Good morning, Kirsten.  Early morning seems to be the only time I am able to check in lately, and, once again, you have given me wonderful words and ideas to begin another day.  The nurse at the cancer center put my mother’s life into terms of weeks or months, and that was quite a kick in the gut, especially since she seems to be coming along o.k., but there is nothing I can about this, and so I did really try to see the beauty in being with her now, and trying to do my best by her.

I am with you on the god thing.  I get angry but when I am at my most helpless and desperate, I call out to him, her, or something out there, and sometimes feel comforted, and I’ll take that.  I am not in a real introspective place right now.

I am really happy for you and the positive changes you were able accomplish through all the heartbreak.  The way you describe it, it sounds like a final gift that your mother was able to give you.  It just occurred to me that if there is a higher power, I think she has been speaking to me through your encouraging words.  Thank you.

Kirsten … I just read your post and I am so sorry for your losses.  But please know that on this early morning, you have given me my first glimmer of hope on a day when I long to, as you put it, "turtle."  In a month my life went from being pretty much carefree to my beloved mom being diagnosed with advanced lung cancer, just as I started working full time, and my daughters experiencing health problems that need my attention.

I am an only child so all the decisions about mom’s care are mine.  Right now she left the hospital and is in a rehab nursing center for, hopefully, just a couple of weeks, to regain some strentgh.  So life is basically going to work (where they are hounding me about what kind of time off I will need), and going straight to my mom for the remainder of the evening.  Life as I have known it; exercising, reading, shopping, cleaning house, computer time, all gone.  I have always been a person who doesn’t run on empty, I need down time, but I guess I will do what I have to do.

But your words have given me something to strive for today; to look beyond my chores and to do lists and heartbreak, and  savor this time with my mother and try to give her as much comfort as I possibly can.  It feels good to write what’s been churning around in my brain, thank you, and have a wonderful day.

If you want to defend your opinion all day, go ahead.  But that’s a pretty low statement to make about a 13 year-old who went through what she did.

Thanks for your reply deber B.  I think it was brought out last year when our ex-governor was in the news that Illinois isn’t actually the most corrupt state in the country, after all; it’s just got the most colorful and interesting reputation!  As far as crime goes, that’s one contest that is up for grabs among big American cities and none of them are immune to that problem.

As far as anything else goes, I’m not going to argue any of your points.  Being a lifelong Chicagoan, I am just proud of the place and find most people speak out of ignorance without knowing anything about the city.  But your beliefs are set in stone and there’s no room for any kind of change of thought no matter what happens, so more power to you.  You are correct.  Only the Democrats (especially from Chicago) make decisions based on political motives, only the Democrats lie, cheat, steal, probably are mean to their nanas, and Jesus himself could knock on your door and tell you you’re wrong, that he’s a Democrat, and you’d slam the door in his face.

Good for you.  I guess my beliefs have never been that positive.  Sometimes I hear another side of a story and think, "hmm, that makes sense, too," and then I’m forced to look at different points of view.  That gets confusing.  But I have to disagree with one thing you said.  I believe you do, literally, feel hate, and that’s a shame.

Why should Chicago have never been in the running for it?  You are so over the top.  Seriously, just because the President is from Chicago, am I to understand that you hate the city and all Chicagoans?  It’s a beautiful city with great people and would have done an excellent job had it gotten the Olympics.

That is, H1N1 vaccine, not the virus…

I work in a hospital and they offer us flu shots every year; don’t know if all employees will be offered H1N1, but if they do, I will get it.

My lead role was Creator, and supporting role Equalizer.  It’s just weird because about an hour ago I was telling my co-worker that I need to start "jumping off the cliff without a safety net" more often because I can overthink every decision of my life to the point of never doing anything.  Well, listed as a "Don’t" under Creator, was "think about things so much that you do nothing."  Maybe that’s something I should think about!

Blast away, Belinda!

"This of course for you is not true given your attempt to even question my assertion."  Seriously?  Belinda, I didn’t "attempt" to question your assertion; I did and do question your assertion.  This is not an important issue, I’m just not liking your attitude.  I made my comment somewhat humorously, but what is the deal with you?  You appear to be a knowledgeable woman, and I wouldn’t "attempt to even question" your hidden African American issues, whatever those may be, but that’s not good enough for you.  You need to have the last word on every other ethnic group as well.

Of course I have heard it said that Sicilians have African blood, etc., and maybe they do, I don’t know, but it’s not an issue among Italian Americans.  Just as I have light skin and freckles like my Italian father instead of olive skin like my Italian mother.  Everyone talks about who they resemble, who has brown eyes or green eyes, but not in hush hush tones like it’s something discriminatory.

If I had any thoughts on misguided Italian American sterotyping, I think it would be more about the mobster, Soprano type family, as if that is the norm, which it isn’t.  But many people believe in that, and I would bet that would be an issue if an Italian American were to run for president, much more than if he were pale skinned or darker.

I enjoy a lot of your comments, Belinda, I just don’t care for the condescending attitude, but thanks for the reply.

Just curious … being of Italian descent for many years now, and being intimately acquainted with many of same, maybe I should finally be privy to our "skin color" issues.  Maybe I have an issue and have been unaware!

Thanks, S G, but I’m afraid I’m just about giving up on this healthcare dilemma.  Yesterday I read an interesting article in Newsweek about healthcare systems in other countries, and they pointed out that no one in these countries files for bankruptcy because of medical reasons, and it makes me hopeful.  But I have not encountered another person who feels as I do.  I am beginning to think that Americans as a whole are just a different breed.  The article pointed out that countries pick their healthcare systems according to their ethical and moral codes, and most feel healthcare should be for all citizens.  But Americans are just too suspicious and resentful of their hard-earned dollars going to "unworthy" people for this to ever be resolved in a just and humane manner.

Thanks C, you too ….

C Hardy … I don’t post too often, but I remember when you first began posting, and you have grown and come into your own so much since then.  I think I understand that you are trying to keep people real and point out hypocrisy when you see it. However, to not acknowledge the difference with this president is dangerous.  People are crossing a line, and being encouraged to do so.

If the citizens are unhappy with this man’s leadership, it is easy.  We live in America, where presidents can be booted out of office every 4 years if they lose their chance at reelection.  I have seen a friend who is extremely intelligent, a wonderful teacher of mostly low income Hispanic kids, falling into this ignorant abyss, spouting things about Obama and "indoctrination,", etc.  Thankfully, once she heard his speech to the kids, she actually thought it was pretty good and let them hear it.  What is happening to people?

I am so far from a so-called "bleeding heart liberal."  It’s blue-collar middle class all the way, which brings me to my next point.  Please don’t buy into this crap that the only people interested in some kind of public option, or whatever, are lazy welfare people sitting on their asses while you go out to work!!  Seriously?  I have 2 uninsured daughters; one who got laid off from her job and, not surprisingly, is having a hard time finding another one.  The other is a college graduate who didn’t take her new job’s insurance because it was so expensive and she’s got school loans and car payments.  Granted, not smart, and I told her she has to just take it anyway, but that’s not the point.  Meanwhile, I am in a marriage that needs to end, but if I was on my own, with just my paycheck, and insurance being deducted, it would kill.  I made my choices and I’ll live with them, but it’s NOT THE WELFARE MOTHERS WHO ARE GONNA GET FREE STUFF (LIKE HEALTHCARE!)  They are already on public aid, but there are millions of us who fall through the cracks - not poor enough for public aid, but not well off enough to make ends meet while paying huge insurance premiums.  BTW, I’m not even an "illegal," because, God knows, that seems to make a big difference to everyone, too.

I seriously think that all the people who feel government has no part in its citizens welfare should voluntarily turn in their Social Security and Medicare benefits.  Maybe that could help pay for people who need some asistance.  And I don’t go for the argument that "I paid into that all my life, I’m entitled."  It’s all paid into one big fund, and millions of citizens probably die before ever receiving a dime, and I don’t think it’s returned to their estate.  Their hard earned dollars might even end up in the hands of some lazy ass commie!

I just wanted to acknowledge you, C Hardy, and let you know that your growth and maturity is very noticeable.  If you relate more to Republican leanings, no problem.  But I hope you continue to keep an open mind, and see what people might be implying between the lines.  For example, I know you seem to admire this Deber person, but one of the first comments she felt compelled to make was to point out that the weekend demonstrators left the area clean as a whistle, while the inaugeration crowd apparently are total slobs.  What?  The point, please.  Does this mean maybe African Americans are sloppy, or murdering terrorists and left leaning citizens don’t respect their country as much as Republicans (this is where I think we were going.)  Or maybe people who voted for Obama are sloppy housekeepers?  Could it be we figure in the next couple of years when Obama pulls a Hugo Chavez and declares himself emperor for life or some such thing, every household will have a Republican come in to clean for them!

Obviously, I’m being silly, but the point was, she was not.  How could an apparently intelligent, affluent person say something so ignorant, assinine, and pointless?  Just think about it.  Take Care.

I think I liked it better before, more colorful and easier to find the topics that interested me, but I’ll have to do more investigating (I don’t handle change well!)