Letter #1: When my Pop died (grandfather on my Dad’s side) he requested clearly in his will that he wanted to be cremated and buried, but did not want a funeral nor anything remotely like it. He wanted to be remembered as he was; a warm, caring man who always had time for his children and grandchildren (both of which he had plenty). The same went for my Nana. She wanted to be cremated and a small funeral. Nothing big or fancy. In both cases, though we weren’t exactly thrilled about it, we respected their wishes and requests that had been made when they were alive. They knew what they wanted. I think that it’s best to do what a loved one asks because they know what is right for them at such a sensative time. However, if they say "Surprise me!" or "I don’t care, I’m dead!" then something fun, yet appropriate, sounds good. Like a get together at a family members’ house, telling stories about the loved one and sharing photos and such.

Letter #2: I think that the friend needs to be told point-blank why the girl does not want to hang out with her. Her friend is making poor choices in her life and it doesn’t seem likely that unless she tells her friend why she doesn’t want to hango ut, her friend is going to keep bringing it up. She needs to be told. However, that doesn’t mean the girl has to feel bad about it.  She knows what is right for her and her boyfriend and what she needs to do to feel okay with herself. Her friend has some growing up to do and until she does it, the girl shouldn’t feel bad for deciding what is right for her.

Margo printed another one of my letters! I’m so giddy.

I can see everybody’s points with this woman. I don’t think her motive is angelic like she’s trying to paint. The 2 times that she’s tried to contact me I haven’t responded and lately she hasn’t sent me another message; so I’m hoping that she’s getting the message. Her and her daughter made my sister and I’s life a living hell after the divorce, when we were just trying to spend time with our Dad.

I think for letter #1 that the girl should forgive her mother even if it means she does not want to let her mother back into her life. Her mother should have been there for her and been a mother to her growing up. I’d like to believe that the mother is trying to make things right and is trying to say she’s sorry in her own way. But maybe the daughter needs to actually hear the words. They might not have a relationship in the works for the future, but with her not being frank to her mother and putting the cards on the table, they don’t have anything. At least with when she tells her mother how she feels and helps her find another way to contribute to the wedding they have something there.

Letter # 2, again, I think Margo is right. Her parents are set in their ways so she shouldn’t be shocked if they decline her invitation or even say a nasty thing or two. The most she can do is offer them a seat at the wedding and hope that with that gesture they try to keep the lines of communication open. Her parents may dislike her life style and object to it, but I think deep down they still love their daughter.

Well you are right about that. She can’t relate about a lot of things that he’s been through because she won’t have been there to remember it with him. But every once in a while you see an older guy with a younger girl (visa versa) who, despite all odds, have been together for a while and remain together. They just enjoy each other’s company as rare as it is to see it.

Emotional affairs are just as devistating to the partner as physicla affairs. The man (or woman) is investing a part of themself to another person on a very deep (almost biblical) level and is cheating the man or woman’s partner of that deep level of connection. I know because a similar thing happened to me.

 My ex "Gary", my ex-friend "Laura" and I use to hang out a lot. Over time they started to act strangely. Laura would get upset when I kissed Gary and would write him letters, etc. I found out after he dumped me (and later on down the road married her) that they had been having an emotional affair before they began having oral sex together shortly after that. Needless to say, it took me years to get over this and put it in the past. I don’t think that sting ever quite goes away. So I think Margo’s advice is great and makes the man in this situation either slink away like a snake or stand up like a man.

Oh my gosh Morgan, I can’t believe you had to deal with a woman like that! While I know my father loves Helen, if she had ever something like that to us, my father would have ripped her a new one and probably left. Even he has his limits, as hard as that is to imagine. I’m glad you aren’t around that environment anymore. I’m so sorry you had to deal with that.

We’re polite to her because it’s her and my father’s house and we are guests. That and if we aren’t, it’s like bringing up the past when we try to ‘bury the hatchet’ when we go over. Somebody suggested (and my mother has said from day 1) that she is jealous of us and the love that our father has for us. But what she needs to understand is that the love our father has for us and the love he has for her are two different kind of loves. He can’t love us like he loves his wife, because we are not his wife. He can’t love her like he loves his children, because she’s not his child. I hope that we can be friends someday when she realizes this. But for the time being I think the advice I’ve gotten here is good: Enjoy our dad, spend time with him, and leave the past in the past. Maybe someday she’ll catch up to us.

I think that maybe if we had been older, things would be a little different. But sadly we were around.. 11 and 12 when they started dating, and not much older than that when they got married. So we went from struggling to deal with the divorce and knowing the anger between our parents to having our step mother say mean things to us and getting jipped out of weekends with our father because she did not want us at the house after they had a fight (that was about us). I’m glad that you and your stepmom are close and that your dad never allowed seperation from his children. He sounds like a great man. :) I’m also glad that you and your stepmom worked things out. I don’t know if Helen will ever allow us to be a family. The ball is in her court, I think I’ve dribbled enough.