Thanks, Janet .  .  . as those of us — and I am sure it is about all of us — who give so freely of ourselves and open our purses to do our best to help in the multitude of ways to others - who, at another time, another place could be ourselves - we are so glad to be in a position to do as much as we can - and gladly.  There is something so wonderful about people helping people!!!

Joan

Sadly, Liza, I happen to know a few women who hang out at that bar all year around.  . and they don’t have to carry a broom to be recognized!!

Hope your weekend, Liza, is only filled with treats !!!

Would we want to be something we’re not?  I don’t think so.  So I say BE YOURSELF.  . for there is nothing wrong with the woman you are.  If you compliment someone - sometimes a stranger - it is their loss if they are not responsive.  But YOU are doing what is right and kind.  You are YOU and there is all that is right and nothing wrong with being positive, being enthusiasic - and it is catching.  I haven’t run into what you have - and you can tell I run on a high.  But I certainly am aware and responsive when someone needs help - and not give platitudes.  They do no good.  I think we are sensitive enough for that.   It rings out always to me that you are a lovely person - and I am betting you can’t change your positive attributes if you wanted to — and why would you??  Don’t!!!!!!!!

Wow . . . in a man, in a woman too, I love it if they have a high enthusiasm for life.  How do I catch it early in the game?  There is great eye contact, that smile, a sense of interest in the other - a curiosity perhaps that goes with an ability to listen as well as respond. 

There is more.  There is always more.  A brightness that makes me inwardly smile or outwardly laugh.  Caring and compassion - not always picked up right away but usually seen in warmth of manner, I believe.

Ohhhh - thoughtfulness in word and deed. I don’t know about others, but usually, I am able to pick up these traits early on, usually in watching that person with others as well as face to face.  . and they attract me like a magnet.  Maybe it all boils down to "love of life" and a positive, caring character.  That person is for me. 

Thanks, Glenda.  . it is wonderful to have someone accentuate the positives along with me.  To see first-hand where the monies have gone and the good we saw happen brought tears to my eyes more often than not.  Looking back over a multitudes of agency visits, time spent pouring over their own budgets, asking pointed questions to ascertain that we had a certainty that the money was well-used was a mission of the heart.  Looking back, the pride in seeing several abused women homes that our money built and maintained - seeing women and children safe at last - had to be one of the high points.  Oh — and the visions - still fresh - of the centers for mentally and physically disabled children that were run so well and helped so many seem frozen in my mind. 

Each year a banquet was given for at least a thousand volunteers.  It was funded by the CEO of Hyatt - a member of my board of directors - and it was my privilege to speak to these special people who also devoted so much of their lives to this organization - the largest in the country.  We had no scandal — ever.  And some few of us - those 27 male CEOS and 4 women on the UW Chicago board - were not just volunteers.  We hired the executive director - a woman - and chose well, really well, with lots of could-have-beens in the wings.  We were her boss.  (We didn’t ask if she drove a cheap car as that is inconsequential on how well she is doing her job - which was huge). 

My husband chooses USO and his generosity melts my heart.  Our world - and the world of our children - seems to center on what good we can do for others.  . for I believe that is why we are on this earth.  I am determined not to leave it with regrets.

Joan

Forgive me.  Normally if a person has been personally involved in the direction of many charities, volunteering for years as you have, it will come out in the writing after a question like that.  It just took a while.  As you are, I am personally protective of an organization that I have given heart and soul to for as long as I did.  It was what I considered "my baby" and I gave it my all.  No one likes to have their baby — one that worked so wonderfully in my city — trammelled. 

I think the question was what charity do you give to  that you KNOW does make a difference.  YOu have more knowledge than the rest of us put together … and yet you did not mention a single one.  Why?  We - in writing - have a great deal of influence on others who are not sure where to put their money.  So what are the ones you would suggest - as I am curious??

For the others out there, I find that for gifts (instead of presents) that my giving to Heifer under their names has been personally satisfying to them. 

Hi Christine … I understand your frustration … and have always found that too many in that position do not have the primary resources to ever start the search.  I have not dealt one-on-one in helping for 10 years.  Things could have changed.  At that time and in that position, I would first contact your local Catholic Charities.  . and no, your religion has nothing to do with the help they give.  IF they are unable to help your particular situation, before you get off the phone, be sure to ask then what phone number should you be calling then.  Don’t let them hang up before giving you your next lead.  But they may be the lead you need.  Where I live, United Way funds them as a blanket organization.  But where I live, they also fund local charities within my community who provide food and clothes and pay utility bills.  How do you find them?  I would go to your local library first - to reference - and have the librarian help and direct you further.  I have seen the local police provide the places that may help. 

Again, as each state is different, I am not sure what your local political entities are called.  In my state, we have local "township offices" that give help and direction.  If you are a senior, there are special sections for help within the township offices.  At each stop or call, you must ask what the next step that you should take — don’t leave without it, Christine.  In my village and all the surrounding villages, we have homeless shelters that provide not only overnight facilities and food, but also have day shelters and counseling.  Again, the township offices should know what to do.

The problems are overwhelming.  Without direction, the frustrations are also.  This should provide a beginning for you.  Hopefully, along this path there will be counselors who will help to handle the long term situations.

When you are down and out, every step seems too much and rejection is defeating.  But I will be surprised mightily if a combination of these suggestions will not get you started.  I hope so much that this will help.  Joan

Baby Snooks . . making judgment calls from "the outside" without thinking enough about charitable work to do more than write a check makes me sad.  You investigate, you pick-and-choose, but frankly, your perception and judgment will change once you are willing to be a volunteer on the front lines of any charity.  Only then will you understand what is involved from beginning to end in the process and be equipped to make a true judgment.  Making a judgment on my expensive car as I drive up - as a volunteer and giver of monies freely - well, one has nothing to do with the other.  I didn’t get the money to pay for that car from money ripped off from a charity.  Does a person running Salvation Army at the city level have to live in a hovel - though some almost do? 

If only half the money goes where it should, that is appalling.  United Way would not support such poor administrative skills. . at least 10 years ago.  OR anything close to that.  We were in their offices, combing their books, seeing the inner workings. . appearing before a committee on each agency (charity) to ask for a certain amount — and we had to be so sharp on our facts as nothing was rubber-stamped.  There was always another charity that needed the money a bit more — and why. 

Yes, you have a right to be cynical when we have these constant mail pleadings with a dime attached to each one or any of the other terrible ploys.  But please do not judge me by my expensive car when I have worked daily for no compension at all for years and years, being responsible for allocations of $100 million.  Get inside and work in your favorite local charity and find yourself enlightened — it doesn’t have to be often, it can be on a Saturday — only then will you be giving of YOURSELF.  But you will learn so quickly what is involved in making the charity function well.  And then tell us.     

In the many years I served on the board of the Chicago/Chicago area (suburbs) United Way (in the ’90s the top-ranking United Way in the country in terms of funds raised - $104 million a year during my terms of office), as Budget and Allocation Chair, there was no charity that was not heavily scrutinized personally by me or others during the year.  I would be out touring the facilities, going over charitable budgets in depth, asking questions face-to-face with the agency directors.  Often I would come away in tears after seeing the center. Working with babies at spina bifita was rewarding AND heartbreaking.  Heartrending situations always and facilties where I could be hands-on - actually seeing the miracles accomplished.  United Way of Chicago and those of us who gave their all - and then some - to see that money was carefully allocated — know that the high percentage of monies given were not for administrative expenses but instead were used for service to those in need.  Never have I worked so hard.  Never had I felt I covered every base needed before yearly allocations were carefully divided.  It was a labor of love for a third of my life, leaving me with NO regrets and much happiness.

However, if one were giving to a few local charities only, I find that a visit to their distributing point, their working headquarters, their workshops, will often open your heart and pocketbook in a big way. 

In my large city, my favorite tried-and-true larger charity is Salvation Army.  They have a food pantry for the needy in Chicago that must be seen to be believed.  Locally, I have been involved in short-term help with Salvation Army for those who cannot pay their electric bills and more.  The cases coming in make you weep; the help given make you proud. 

Is there anything more important in life than giving of yourself to help others?  I don’t think so.  I call it "a matter of the heart".  

Yes, for every husband/wife who can give the clothes away, there is another that keeps the room as it was - often like a shrine, with the things that were on the dresser still in place.  They visit the room, smell the clothes, go to bed with a shirt.  I think people have to do what they have to do … and I can make no judgments on another.  The problems I have heard of come from when the spouse decides to re-marry and yet will not clean out that room.  The marriage is in trouble from the start.  The only way I have found that solved is if the one to be married insists they will not live in the house that once was the couple’s.  A tense time more often than not — but understandable to me.

So Didion’s paragraph hit home so well … as we DO understand the shoes … and more.

Jessica Lange … in a class by herself.  In a movie - and there have been so many - we never see her "acting".  She seems to get into herself, becoming the character. . . always leaving us - her audience - in awe.

Early in her career she took on the far-from-easy role of Frances Farmer in the film "Frances".  She had her audience hooked.  I think of Blue Skies, Crimes of the Heart.  If you haven’t seen them, do.  You will be watching an actress extraordinaire.  Grey Gardens has not yet gotten the audience it deserves.  . and it is just out on DVD.  True to the real story, true to life — and Drew Barrymore and Lange stunned us with their work.  I’ve told everyone I know to see it.  Great pictures are hard to find.

A Minnesotan at heart, I know the tiny town of Askov — in a land of woods and lakes - where her loved cabin is hidden.  I remember reading about an accident she had last winter - a freak accident - when she broke her collarbone and more .  . so yes, she does sometimes still go back to her own roots in the midst of winter.

Now … her eye for photography and her recent success is yet another reason to applaud her multiple talents.  But - like the rest of those who love her screen work - I am hoping that we will see her soon again in yet another one of her movies - movies that we can’t seem to forget.

What a wonderful interview this was!

Susan … your word "heavenly" is exactly how I feel about Antarctica.  I totally believe that heaven is found on this earth — and it is there… and repeated visits around the continent only make my feelings stronger.  Those who go for extended times fully understand how blessed they have been.  I have walked on ice long distances to places that have never been seen by a human before.  I have sat all day surrounded by thousands of 3-foot high Emperor penguins who had never seen a person, ever before as no one had gotten in there … and the birds were unafraid.  Tall and stately, they would bring their fluffy child over to stand in front of me to be introduced and ohhed and ahhed over.  One after another, they would come.  What happened at those moments — a connection and something more that is not explainable.  The ice and the frozen-in icebergs were all pale blue, rising like skyscrapers around their home.  When we left it was reluctantly, and 8 hours had passed like nothing when the sun shines for 24 hours.  We walked alone with long spaces between individuals - and slowly with no one speaking - as we walked the miles to the helicopter on the ice. 

Yes, you must go — if you want to realize what will be your best days on this earth.  Yes, it was heaven. . so strive for it.

Lila …

Like you, I have done the tropics as well … with the most exciting part of my experiences being in the Top End of Australia in the years before the tourist infestation and when they roads were unpaved and water buffaloes and kangaroos were my neighbors more often than not.  But then - without warning, the heat and humidity began to make me crazy (but fortunately, it was AFTER I had been to most of the hot places on earth. 

My dream since childhood was the Antarctic … and we shifted gears completely then, taking an Argentine polar supply ship to the Argentine bases on the continent to supply them for the year.  We were on shore for however long it took to unload … and no matter how many hours, it was never ever long enough.  We travelled by dog sled - it was in the early days.  A bit of heaven — and then our ship sank, hitting underwater coral.  So there it sits STILL, just hovering above the waters of Antarctica, a remnant and reminder of such glorious days back then.

But speaking of penguins, on another journey, we were landed on the 100-foot high Ross Ice Shelf by helicopter — and soon were surrounded by running-toward-us Adelie penguins by the drove.  NO ONE, before or since, has seen them at that level.  How could they have gotten there — and WHY? They need to be a sea level to eat each day - and there was no way down that we ever saw as it was sheer cliffs of ice.  They partied with us, mixing like humans in their tuxedos..  Scientists have told us since that this was impossible — but we have the photos.  . and the memories of the most incredible experience.  Even the scientists had never helicoptered up there.  (The British Antarctic Survey is dying for my photos). 

So - they don’t fly — but where did they climb and how did they manage to get to that height?  Always mysteries in life — and that is one of them.   

Those fortunate enough to attend tonight’s one-woman performance of Vanessa Redgrave will - I am sure remember it for a lifetime.  Joan Didion’s writing suits Redgrave, but for those of us in the audience it resonates with us all, touching our hearts in unison.  Who can forget these words:

Grief turns out to be a place none of us know until we reach it. We know that someone close to us could die. We might expect to feel shock. We do not expect this shock to be obliterative, dislocating to both body and mind. We might expect to be prostrate, inconsolable, crazy with loss. We do not expect to be literally crazy – cool customers who believe that their husband is about to return and need his shoes.

It will be a night to remember.