Next stop… Dancing with the Stars!

I believe if I had been willing to listen to the family members around me who were urging me to slow down, I would have had time to avoid a big mistake from marrying the wrong guy.  If I could have been talked into a long engagement, I would have seen what a crumb this guy was, and avoided marrying him in the first place.  If this lady attends premarital counseling, she would have a chance to examine for herself all the elements of a marriage that come after the big wedding, and make a more intelligent decision for her life.  She may not want to be talked out of the marriage, but she may definitely need someone who can guide her to make that decision for herself.

That is the ultimate question, isn’t it!   I’ve had many debates about this with my über-Catholic uncle.  He argues that God would want the gay sinner to repent, and that if he truly repents, the homosexuality will be magically removed from him and he will become a heterosexual.  I argue that God Himself made about 10% of the population gay, and He would prefer they accept themselves as He made them, and live their lives authentically.  How does one truly know the preference of God?  We can’t rely on the Bible alone, because it’s been translated dozens of times by people over the centuries, and there are conflicting accounts of even what the words mean. 

I think if you realize that the Mormons use the Bible along with the Book of Mormon, their reasons for marrying over the years are not any different from the reasons any other religious adherent would have married.  Since the modern religions have chosen to demonize LGBT people, anyone who is LGBT and also wants to pursue a spiritual life is left with few choices: they can abstain and remain single, they can marry someone and enjoy companionship and children, and either deny their nature or express it quietly on the side (the disingenuous lifestyle), or they can part from the church and its dogma. 

Marriage is traditionally a way to protect females financially while they reproduce, and protect the offspring financially.  That is the teaching of the religion.  If love were important, the teachings would spend a lot more time on that, and a lot less time asking people to sacrifice their own needs and wants and to put all their energy into protecting their family. As a Catholic, I was taught that my own happiness was not important. The only thing that was important was protecting my children and keeping my husband happy and satisfied. "Love" had nothing to do with it. 

Beyond that, here’s my political view: If the religions truly want to "protect marriage," they will outlaw divorce, the #1 threat to marriage.  Allowing gays to marry (or work, or live in one’s neighborhood) does nothing to damage the institution of marriage for the other 90% of the population.

I think that the young gay man and the 30-year-old woman need to consider that living in integrity will do a lot more for their souls than entering a marriage contract under false pretenses.  Whenever you set out to deceive people around you, you are showing them, and yourself, a tremendous amount of disrespect. It takes a lot of courage to live authentically as who you are.  Sadly, the churches refuse to believe gay people are anything but sexual sinners, and won’t acknowledge that they are human beings who are born that way, made that way by God.  Until they open their eyes, they will continue to harass and intimidate their gay congregation members to live a lie to please them, or depart the church.

There is no law that says one must find the love of one’s life to be married.  In fact, "love" is a relatively recent and new reason for marriage, which used to be more for an economic and/or political arrangement.   If these two want to marry for partnership, parenting, companionship, financial support, or whatever other reason, so be it.  Just as long as they are clear and honest about the reason why, and understand the ramifications of their different sexual needs over time.

L2: I agree that the driver should stand firm that all riders use the seat belt.  After all, the driver is the one who gets the ticket.

The reason she doesn’t want to drive may be the condition of her car. I had a coworker who weighed over 700 lbs. She had a seat belt extension in her own car, but the rest of the car was filled with stuff, ranging from fast food wrappers to books and magazines.  She couldn’t bend down and clean the car, and she became exhausted after only 5 minutes and gave up.  Sure, it’s easy to blame fat people for their predicament, but having some compassion for the extra difficulty we face to overcome the exhaustion and depression would be good.

I’m not saying to let her off the hook.  I’m saying to stand firmly and don’t give in, but do it in an understanding way. You don’t have to become judgmental and superior when you stick to your guns.

Back in ‘91, I headed a department of phone support techs, mostly male, and we were situated next to the accounting department, mostly female. At 4:30 pm every day, a buxom blond in a mini skirt dropped off her mail at the PO Box across the street, and my department started laughing and making lewd comments about what they would like to do with her.  My boss screamed at me in front of the entire company that my department was sexually harassing the accounting department, and exposing him to a lawsuit.  I had to tell the boyz to tone it down. I was the only one written up about it, even though I succeeded in ending the daily "event" as soon as it was called to my attention.

The stakes are really high when you’re a contractor, especially if you can’t afford to wait 2-4 years to resolve a lawsuit, and your "at will" employment is completely tenuous. There is no HR "due process" protection for contractors. No benefits, either. Companies love to have contractors because it frees them from HR expenses, paperwork, and any kind of commitments.  In a down economy, laying off massive amounts of full employees and replacing them with contractors allows companies to abuse employees without recourse.  This is the kind of employment most of us will be facing in the future, at least for the next 3-4 years.  God help us all.

My ex-husband looks a lot like Dave Letterman.  And now, I can see that these two men have a whole lot more in common than their looks.  Infidelity is not a crime in this country, but David will have a big price to pay, just as my husband did.  The blackmailer, however, deserves the punishment that’s coming to him.  Trying to squeeze money out of a guy to keep his secrets is reprehensible. I’m glad Dave chose to go through the firestorm and scandal of the "secrets" rather than spend the rest of his life paying off a worm like that producer.

We had 8 years to find something on Laura Bush if we were going to.  She did nothing to draw attention to herself other than advocate for education, so she has not brought any criticism her way.  There is nothing to make up about her. 

Palin, on the other hand, provides so much salacious content herself that very little has to be made up about her.

The ones "making up" stories are the conservatives. Between the persistent rumors of the "birthers" and the ridiculous "death squad" scare tactics, Rove and his spinmeisters have been very effective at convincing the conservative proletariat of a vast number of untruths.  This comment begs the question if conservatives actually own any mirrors.

I did try that argument on him. He sputtered with anger, and then replied with a phrase "His Way is the Truth and the Light, and the Glory," etc., with very florid language, like he was reciting a long-memorized poem.  It’s very clear to our family that the only rigid one is my uncle. So, I actually feel sorry for him, that he only knows the God he must cower before and fear.  He doesn’t seem to have the capacity to look at all of Creation and give God credit for the good stuff, too.  Or even acknowledge that what we call morals and values could even be the very kind of adaptive behavior that humans developed over the millennia in order for our otherwise violent species to survive and thrive all this time.  Or even give God credit for building that into us many thousands of years before the first religions were born and documented.  Ahhhh, the endless debate. :)

#1: As a stepmother, I found myself struggling to work with my stepson, who declared that I was not his mother, and so I couldn’t tell him what to do.  So, I decided to just be respectful to him, and to the memory of his mother, and just hoped my example would eventually break through to him. It took a couple of years, but once he saw I was consistent and fair, and that I could not be intimidated by him, we made friends, and still get along well today even though his dad and I eventually divorced.

#2: My uncle is an ardent Catholic, and an adherent to the particularly fire and brimstone variety practiced by the Our Lady of Fatima sect.   I left the Catholic church over 30 years ago and broadened my spiritual pursuits, exploring other ways to know God and integrate spirituality into my daily life.  I will never convince him otherwise, but he is certain that I’m going to burn in Hell because I’m not "doing it right."  I have forgiven him, but it’s hard to attend family functions when he insists on condemning my eternal soul to damnation because his is the "only way."  Ah well.  You gotta love ‘em.

Margo, right on as usual.  My mom married my stepdad when she was 47, after 7 years of being together.  They got together soon after his first wife died and my mom divorced.  His kids never referred to my mom as their kids grandmother, even though most of their kids never met their biological grandmother. Through all 28 years together, she has been a devoted grandmother to those kids in deed, even if never in name.  It’s a shame there is still a little wall of separation keeping her out. 

I was much luckier: my stepson and his girlfriend warmly welcomed me as a grandmother to their son, calling me "Grams."  I am one of 5 living grandparents of this multiply blended family, and the youngest of them all.  There’s a lot of love there, even after my husband left for greener pastures.

Actually, there is another option: husband may have found a lover on the side, and is not attracted to his wife.  My husband was this kind of guy.  I could tell he was in an affair when he lost interest in me, and became impatient and verbally abusive.  In my case, no kids to consider, so I let the other woman have him to herself.  She can support him now, since he remains unemployed 5 years later. Knowing him, he’s already on the Internet searching for his next paramour.

The subject line is different in email.  When it’s a post, the subject says "wowOwow Alert: New Post by Margo Howard".  When it’s a comment, it says, "wowOwow Alert: New Comment by Margo Howard."  You can use this information in your email system to sort the messages into different folders.

Thanks, Annie!  I too am willing to pay premiums to get covered… if anyone will let me!  But to pay a premium that is higher than my rent payment is ridiculous.  Employer groups benefit from risk sharing in large groups.  If there were a way for health insurance companies to consider a larger pool of people to share the risk, instead of considering each individual separately, they would find that they can be profitable even while providing reasonably priced coverage for all.  They would even have room to offer premium incentives to people who are lower risk, without imposing ridiculous premiums on those who already possess a diagnosis.

We had a similar event in San Diego county.  Thousands of people showed up to get access to basic medical care. People who were employed, but the employer didn’t offer insurance.  Those of us in the middle who are not eligible for, nor want to be a burden on, Medicaid (Medi-Cal in CA), have no reasonably priced options.  They turned thousands away. 

I believe many who are insured are afraid something will be taken away from them in order to extend care to everyone.  That’s why these viral rumors about rationing persist.