand how the abuse of your child can rain down on a mother like physical pain. Great reply. Thanks.

Dear Margo: Leaving Well Enough Alone

Andrea…as I told Suzanne "We have to empower her by telling her what she can do based on how we strong women did or would handle the situation, not call her names that further bash her self-esteem." The thing is…if you were HER we would be reading YOUR letter. We don’t know all the "her" that she is dealing with in her life and I think she’d benefit more from us only offering advice and holding off on the name calling. She’s terrified and down trodden as it is.

Dear Margo: Leaving Well Enough Alone

Suzanne…it’s incredibly hard for strong women to understand the fear involved when a mother who FEELS she can’t sustain a life away from an abusive husband. This LW sounds like she’s been raised to be weak and defer to her husband at all costs. We’re not going to make any head way by calling her names. We have to empower her by telling her what she can do based on how we strong women did or would handle the situation, not call her names that further bash her self-esteem. I’m sure, even though she didn’t mention herself, that her husband bashes her every chance he gets. Maybe even physically.

Dear Margo: Leaving Well Enough Alone

It’s so funny, right? That’s because it’s too true! Anyway, thanks Nanchan U; you have a happy weekend yourself!

Dear Margo: Leaving Well Enough Alone

Hi Elizabeth. I’ve only had to go through this in the US, but I completely agree with you about the court system. That’s why I never bothered. I grabbed my 5 year old daughter and packed and moved faster while my husband was at work. As I said in my earlier post, I fought her father at EVERY turn when he criticized her. He was told where he could visit her at his every whim and that was that. It’s been 18 years since and I’ve had to counter EVERY word her father has said to her. But as you said, at least it’s not 24/7 because she’s out of his house and can’t enter mine unless I decide. Now, as a 23 year old adult, she puts him in his place like I did. Sad thing is that while having no respect for him, he can still make her cry because she can never make her father proud or happy. My worry is that LW1 is unarmed (emotionally, financially) against her son’s father and THAT can be a hard nut to crack as regards convincing her to leave. Don’t you think?

Dear Margo: Leaving Well Enough Alone

Dear Stuck in the Gutter: I will simply share a bit of wisdom from comic Chris Rock who said in his last comedy tour that "women don’t go backwards financially and men do not go backwards sexually." He explains that once a woman has dated a man with a car or who has taken her on vacation, ALL subsequent lovers MUST do the same. He goes on to "joke" that if you come to your man’s bed in sexy stockings and high heels, or initiate a threesome that includes your hot girlfriend and he likes it, you must ALWAYS offer sex with the same wrapping. He’s not joking. Sexual fantasies are normal and become more frequent, I feel, the longer a relationship lasts. A fire will always need fuel to burn longer. Now…the flames don’t care about the wood it burns, it only wants more wood TO burn. Keep your emotional health and keep it with fantasies!

Dear Distraught: I know from personal experience that your son will turn away from his father the more this continues, if he hasn’t already! My 23 year old daughter was victimized by the same sort of insecure, unsuccessful schlub. He’s a brute and has taught my daughter that she can never measure up (although HE doesn’t provide any examples of being a better person)! I have blessed HIM by arguing with him EVERY time he’s belittled her and she has a cautious adult relationship with her father thanks to it. She and I have a good relationship because I taught her that I would always defend her against any wrong, including her father! (Plus I eventually divorced him to get her out of that daily environment.) Your son suffers at the verbally violent mouth of an abuser. I can understand that interceding may be hard for you if you’re at his mercy too (see-finacially or emotionally stunted) but to save your son’s LIFE you must at least argue with his father so that your son sees that you will at least defend him against the monsters!

Psssssttt ... It's Joni Evans's Birthday Today! Let's Make It a wOw!

From one birthday girl to another: Happy Birthday Joni Evans!

'Britain's Got Talent' Contestant Susan Boyle Captures Hearts (Video)

From the moment that Susan Boyle walked on stage the judges and audience appeared offended that she was going to waste their time. "Obviously" she wouldn’t have talent because she certainly doesn’t have "looks". But singing doesn’t come from the face, contrary to popular standards. A similar thing happened last season at the "So You Think You Can Dance" auditions. A very fat young man danced his BUTT off, doing leaps and splits as well as executing good form and style. The audience went wild! Afterwards Judge Nigel Lythgoe commended him but added that he was ONLY being applauded because he was FAT and dancing so well. The judge reminded the contestant that his LOOK would never fly and advised him to go home and lost 100 pounds or so and try again another time! Damned shame that the "have no talents, just opinions" sort of folks in this modern world can bring a truly talented person up or down.

It's T-Day! Have you filed your taxes?

Who made any money to tax? I didn’t work one damned day in 2008, no matter how hard I tried to get a job!

Tell us: What about First Lady Michelle Obama most interests you?

I am most interested in the quiet and unerring support which First Lady Michelle Obama gives to hr husband, children, family and the nation. She stpes lightly but firmly in this world, it seems. I would like to learn to do the same.

Dear Margo: Reading the Tea Leaves

That’s a wonderfully polite solution, Dona.

Dear Margo: Reading the Tea Leaves

Letter 1: The Momma’s Boy doesn’t WANT to be responsible for anything. Like all men, he wants to have a reliable sexual partner but he’s abdicated all other life management to his enablers. YOU have become, and will continue to be, such an enabler for him. He’s never going to be "there" for you because he views all others as needing to be there for HIM. Your kids will learn THAT from him if they see you catering to his nonsense for the mere sake of companionship. RUN!!!!!!!!!! with no regrets. There are other men out there in the world…GO FISH!

Letter 2: When a person subcribes to "you’re only as old as you feel" they often overlook the fact that they are nonetheless too old for some things. An almost 60 year age difference makes a difference! Although she may FEEL like a sex kitten at 96, her advances are horrifying and there’s no polite way to put that across. I agree with Margo.

Liz Smith: Rihanna – Dump Your Abuser, Now!

Hi Chrome. I sure do know of what I speak…and well. Emotional abusers quickly learn what insecurities and secret desires a woman has and then plays upon them heavily. Whether they ever strike you or not, you can be hooked. Relentlessly pursuing the approval of someone who voices his disapproval of you is too common and it takes years, if it ever happens, before you realize that this person is always going to find you lacking. Freeing yourself from the need to have EVERYone "like" you is hard to do but so necessary. We need to teach our girls, especially, that they are complete and acceptable all on their own. In fact, I feel that we need to teach our girls that they’re better off without a partner. Why do we still teach our girls that taking care of someone else is the epitome of womanhood. Next thing you know you’re cooking, cleaning and caring for everyone but yourself. I once read that Ruby Dee asked Ossie Davis early in their two-career marriage why it took both HER and hiim to run HIS life (right before she quit doin that). As another poster said, too many girls feel they need to be with "someone" so they accept everyone and then they’re trapped into valuing themselves according to how the other values them. If the other doesn’t value them, and is vocal about it, they can spend too many years chasing that approval.

14 TV Shows That Changed How America Thinks About Women

Yes, yes! Before there was these women, try to remember Gail Fisher. She was the Black secretary for private detective Joe Mannix in the 1970’s series "Mannix". Her boss sought her opinion often and she held his office together and sometimes she was involved in his crime solving. She wasn’t "hard", she was "crafty" and smart.

Liz Smith: Rihanna – Dump Your Abuser, Now!

Hello Chrome. I’m saddened that you had to suffer this abuse along with your daughter. You’re so right that the relationship between victim and victimizer is more complex than outsiders can imagine. This includes emotional abuse only. It seems your daughter’s abuser was very astute in his emotional abuse so that she was fully primed for his first hit. That’s why I’ve commented that women should never provoke a man (read: hit or goad before his first strike—since we all know that an abusive man will find any reason to hit his victim) — even those women who wouldn’t stand for one hit. We’ve raised our modern children to think first and foremost of themselves and that no intrusion on their comfort is to be tolerated. Yet we’re still feeding them adages that lie outside of the individual? It doesn’t compute to the youth.