SWEET!!   ^5!

Tea - I have had similar responces.   First when people find out I have one/two, they are shocked.  I wear conservative business clothes too.  But they forget after 3 seconds because we switch topics onto something else.   One lady at work is REALLY opinionated.  I mean one of those that has to have a comment on EVERYTHING.   She came up to me and DEMANDED I show her.  So, my ever so "keep the peace" mentality forced me to amuse her.  We go to the lady’s bathroom and I lift the back of my shirt (not a tramp stamp, its higher).  I have the tripple goddess on the lower part of my back.   She was amazed at the artwork (yeay artistic ability) and asked what it ment.   I spent a few moments telling her what it was, and what it ment to me, and why I got it.   She was almost moved to tears.  She now has a new opinion of tattoos…. as long as Aud does it, it’s ok cause she does it for the right reasons and the right way…..otherwise they are still tacky and unprofesional on women…lol!   God/dess I love this woman because her heart is bigger then her brain and her mouth is even bigger.  She is just one of those women you have to have in the workforce to make work life fun and exciting.  She pisses you off but you love her none the less..  ya know?

My aunt asked me the age old questions "what happens when you get old and saggy?"   I told her I wouldn’t be showing off my back in a sexy dress if i was old and saggy in the first place……i certainly wouldn’t be wearing a bikini in public…. and if i were to be married at the time, my husband would most likely be blind as a bat anyway.

LW1 - as the natives of the state of RI would say  "fuggetabbait"  In other words, don’t bother with grouchy gramps.  Let him come around.  And besides, I have learned that blood does not family make anyway.

 LW2 - wow.. for an independent pro fem group, i felt like i got tossed @ss first back into the 1800s.   Tattoos and women are still taboo? 

Well, I was raised by my very catholic and very misogynistic father (who I adore and still worship to this day despite his faults).   He had always told me women with ink where trash and in the workplace, unprofessional.  He would never hire a woman with tattoos.  I was brought up that tattoos were basically the devil.

Fast forward 20 years later.  I had converted to Wicca many years before.  I am now an banking officer of very large national bank.  I hold the chair of Diversity and Inclusion for my site.  I have a bachelors and am currently working on my Ex Juris Doc.  I hire and fire people.   I have 2 tattoos.  They are very large and they cover my back.   But because I am personally conservative, you would never see them because I would never show them  (unless you asked).  They are of my own design, they are my art.  They are both faith based.   They are a comfort to me when my days are hard.  They remind me of the standards I hold myself to when I want to break down and get on the level of those who really pissed me off or hurt me.  They act as my concious when I need to be fair and impartial.  But above all, they are personal, not a show piece.  But that’s my choice. 

My father wouldn’t talk to me for 3 weeks when I got the first one at 28.  He just shook his head and drank a scotch when I got the second at 32 after receiving my degree.

Point is, the concerns most people have today regarding women and tattoos are invalid.   I am not trash. I am not a slut.  I AM an edcuated white-collar professional.  I AM a registered voter.  I AM a moral person who gives to charity and volunteers time.  I AM a mentor and leader to my employees.  I have never stolen, cheated, used drugs, been arrested, etc etc etc…

As for the Jewish concerns about burials.  In my humble opinion, funerals/burials are for the living.  When you die, you will be with God/dess and s/he loves you regardless of how you express yourself physically.

If you want to please your mother and put her concerns to rest, you can always have them removed…..later.  Technology will make it easier in the years to come.

As an employeer, would I hire someone, male or female, if they were covered in ink?   Of course!   I have!  AND they have made serious contrebutions to my organization.  They have become leaders and mentors to others.  And mind, you, I work for a bank, not Hot Topic.

ps.. Margo, I am kinda disapointed.  your bias was a little noticable.  But don’t worry, we are all human.  I still adore you!

Ltr # 2.

Remember when you were a child you had a selective group of friends and you all promised you would be at each other’s wedding?   Well, there you go.  She had ladies that were either her best friends or her family in her wedding party.  That is perfectly acceptable.  You need to get over this imagined snub.  Its a family day so it’s their choice who goes in the wedding party.  These days you have both men and women on boths sides.. ladies in tuxes or fem faxcimilies of on the gooms side and vis versa on the brides side.  So if you chose to stay angry and chose to continue to feel slighted, be angry at both - be an equal opportunity spoiled hater.

I recall my wedding day.  My soon to be husband’s best friend was his best man.  His best friend had a very clingly, emotional, will-make-a-scene kind of wife.  She was going to flip out if she was not in the wedding party.   So we comprimised.  She was not going to be one of MY brides maids.  I didn’t know the woman, save for the social snubs she gave me on the few occasions I met her.  The roles of brides maides were reserved for my cousins.  BUT, what I did do was place an extra setting at the head table at the END and let the wife sit next to her husband.  

I only had a few questions about it and I said "his wife doesn’t know anyone here. (which was true) I wanted her to feel comfortable sitting next to her husband."

I always felt that wedding parties were more for the family and friends.  My cousins helped raise me during my very troubled childhood.  They had a desire to see this happy ending.  It was their right.  The husband and groom have their whole life as theirs.

"The Bible relates that on the fourth day of Creation, there is a discussion between the sun (the male force) and the moon (the female force) about which will be the dominant force in the heavens. There cannot be two rulers wearing one crown, so it was decided that the sun would be dominant but only until the time of the Final Redemption when the sun and the moon would have equal interdependency."

 It is nice to see other spiritual authors out there discussing the balance between male/female forces.   

As a wiccan, I respectfully disagree with this particular quote from the bible.    Since the dawn of time the Sun and Moon have had equality, both astronomically and spiritually.  Regardless of how women have been subjugated, we have always persevere and even thrived  - under the most dire circumstances.  There can be two rulers at one time.  You cannot have the masculine without the feminine to counter balance.  It is the concept of Yin and Yang.  For this quote to say equality will happen at the end times sort of disturbs me. 

Alcohol, drugs, what’s the difference?    People are going to use whether its legal or not.

Alcoholics are violent, meth heads are violent, heroin addicts are violent, pot heads are easily contoled and non violent.

The war on drugs is a joke and clearly it’s a war we lost.  But we continue to throw more money after bad.

It’s obvious when people are stoned.   People who say this is not true obviously are not that familiar with the drug culture.  But ask any child who has had family members of drug addicts or anyone who has taken any kind of narcotics class.  If someone is smoking pot, it’s obvious when they are baked, so much more then when a life long alcoholic is drunk.  You can even ask the alcoholics about this and they will tell you its true.

Not wanting to legalize is based on fear of the unknown and what could be and the "what ifs."

News flash, the gateway drug is not pot.. it’s alcohol.

Now, as someone who has lost many close family members to drug addiction and has been a punching bag for some of them during their meth, coke, steroid rages,  I say legalize pot.  And NO, I have never used it or any other illegal drug.  And I say this after living with the experience AND educating myself through Al-non, narcotics classes in college (criminal justic degree), research on the war on drugs and prohibition.

Legalize it.  And if you don’t want to use it, don’t.

I think i may have been a little sheltered.  My father, a cuban refugee of the late 50’s raised me on his own with the help of his mom.  Never once was gender an issue.  If I wanted a truck or GI Joe to play with, he provided.  He pushed science and math.  Although he did refuse to purchase things such a hairspray and makeup until I was 17.   No home economics here, it was Auto shop.  No ballet classes, instead it was Kick Boxing.    I once had a conversation with him about it after I got married and settled down.   He told me that he was preparing me for a man’s world.  I had to think like a man, be strong like a man, so that way I could survive in a man’s world.   Oh, I could get married, but I had best prepare for the day he leaves me and I am saddled with children.  (scary, but his prediction proved to be correct.  No children though)

I remember my father voicing his disgust at women in the workforce who dressed up and who were attracted.  He always said they flirted shameless with the upper management.  Any attractive woman in the workplace he was instantly suspicious of.  Of course, unless the woman had a degree and project management experience, he didn’t think too highly of them.  If anyone was interested in him, it was because she wanted his paycheck, not him.  It was like beauty is evil.

Quirky, yes… Yes, my father was.  However, he was brilliant in certain aspects.  Especially when it came to predicting my future.

 Today, in the workplace I see what he was afraid of.  I see my fellow female managers having bad reputations because of their looks.  They date, they go out.  Of course they do it correctly, as in not in their own dept.   But still, you hear the whispers, the rumors, and you see them hitting that glass ceiling.    The sad thing is, its other women who are doing the condemning.   I make sure I always call these women out when they gossip and slander.  I politely ask the "why" and they can never come up with a good reason for their behavior or venom for these other women.  But it is always done in that innocent "i am learning please teach" type tone…. still, they can never justify their nasty behavior.

I honestly feel that men in the workplace are just doing their own thing and are totally hands off on the women’s issues.  They don’t know which end is up… and they are terrified of even addressing it or asking questions. 

I have always been treated very fairly by men in the work force.  I have been treated somewhat unfairly by my fellow women.  And it’s always the same complaint.  I have the brain of an exec…. I just refuse to dress like one.   I think that’s one reason why men in higher management feel very comfortable around me.  I am the ageless tom boy with a visionary brain. Gender issues, dating, mating, relating, and sexual harassment are not even a thought when they see me.    Women see me as the teenager that refuses to grow up because I dress like one and refuse to comment or gossip about the other women. 

Because of my androgynous appearance and my "she did what with whom?  who cares - why are you even talking about it.. can we say law suit for slander?  shut up already and get back to work otherwise you will turn into a liability for this company…" attitude,  I am immune to a lot of pitfalls and challenges women face.

I don’t think you are, dear.  I sowed my oats before settling down.  My previous experiences or partners stayed in the past and have zero impact on my current relationship.  If anything, the love of my life is happy as all get out because he had only 1 partner his whole life prior to me.   To him its like this…. for over 25 years he has had ONE chef make him spagetti - and nothing else.   Now he has a Gourmet Chef and the menu is never the same twice. 

Of course there is NOTHING wrong with waiting until marriage, or being chaste.  Just like there is nothing wrong with exploring sexuality and enjoying it with who ever you want.  Of course be safe and responsible.   It is all a very personal decision.

#1   That ass clown husband sounds like a type A personality disorder with narcasistic tendencies.   He will end up destroying this poor woman if she stays.  You cannot get counceling for these types of abusive people.  There is no treatment.  They do not get better.  There is no cure.  She has only had 1 year into the marriage.  Get out now before it’s too late.   Trust me - I married one.  Divorced now after "trying" to save our marriage for 7 years.   Divorce was THE BEST thing I ever did in my life.  That’s how bad this guy was. 

Our therapist told me any marriage is worth saving and should be given  a 100% effort into saving it as long as the 3 A’s are not involved.   Abuse, Addiction, Adultery.  If anyone of those are in play - eh the person wanting to leave should not feel guilty and has the right to just leave.   There are 2 A’s in this marriage;   His emotional Abuse and her Addiction to him… ie changing for him, pleasing him, living her life soley on him.. she has no identity left.

Girl, get out, we are all supporting you.

#2… if this woman is oraly spewing her crap on company property, she is still under the expectations of a harassment free work enviornment.  This means even though she is on her paid break or unpaid meal break does NOT mean she can be a verbal terrorist.   Tell her manager, get HR involved, get her out of there.  She is creating a harassing work enviornment.  that is totally illegal because you, under federal labor law, have the right to work in a SAFE enviornment that doesn’t discriminate based on sex, gender (including reasignment), religion, creed, ethnicity, sexual orientation, disability, and age.  (i deal with this kind of thing every day because i am in management and work in a site that employes over 2000 people with a HUGE cafe… omg the things i have heard, the fights, and the firings…)

and don’t get me started on the religion debate.  I suspended the last person (direct report) that tried to convert me in the middle of a training seminar.  Of course it was his 4th or 5th attempt and he had been warned over and over and over again..

Eh, se la vi!

would we even be having this debate is Roman Polanski wasn’t Roman Polanski? 
How would we react to this story if RP was just a man, no talent, no fame?   What if RP was a 75 year old no one who happened to run away?

What if RP was an unknown 75 year old black man living in an inner city?

What if RP was an unknown 75 year old hispanic man living in an inner city?

What if RP was an unknown 75 year old white man living in the middle of the bible belt?

how would we be reacting?  What should his sentance be?

What do I believe?   rape doesn’t kill the body.  It murders the spirit.  It murders the mind.  I do believe some instances of rape should warrant a death sentence.

In this case, the fact is  a 44 year old male drugged and raped someone.   It doesn’t make it a difference how old she is because some 13 year olds are very aware and developed and some 18 year olds are still developing emotionally and are as nieve and childlike as a 13 year old.

Drug and rape.   thats the focus.   The man needs to be punished.  He destroyed a life.  The man needs to pay for his crime. The man needs to honor his restitution.  So, the question is, what is an appropriate punishement for a famous wealthy 75 year old?    Well, castration is out - the man is 75.  We need to take away his fame and fortune… but the courts can’t do that.  WE need to.  HOLLYWOOD needs to.   He needs to be BANISHED from the entertainment industry.  No one should even speak his name or watch any of his films.  We need to take away his power.  Take away his talent - labotimize the bastard.  He should forfiet his vast wealth to, not only his victim, but shelters and programs that help victims of sexual abuse and crime.    Things need to be done where RP ends up being a penniless, nobody on the street living in a cardboard box and at the mercy of the elements.   After a sevear caining and the joy of watching his genitalia being cut off and fed to a dog of course….

rock bottom is living on the street without his father giving him money, home, food, care every year, etc…..   when my brother is on the street, alone, with no where to sleep, can’t eat… living in a card board box - then he will hit rock bottom.   My father hit rock bottom letting that monster live with him and caring for him.

 I am on the other side of the county for a reason… i did call the cops.. many times… it didnt work.