I send much symapthy to the young man in letter # 1 but was also disturbed at how he compartmentalized this young woman ex-gf ("snarky"…from when he was pretending to be straight) and how he perceives her. Having once myself  been the "ex" in some other  young gay man’s sham of pretending to be straight, I can say this young woman  (and her heart)was treated/used as part of a facade without her permission or awareness. This creates a great deal of damage for her since she was looking for an actually available hetero bf partner. She likely feels used, mocked, and disrespected as a female…I know I did. There was a lot of sexual and relationship dysfunction put on me and my young psyche by this  former "pretend he’s straight"  young man. So maybe this young woman was quite traumatized at being used and discarded so cavalierly.  It does not excuse her "outing" him to his parents in the way that she did, but I think there is a lot more to his story about her and how she ended up doing what she did than he is looking honestly at or telling Margo. "Just sayin"…

Regarding him and being suicidal: that is a bit dramatic and this young man needs some serious counseling to help with a)  successfully "coming out" and also  independence from a dysfunctional family  and b) his  very troubling quick default mechanism to a very extreme choice: suicide.

As for his parents, they are being horrible and need to get over it, and get real about the world and about their son. If more people were OK with other sexual orientations besides hetero, we would have less emotionally damaged/disturbed gay and lesbian people because they would not have had such hell "coming out" as they grew up…and less chance for heterosexuals being used as camouflage.

I kept my birth/maiden name when I married, as 1) it is my name and who I know myself to be, and 2) I am very Irish and my (now ex) spouse is Rusian Jewish. His name did not even begin to  match my red hair and freckles! Also, his name was an "amercianized-version" of what is his grandfather (and before) was.  The American version was a dull, short, changed version and even all of his uncles all spelled it  all differently!  Chaos!  Years pass and we divorce. I am still MY NAME. We had no kids but if we had, we would have given middle names as mine or hyphenated. I am also one with an "americanized name" I have come to find out, now that I have learned the Gaelic spelling of my father’s name ( and my mother’s maiden name too). Long and crazy to know how to pronounce unless you understand Gaelic pronuciation.  An example: Just think of  the name "Sinead" …how it LOOKS like it should be pronounced, and then think of how you  actually say it. And that’s an EASY one. If I marry again, I will keep my name as it is, as I am professionally known by this name, and it harknes to the tribe I am descended from , for better or worse. I feel my identity in my name since it echoes my  very tall, red-haired, pale freckled Celtic looks.

Rebecca has a point, and I admit to being the one to encourage/push two different "spice-partners" over recent years to get some Viagra or a reasonable facesimile so we can actually DO what we were TRYING to do. Men…such egos and denial: i.e.: insisting a semi-flacid state of affairs is in fact an ERECTION! No, it is way, way NOT.  And intercourse with a semi-flaccid partner  can range from frustrating/annoying to painful! There were quite the conversations and ego-polishing to be done before they made trips to the doctor, and then  divine satisfaction was once again to be  had.

I could not help but wonder why didn’t some other woman have the guts to deal with this before these gents came to be involved with me? ("no fair…"she whined) The biggest thing was how much it reminded me of when the unpleasant chore of taking  my elderly dad’s car-keys away from him was dumped on me by my siblings and mom. Say it again? Male EGO: it’s a fragile thing. Handle with care! 

And gals! Chinese herbs can do good for your slumbering libidos. See your local practioner of Chinese medicine ( licensed acupuncturists… LAc’s…but you don’t have to get needled, you can get herbal teas designed just for your body/condition. That’s the beauty of the system. Get foxy in your later years! Woo!)

You would if you couldn’t get it up, but very much wanted to, so as to please your lady-love’s desire. ( and your own.)

A woman’s right to enjoy her sexual self in any consensual way that harms no one else should be celebrated.  Women’s sexual expression is a human right. Women’s sexual expression is as natural as eating. Women having sex  with consensual partners is great!! Oh, and while we’re at it: there is no such thing as a slut or an illegitimate baby or a bastard anymore…or other words used to bully women and control them . Let’s categorically reject these words as words of racism have been rejected. Lastly, No means NO, and shunning, "honor killings" (murders), and the like need to be dealt with in a way that liberates women…probably  (sigh) only with  with armies of armed women… I doubt that Lysistrata will work in a world where  violent physical abuse based on gender, rape and disrespect and gender holocausting is a global fact of everyday life. I know it sounds extreme but don’t you all feel fed up with the "way it is" for women?! Something needs to change or nothing will change. There are more rapes now than ever, and now it’s a war-crime of mass proportions, too.  And then there is all the "preferred gender-selection" births, and female infanticide. I don’t know when men took over this bully position, and I do know that  the good (non-bully) ones don’t really intercede to stop bad men from acting it out, which means silence = complicity. It is like a tsunami  of male hatred crashing down on females  and not everyone survives. What is to be done?…  And I have no patience with the women who help enforce this kind of evil on their sisters (i.e. gneital mutilations, etc. ) in some kind of morally bankrupt way to curry male favors upon them, like some inmates in a jail helping the wardens beat other inmates.  OK enough ranting for the night. Sign me: "Mad As Hell" at our plight as women and not willing to take it anymore. …down to my last nerve with sexism, shaaria law or anything else obscene.