Hi Lena… just read your comment and it really threw me for a loop.  I was amazed to see this "hair dresser" thread because I just got my hair done yesterday afternoon and have been moping about it for most of this morning.  I decided to treat myself to the works; cut and color (my mom usually colors my dark brown, lots of grey, hair).  Well, I think I went too short, and somehow got caught up in the moment and decided to get a few face framing highlights.  The bill total, plus tip, was a shocker, but I figured if I liked it, I deserve it.  Well, this morning I called the girl and asked if the highlights could be toned down a bit, they were a little too blond for me, and she said sure.  As a formality, I asked how much that would be, thinking she would say "oh, there’s no charge," but instead she said $30.  I was like, seriously, after what I just spent, it would be another $30 to take ten minutes and tone it down a little?  This young thing said yes, like this was perfectly acceptable, and I said I’ll see if I get used to it!  And that’s what I intend to do; strut with confidence, me and my brassy highlights!

Anyway, I got that aggravation out of my system, and once again learned that most of the stuff we take really seriously is so not.  I wish you all the best with your struggle.  Is there any chance that your hair will grow back?  I seem to recall that that could be a possibility.  Forgive me if that sounds ignorant, I don’t know much about it.  Have a lovely weekend.

James ~~ had to read your post a couple of times; hope I’m misunderstanding, but if I’m reading you correctly, I am so sorry you feel that way.  You are too cute to be unhappy.

Beverly, it is Sunday morning and I just read your post and all the lovely and caring responses. I want to add mine, also. I can relate to your heartbreak and utter loneliness. For me, it’s a loneliness deep down in your soul, which is always with me, even in a group of people. To be married at 15 is very young, but on the bright side, you are still a young woman with your family already raised and grandchildren already born. Although right now that might make the years ahead of you seem like even more of an empty abyss, I truly feel there is a whole second chapter just waiting for you when the time is right (and Valentine’s Day is over; another hurdle crossed.) I can also relate to your next post when you realized that you just poured out your deepest, most honest feelings to this virtual world, and feel a bit regretful. I did the same thing on another thread the other evening in a moment of self pity and loneliness, maybe hoping someone out there could offer me a line of hope or guidance. Unfortunately, not one person did, only leaving me feeling even more ridiculous. I’ll shut the computer down the next time I get an uncontrollable urge to share, but I am truly glad that you found all of this concern for your well being on Valentine’s Day, and hope it gives you something to grab on to when things get bad. Take Care.

I don’t know if you have attended Al-Anon, but I have, and I don’t quite see it that way. Al-Anon is a safe harbor where a person whose life has been negatively impacted by another’s alcoholism can find comfort and support in a non-judgmental atmosphere. They do not give their opinions on what they think you should do; in fact, it is recommended that you do not make any life changing decisions for a while, so in that respect, I guess you are correct. Usually, a person will spend the first few meetings crying or complaining about the alcoholic, but, eventually, it’s a safe haven for one to discover themselves, and the alcoholic may not even be mentioned. That is why I have seen elderly women who have been widows for years still attending meetings faithfully. It’s funny, though, because they will tell you to take care of yourself, do something fun, something you enjoy, and, most of the time, you don’t have the foggiest notion what that is in the beginning because “fun” has not been a part of your life for a very long time. This is my life at the moment; well, ironically, for the past 29 years, and I empathize completely with this woman. If you have lived in this dead, demoralizing, dysfunctional excuse for a marriage for 29 years, believe me, it’s no longer a matter of “finding out your part in this mess” because you already know that. It’s just a matter of walking through the fear and finding freedom. Unfortunately, at this point the children of a union such as this have already been so negatively affected by this that there is now another generation that will have to work through their demons. My girls would have been so much better off if I had pulled the plug on this disaster years ago when they were still little (just add it to the guilt list.) I know I’m rambling, but it’s just that it hits so close to home, and I so badly want to end this marriage, but I am so scared. I don’t have a career (work part time), I don’t have family that could help me financially, and I truly don’t know if I could manage on my own because I have never done it. But lately, he is making the decision easier because he has completely disconnected from me and his girls. This week alone, he left Sunday afternoon (supposedly work related) and just returned Thursday evening without so much as a “hello” let alone an explanation. I could just die when I actually stop and really, really think about what I have done to my life. You are correct in saying that alcoholism is a family disease, but, truly, as I sit here alone typing my heart out to virtual strangers, I can’t help but feel that me, a woman who gets loopy from a couple glasses of wine, has been the most affected.

That’s priceless, and I totally relate. No wonder I have so many animals…

Jeannot, that was absolutely beautiful, and how fortunate you are to have experienced such a great love in your life. I think there is a great novel in between your opening paragraph and the poignant ending. Hope to read it someday.

That’s pretty amazing, kermie b, thanks for sharing that story.

You know I am; if we don’t root for ourselves, who will? One last thought. From your picture, you don’t look very old, so, of course, it isn’t too late to make changes. Don’t be so hard on yourself. I can see from your writing that you’re intelligent and informed, with strong opinions, so you’ve got a head start on a lot of people. Whatever that first step is for you, I hope you walk through it. Happy Sunday…

Happy Birthday, Paula!

Wow, Roger, you could have been writing for me, that’s how well you expressed my exact feelings. It’s amazing how someone who is probably so totally different from myself could feel the same things I feel. Here’s hoping we still get a chance to make the most of that future.

I guess it’s true that children in the public spotlight have been exploited for years, but I wouldn’t compare child actors or family singing groups with something like this. Those kids ended up in the public eye because of some kind of talent that put them there. The difference to me is that since reality t.v., the country has turned into one giant freak show. If there is anything that is not a reality show, there is someone out there who will think of it. It has long since passed beyond reality and is now being manipulated, and it is my belief that this is what this woman is doing. It’s almost frightening to me. How far will it go to keep us “entertained?” We’ve got shows about short people, tall people, ugly people, famous people; a regular dysfunction palooza at the click of our fingertips. I am personally anesthetized to the whole circus and out of the loop when coworkers are discussing the American Idol “bikini girl” or who the Bachelor humiliated this week,etc.,etc. So I don’t care if freaky “baby lady” gets her show or her book, I won’t be watching or reading, and if more people felt that way, this wouldn’t even be an issue.

Smoking for all the obvious reasons; but I gag at open mouthed chewing and spitting, especially. What is it with men anyway? They actually have to have signs posted around the track at the gym “no spitting on the track.” Huh? But just last week I walked around that track for 3 miles while navigating around a big wad. Another habit that seems to have caught on lately are people conversing with me and saying every other minute “do you know (or hear) what I’m saying?” Yes, I’m right in front of you and not only do I hear you, but I understand you, so get on with the story!

I think she’s a doll, so petite and animated. Does anyone know how old she is? She looks so young; I mean naturally young, not like a lady with a lot of “work.”

You are a very caring person, Bonnie. I have had experience with Alanon. In fact, that was the first place I ever felt that I was not crazy; that there were many people who felt and lived as I did. It was a life changing experience for me. I have worked over the years, mostly part time. I actually just began working for a local hospital a couple of months ago as a clerk in the MRI clinic. It is only part time to start, with the possibility of full time. There’s tons of details to learn about insurance ((ugh) and lots of angry people. Some direct contact with inpatients is also required, and I find that uncomfortable and awkward, but I think I will grow into it. It’s a start, and I’ll see where it takes me. Thanks again for your words of support, and I hope Obama Day was not too awful for you!