Jane M

My Comments (53 so far…)

Dear Margo: He Wants You to What?

I am! Today is our 15th anniversary! We celebrated with a hike, a nice dinner, and the new episode of Smallville.

Dear Margo: He Wants You to What?

Dear Trying to Be Kind:

The seatbelt extension in your overweight co-worker’s car is easy to remove. (My grandmother used one for years before she lost weight.) So there shouldn’t be any reason she couldn’t use it no matter whose car she’s in. IMO, there may be something else going on with her. But don’t let her, or anyone else, pressure you into something you’re not comfortable with.

Dear Margo: Her Mother, the Dinosaur

Dear Up to Your Eyeballs:

As a young single lady, I dated your brother. (Okay not YOUR brother, but a man/boy very similar). I would like to make a few observations.

First, your mother has mental issues centering on your brother. She may never recognize this, but you can and should.

The fact that your mother has taught your brother to be helpless, selfish and oblivious is not your brother’s fault, although it is now his problem. He is doomed to the useless and unfulfilling life of a drone unless/until he wakes up, breaks the cycle of dependency she has taught him, and learns to take responsibility for himself. I pity him deeply.

If I were you, I think I’d explore outside housing possibilities again. Talk to your professors and colleagues, other relatives, friends, community organizations. Use your network. Someone has a room somewhere.

If you truly feel you must stay in your mother’s home for this period of time, Margo’s bright advice is spot-on. Politely refuse to be drawn into their illness. When she tries to assign you tasks, remind her of the task in front of you at the moment (the job, the study, the volunteer project, etc.) and then decline to pick up any slack for her slacker son. She created the problem; decline to accept any responsibility for it.

Dear Margo: Life Is Choices

Dear Greener Grass: Grow up. What goes around comes around.

I hope your ex-husband is very happy with his new lady.

One word of warning: a person who will cheat with you will cheat on you. Caveat emptor.

Dear Margo: Sick of the Tall Remarks

Dear Tired: As the former "tallest kid in my class", I eventually learned that many of the people who make these kinds of comments on a person’s height are actually just trying to make conversation, and using a distinguishing physical characteristic as an opener. Also, given our society’s preference for tall people, a good many of them thought they were paying me a compliment.

Not that I understood that at the time, naturally. At that phase of life I was absolutely mortified by anything that made me stand out from the crowd.

Dear Margo: Puh-leaze

My thanks to everyone who replied, and to everyone else who "got it." I don’t really think that about men, although I may have at that moment.

PS: The cocoa did help, but not as much as the red roses that were just delivered.

Dear Margo: Puh-leaze

Ltr #2: Not all men are pigs. Some of them are gay, and some of them are dead.

Okay, maybe I’m having a bad day … I think I’ll go have a cup of hot cocoa now …

Dear Margo: A Real Mess of a Love Affair

Dear Heartbroken:

Your daughter’s relationship will run its course. Decide how you will respond to the wreckage. I hope you will do everything possible to protect the children involved.

Dear Frantic: find another place to work, and do it now.

Dear Margo: A 3-Year-Old Hellion?

Dear Strug: if my family ever came to unanimous agreement about ANYTHING, you can bet your bottom dollar I’d pay attention to that! (I’d also be on the lookout for other signs of the end of the world.)

But seriously, SisterWoman, the people who know you and love you are urging you in the strongest possible terms to steer clear of this guy. Much the same as they might if you were driving your car off a cliff. LISTEN TO THE WISDOM OF THE PEOPLE WHO LOVE YOU.

You say he is your destiny. If this in true, the two of you will find each other again in years to come when he has served his time and built himself a new, clean, lawful life. But right now, LISTEN TO THE WISDOM OF THE PEOPLE WHO LOVE YOU. Do not hitch your wagon to a garbage scow.

Dear Margo: A 3-Year-Old Hellion?

My husband and I used to be good friends with an interesting and intelligent guy who lived in our town, until he married a lunatic and started raising a brood of wild, maniacal ape-like creatures … I mean children. Several times he dropped in unexpectedly, bringing all five of them to our house and turning them loose to do their worst. (There are more of them now, I hear, but the last time they were in my house there were five.) They broke everything they could get their precious little hands on, and left sticky little handprints on the things they couldn’t break. At the time of the first onslaught, I was too overwhelmed by the chaos and devastation to effectively respond. The second time, I continually pointed out the precious angels’ destructive behavior and asked Dad to address it ( along the lines of, "Barry, would you please get Junior off the ceiling? He’s leaving footprints. Thanks, Barry. Now could you take the twins off the antique settee? Yeah, it survived the French Revolution, but it’s not really designed to be jumped on. Thanks. ) Eventually, Dad got the hint and rounded up his sweet darlings and left. They never again crossed my doorstep. They did come around several more times while we lived in that town, but my husband and I would visit with them in the front yard or on our porch.

You've hosted dinner parties, lunches, cocktail parties, everything. What's your No. 1 best tip for entertaining?

For me the key is to complete as much of the prep work as possible beforehand, so that when the guests arrive I can relax an enjoy the food, friends, and fun too.

Dear Margo: He's Single ... and Stridently So

AAR! AAR! AARRRRRROOOoooooooOO!

Sounds like you and I came out of very different packs. Mine was just my PapaWolf and us two cubs. He was an awesome PapaWolf, though, and did his utmost best to raise me, his human female cub. He taught me all sorts of useful things, like how to mate for life and live peacefully in a pack, how to look after the cubs and the old ones, and why it’s important to defend your territory from interlopers and other predators. But there were also a lot of things PapaWolf just couldn’t help me with, having never been a female human himself. For instance, interior design and home decor …please! Fashion, beauty and nail care … forget about it. Overall, though, I’ve got no complaints, because I know he gave it his very best shot, and besides, how many PapaWolves would have even attempted to raise a human female cub? So …

AAR! AAR! AARRRRRROOOoooooooOO! yip yip AARRRRRROOOoooooooOO!

Dear Margo: He's Single ... and Stridently So

You were raised by wolves, Constance? Really? So was I! Small world, eh?

Dear Margo: Nice Touch: 'But, Honey, All These Women Look Like You!'

Ltr #2:

May I suggest a "NO TRESPASSING!" sign, or perhaps a restraining order? I predict she’ll get the message if the police escort her from your property once or twice. This woman is going to talk you down in the neighborhood no matter what you do, so quit letting her hold you hostage.

Dear Margo: Praying He's Not Out at Home

Conflicted: I hope that when you witnessed the incident(s) of animal abuse you either rescued the animal(s) yourself, or reported the crime to the local authorities. If you did not, I hope you will do it now. As Edmund Burke said, "The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing."