I remember walking down town Buffalo NY and all the great stores decorated for Christmas, but they didn’t decorate until after Thanksgiving, now it’s halloween,  Right up to the late 70’s there were vendors on the street with roasted chestnuts, peanuts and people said "Merry Christmas", "Happy Holidays".  Not anymore.  When my children were young we went to down town Fredericksburg VA where they were raised and it was like being a kid all over again. They had the traditional decorations, the chestnuts, and everyone was wishing everyone else "Merry Christmas", not any more.

It’s not so much the shopping and stores I miss as the feel of the season.  It’s all commerical, and who can out sell who, and the heck with tradition, and the real meaning of the season.

I did everything in my power to not be like my Mother when I became one myself.  As a kid I imitated her with the cooking and housework, and taking care of my baby dolls, up until she had three other children after me (9 and 10 yrs younger then me), and then I had real babies to play with. And I helped raise them until I left home.  She drank too much, smoked to much and would take off sometimes for months on end, she’d say she was on strike and run to my uncles in Florida.  I don’t  know how she supported us after she quit working, and being a kid I was told it was none of my business.

So I didn’t drink, I was a hands on Mom who participated in every aspect of my childrens lives.  I am there when they want me to be and I support their decisions, and If I don’t agree it’s okay, because they want to hear what I have to say even if it’s not what they want to hear.

My children and I were able to break the cycle of booze, abuse, and abandonment.

I was an odd child, I had two favorite books, "David Copperfield" and "The Picture of Dorian Gray", I love to read to this day and for me to rea 3-4 books a month, some time more depending on new releases’=j, as a teen my favorite was a big fan of "romatic comic books", they were about nurses, everydaypeople you see every day.

Rachel, after I was over the initial shock my Mom sent me to a therapist and she’s the one who convinced me to move on with my life and not to become bitter.  When I graduated from H. S.(I was 17) she helped me get into college, without her help I don’t think I’d have gone.

In buffalo where I was raised my stepfathers name carried a lot of weight, right up to the day he died.  And all his kids and relatives used that name to get out of trouble, even my older sister.  I on the other hand have nothing but contempt for them all, they are the worse kind of Hippocrates.  They say they were out there keeping the community safe, yet they denied justice to a stepchild.  It took me years to put it in a box and only take it out when I was able to help others get through what I had.  My Minister taught me to use the hurt and pain and help others, and he taught me well, I can talk about it, help others going through the same thing and I can say I am not a Victim, I’m a survivor.

When we use the good and the ugly that has happen to us we can help others. And in the end we are really helping ourselves. Not for money or recognition, but for the feeling you get from doing something for someone other then yourself , it’s a feeling of accomplishment, of knowing you can help a person from the heart without getting anything in return other then Thank You.

Rachel the things I could tell you about the police department in buffalo during the late 70’s would curl your hair, one  thing my stepfather did was to brag about was what he took from the homes of murder victims, he and his partner.  But thankfully those that were there then are now long gone and fortgotten, and I pray the force has gotten better, but for this former resident of NY state, I won’t go back there for all the tea in china.

Thanks Rachel for being a sounding board.

Deni

Lauriate thank you for your kind words.  I always told my children what you say (written or verbal) last longer then what you do. I taught them that words are the most powerful device in our arsenal. With them you can bring joy, a smile, a tear, and fear.  Use your words wisely and they will help you get to your destination.  They witnessed my use of words, both spoken and written and saw how during my working years I could change things at home and work for the better.

I wanted to ensure they weren’t abused verbally or physically like I had been as a child.  Through my trials they learned and are now applying what they learned in their lives.  My daughter is working on a second BA but this time in Psychology (was genic study of endangered species-biology) and she own her own home, has a nice boyfriend and was promoted at work as second in comand, my son quit high school, but got his GED, and went from being a cashier in a music store to being the Manager of a High end Tea speciality store (Tevanna).  He and his wife just bought their first home and are planning to have a baby, Yeah!! Both of them at different times have told me from watching me go through what I had gave them the tools they needed to avoid most of the trials that occurred since their birth.  The only sad part is like me they want nothing to do with my siblings (except one), because of the way they treated me and them.  I think I did a really good job in raising them, (dad was never around), Words can hurt but they can also bring joy and happiness to others.  How we chose to use them decides who we are at the time they were spoken.

I’m so very happy that I am not just their mother but their friend as well, there isn’t a topic we can’t talk about together, nothing.

Lauriate I can go weeks without speaking face to face with another human, not like the phone, my daughter calls me everyday to check on me. The cat "Angel" was found being drown by a teenager and my daughter kicked his butt and brought him home, that was 14 yrs ago.  Then we found a liter of pups floating down the Potomac and I went into the river and got them, we had them all checked and got them shots and hung on to the little ones until we could find them homes, Sassie is the one that adopted my daughter and vise versa, and then there’s "Mac Wheeler," I had been in a horrid car accident, a woman broad sided me in a mall parking lot, it took 5 operations to fix the various parts of my body, so for Christmas that yr, my daughter took all her savings and went out to find me a Beagle (I named him after a pup I had as a child).

Maybe that’s why when I come to this site I ramble, to me it’s my chance to speak, share with other human beings.

I do go a bit crazy at times and worry if I lock the doors, blew out the candles, that I would turn around (in my car) and go home to make sure I did it.

My kids call me a Hermit because my interaction with others is slim, I’m afraid of being hurt again, or abused, so I chose to be with my pets and the occasional visit with my kids.  And Sunday Services I go, I participate and go home right away.  I really believe I am the way I am from the experience in my life, the good, the bad, and the ugly. I’m terrified of getting into a relationship with anyone (my children are excluded from this) for fear of being hurt again, I don’t think I could handle it so I avoid it. 

The three of them were my only companions when I had  "chest" cancer 5 yrs ago, they cuddled up with me in bed, they seemed to know when I was going to be sick, and Angel slept every nite around my head (after I went bald) to keep me warm.

Sometimes someone will ask me something and I’ll start a conversation with a complete stranger, realizing this was something that could be dangerous, so I took to talking to my pets and my children and once in a while when I can get her on the phone, my baby sister in TN.

And as I state above I ramble when given the chance:)

Number one letter:  I would be up front and tell her the way she’s going about this party planning is totally wrong, that she should assume his friends have the money and if they do they’d be willing to give it to her for a party for a friend.  If someone sent me an invite to a party like that I would tell her to read Miss Manners and see where she’s going ALL wrong.

Second Letter:  If your soon to be husband continues to let his kids run his life your in trouble.  They are blackmailing him in a sense, making him feel guilting over something that happened in the past, and becaue of it he caves.  He’s got to make a choice, let his kids learn the hard way, that Daddy isn’t the Bank and it’s time to grow up and fend for themselves, if he’s putting his GROWN children before the woman he say’s he loves and wants to marry, honey your in trouble.

Hi Carol, off the point for a minute, my grandparents on my Dad’s side were from Fort Erie Canada and I use to go to an amusement park Crystal Beach for the summer as long as I could remember. I got to take my kids there only once, my son was in the stroller (infant) and my daughter loved the suckers and of course I had to get her LoganBerry to drink,lol.

I love my laptop, I got one with a keyboard that is roughly the same as my regular computer.  I like the laptop because I can take it with me to them kids, when I’m in the hospital, or just out on a hike.  I find all kinds of beautiful things to write about, I’m hoping to get some of my work published (that’s a wait and see game).  I don’t use an iPod or anything else that requires earphones because of all the time I spend on Naval Air Stations or Marine Corp bases I’ve lost some hearing and have to wear hearing aids, so head phones are a no no for me.  I own a 35 millimeter camera, no digital, I take a ton of pictures, doesn’t matter where I am I find something to shoot at (picture wise, lol)  Some of the new things I could care less about, I have what I need and don’t care to add anymore to the huge purse I carry around now, lol

Rachel my life has been anything but easy, I’ve been through more then 10 people in the past 54 yrs.  This was the biggest and worse thing that happened to me in my entire life and it explains why I feel so strongly about children.

 A sad story but so true,  I was 14 and my step uncle raped me while I was suppose to be babysitting for him and his wife, he came home early and raped me. I went screaming all the way home not know what else to do (my Mom and I hadn’t had the talk yet), some notified the police that they saw a girl running and screaming down the street.  When I got home and told my mother she took me right to the hospital, after they did all the necessary things, they told my mother that indeed I was a virgin, and was raped, my mother authorized a D & C to be done immediately.  When she came to see me after the procedure I was in shock, I had no idea what was going on, the police came in to speak with me along with a counslor, I told them what happened, identified the uncle, and they told my Mom they were going to pick him up.  They took pictures of my upper torso for bruises and they had the rape kit so we thought they’d arrest him on the spot.

He was a COP in Buffalo NY and they took his word over mine.  He wasn’t arrested, reprimanded by the force, nothing at all happened to him. 

It took me yrs of therapy to get over it, I lost more boyfriends then I can count because I wouldn’t sleep with them.  I felt a lot of guilt about the D & C because I was afriad I had killed a baby.  They told me time and time again that there couldn’t have been a baby because the procedure was done so quickly.

At my Step-Fathers funeral he came up to me to say hello, and 30 yrs of rage against him came out and in front of everyone there I let them all know what kind of a person he really was.  It turned out he raped his own daughter, and two cousins, the cousins tried to have him arrested like I did, but because he was a COP, it was his word over that of a teenager.  He finally got what he deserved, his daughter reported it but not to the local authorities but to the Sheriffs office, she explained how the Buffalo Police refused to take our statements and he always got away with it.  But by me facing him for the first time in yrs the truth was out there and all the scared little girls (we were adults, but still children in a lot of ways) were able to tell about what happened to him.  He’s in jail now but he left approximately 6 girls scared for life.

I used my rape and recovery to help others through a rape hotline, and through my church.  But I was such an over protective mother that I didn’t let just anyone to be alone with my children ever.

Happy Birthday Whoopi.

Must tell you young Lady, your the resaon the VIEW is on EVERYDAY in my house, I rarely watched it before you came to the show.  I feel your the reason they won the Emmy.

 God Bless you, have a wonderful Birthday !!!!!!!!