Hi Dawn, First, I am sorry for your loss. Losing someone you have loved and cared for is painful regardless of how you have defined your relationship. The fact that you were in a caring partnership is apparent to me, and I believe that the label "pseudo" only applies if you think it does. What you lost is love, and anyone who comes to love you in the future will understand that no label fits every form of grief. My advice is to honor your loss, and to be open to the possibility that love comes in many forms, and may visit at the most unexpected times.

Hi Marion,

Thank you for sharing your story. One thing I have learned about grief is that healing takes however long it takes. The ability to taste life again is not directly associated with how well we do in the aftermath of loss…we can take control of every area of our lives, but we can’t force healing. That said, it sounds like you may find there are totally unexpected ways that you have grown as a person since the loss of your husband. I guess it took me some time to be able to be proud of myself for my personal growth, because the fact that my progress was directly related to the death of someone I loved so much was painful and confusing.  For me, I settled on the idea that I couldn’t change the fact that Phil died, but I could make the most of the life I have left even when the thing I was most proud of on any given day might be my ability to get out of bed.

 Don’t give up on the idea that eventually you will be able to do more than work on autopilot. I would guess that you expected to be in a different emotional space seven years after your loss, but the place you find yourself now has lessons, and even gifts, to offer you. Sometimes it takes longer than we would like to be able to accept those gifts and move to a new place. There are many, many other widows who have been, and still are, just where you find yourself. Know that as a group we can hold the candle of hope for each other, and know that you are definitely not alone.

 

To all of the wonderful Wow readers…I am humbled and grateful for your comments, wishes, thoughts, and the way you have shared your own stories. Death gives us an opportunity to evaluate our lives, and sharpens our focus on the things that really matter. Open discussions about losing our loved ones not only carries on their memories, but also opens our minds, and our hearts, to our fellow human beings. Thank you all for participating in this needed, and healing, conversation…and thanks to WowOWow for giving us a place to chat!