It is great that you did not allow her to make the decisions with your house. I allowed my mother to influence me twice and it cost me some money.

I do not agree with letting the kids visit and know their grandparent. I had a grandmother on my parental side who when I was 15 treated me like dirt. Her name was Eullis but I just referred to her as Useless. The thing that bugged me about the visit is my mom did not leave when I was insulted but when she was. The woman hated kids yet she had 2 who were both screwed up between a father who had affair after affair with 5 marriages and a woman who hated kids. I am glad that she had very limited contact with my family. She left her most of her estate to my brother and that has created havoc in his life. But again I have a quibble with that decision due to the remark that he made right afterwards that she was the only one who loved him. That made me not want to have anything to do with him along with the other things that he did. Once he did not file taxes and the government took everything he made. He was allowed to only get $75 a week guess who supported him doing that time and I did and I am 5 years younger then him. When I lost my job and living at his house could not afford to pay him rent, he kicked me out. There is more but that is another story.

As tattoos, I say you do what you want but just remember your skin changes when you get elderly, things tend to sag. I have seen older women who get the permanent eyeliner and of course it looks horrible when they get older due to same problem.

The problem with most bills is they will not pass important parts of the bill unless they included pet projects from the individual members of the Congress. The bridge to nowhere was stuck on to a bill as the paragraph states:

The Gravina Bridge is one of a record 6,371 special projects, or "earmarks," in the Transportation Equity Act, a six-year $286 billion bill that rivals the recent energy billin its homage to the pork barrel. No politician better flaunts an ability to bring home the bacon than Alaska’s Don Young. As chairman of the House Committee on Transportation and Infrastructure, and Alaska’s lone congressional representative for 32 years, the elder statesman wrangled $941 million for Alaska in the bill, making Alaska, the nation’s third least populated state, the fourth-biggest recipient of transportation funds. The money for the bill is fed by a gas tax at the pump, but this slush fund isn’t redistributed to all Americans equally: The bill spends $86 per person on a national average; it spends an estimated $1,500 on every Alaskan.  This is from: http://dir.salon.com/story/news/feature/2005/08/09/bridges/

Note: this is not the only pork in this bill. It is just the most one talked about. There was even pork for Illinois too. This instance is the most popularly known.

So many important bills are still stuck in committees and they will probably never surface to be voted on. It would probably take a year to even get an actual job stimulus bill before Congress and who knows if it would even pass.

I am on Social Security Disability and do not qualify for medicare yet. My individual insurance premium is about $700 a month. I am hoping that I make it on savings until then.

I think most of my doctors do not accept medicare because they have progressively decreased the amount that is reimburse the doctor’s portion.

There are too many projects that are passed by the Congress such as the bridge to nowhere in Alaska. That money could have helped others in need. But the money keeps getting wasted on stuff that is so petty and unneeded.

This taking money from the government to give back to the government is priceless and shows how out of touch with reality the Congress is.

We need to get people back working such like on infrastructure projects - maintaining or building roads, bridges, parks etc. In Los Angeles county where I live, we have had 5 water pipes that have burst in the last 3 months. If we put people who are on unemployment working on projects such as this then we will not have to fund food stamps, HUD rental help (section 8) etc.

Most people who are on unemployment would rather work then sit at home and do nothing. If they got a paycheck, then they would be able to pay their rent or mortgage payments, feed their families etc.

I have tried to let my Representatives, Senators  and the President regarding anything related to getting jobs for people. All I ever get is that there is some bill which takes place in 2010. I do not think our current Congress knows what to do to help the American people other then spend money that we do not have.

I do not blame the President for anything. He can only suggest legislation but if the Congress does not act on this then he can do nothing. I wish that more people understood how our government works then maybe the blame game would go to the proper branch of the government who it belongs to.

I do not see any blame addressed to the House of Representatives and the Senate. They are the ones who send the bills to the President and he can suggest that they do something but that is about all he can do.

I have tried to tell the Senators and Representatives that the country needs jobs. They just blow off this by mentioning a piece of legislation that create jobs in 2010. We have been in a downward spirl since 2004.

I do not blame President Bush or Obama. They have to work with legistuare who wants to add pork to the bills that they pass in order to get something that would benefit the American people such as those who want to work and can not find it, those people losing their homes with nowhere to go due to fraud, ARM mortgages and predatory lenders etc.

There are highways, public government property, parks, schools etc that need to be repaired and maintained. Our country’s infrastructure is so bad that need to be helped. What is funny is a lot of what needs help was built by the "New Deal" passed President Franklin D. Roosevelt and the Congress to get the country somewhat moving  Even though it took the start of the second World War to get us back in track. I do not believe that we would have to go this far.

I hope that the whole government will get its act together and get us moving without passing bills that do nothing for American people.

I am one of the people who is on Social Security disability and would rather not be on it. But with my medical and psychiatric problems, I can not do anything I use to do. I am working with Dept. of Rehabilitation in my state to help me. It might take 3 years to get me back to work. One issue I see that would hold me back is that I use a cane to get around and I am sure in other jobs I have applied to have not wanted to have me. I know it is against the law but they still do not hire me.

I am in therapy currently. My mom triggers thing from the past and it is hard with her for me to get to the memory which comes up. I deal with those items as they occur. She is not the only one who can possibly trigger me but she seems to do the most.

One example of her stressing me out was that I was cleaning out my storage shed and getting rid of a lot stuff to go into a smaller one and I forgot that whatever she gave me as a gift she wanted back. So she just kept on me constantly about she wanted this back and where were some of the things that I could not find. I told her numerous times that I had no idea where they were.

I lived in TN for 2 1/2 years and had a very difficult time there. I decided to return to CA where I was born and raised since I had a friend who would get on my case to break out of my isolation. In order to do this I had to secretly plan my drive back and left my house with everything it for my handyman to pack up and put in storage. My mom turned on the crocodile tears 2 days before I left since I told her a week before I left but planned for about 2 months. I came back since I was in such a bad way that she would have tried to get me to stay. 

I am making a little bit of progress with the help of those who help me try to manage my life with therapy and medication. I did go to DBSA meetings but it did not help with my socialization issues and it was really negative on me.

I did my best by asking my psychiatrist for an additional medication to just get me thru the visit just in case. I ended up having to use it and I still had 2 meltdowns and several near misses while I was there on that visit.

I went back to TN to try to go back in my storage area to get rid of some stuff. My mom planned out my travel plan where I only was with her for 4 days of the 23 days I was there. So she does try to understand where I am in her own way. She thinks that my medication is unnecessary and I have told her either I take it or end up in a mental hospital. So she no longer brings up the subject.

It is easier to deal with her when I live 1900 miles away from her and she just can not visit me or having to go visit her. She still can get on my case regarding things but I am able to process better away from her. I do not hear from her unless she wants something.

She trys to suck me into her life and ask for advice which she never takes anyhow. She had a crisis while she was traveling in Europe with her husband which could have had her jailed in England by US customs due to his behavior. She talks a good game but does nothing to change things. So I just continue to accept a mother who is narcissistic and see me as an extension of herself. I can accept that and know that I will never change her but can only change how I deal with her to protect myself.

I was in a semi front accident. The man who caused the accident was making a left turn on a green light not yielding to incoming traffic. It totaled my car. I was wearing a seat bullet and my air bag deployed. I would have went thru the windshield if I had not had both. This was before CA passed mandatory seat belt law.

I was injured more in my abdominal area due to surgery one month before the accident. There is nothing they can do with muscle damage. I now walk with a cane due to my right leg dragging with my muscles clench up. I have had people say to me that it was sad that the accident caused this damage and I have told them I would rather be alive and muscle damage instead of being dead. I can still feel where the seatbelt buckle which held me back on my hip area.

I was in a Honda Civic and the other car was a big truck with 4 door cab. His truck bed separated from the cab with the force involved. I had to get an attorney because I lost time from work due to this and needed physical therapy for over a year. I was in another accident 2 months later where someone rear ended me.

2002 was not a good year for me. I did end up having 2 more surgeries for hernias caused by these accidents.

I will never drive without a seat belt and I was lucky in the first accident that I did not have a passenger since my car only had a driver side air bag.   

Jon has been the most embarrassing of the two. He is a cheater, lives 133 miles from the kids, breaking his contracts and divorce court orders (TLC by doing outside interviews), he blames Kate for not going to therapy but why did he go for himself?, he is self centered etc.

Now he has stated that he will not be seeing his kids for Thanksgiving but will go to the s_ut (Hailey) family instead.

It is sad to see this happening in their lives. But I can see how he could have been the same way in his marriage. He acts like a 3 year old and needs to grow up and be an adult. Kate has acknowledged that she did things wrong in the marriage but I have not heard him take responsibility for his actions.

Letter 2: I have always had problems with the communication with my mother. Lucky I have been in therapy and she joined me for one of my sessions. I learned that I can never change her and I am very much like her per my therapist at that session. So what she sees in me that she does not like about herself which cause her to react negatively toward me. Even though she will never see this, I do and am able to back off. I realize that I can not change how people behave but can only control how I react to others.

I am also bi-polar and live in CA and she lives in TN. So I go and visit her and my sister. She is beginning to understand that I can not be in her company for a long period of time without me having mood swings. It took one time for her to realize this and the fact that I will not stay at her house due to this. The fact is that I have taken responsibility as to how I need to moderate my contact with her. Thankfully my sister lives very close and I can stay at her house. I try not to take too much on since stress is not good for me.

In a short version is that you will not please her and I am wondering if it is possible for one of your other daughters go with you on the visit. This might make the one on one contact not as bad.

Letter 1 - I have been in an eating disorder program in a mental hospital and I saw that it is extremely difficult for an anorexic to get over their issues with control. Your boyfriend probably feels so out of control in his life that he is controlling the only way he feels he can. The only one who can get him help is himself. The situation with his family regarding his sexuality and the perfection that they required from him could have pushed him over the edge. The most you can do is to love him and hope he will do something to help himself since you can not. I have learned that I can only help myself with my eating disorder. But there comes a time that you have to walk away. I hope he will realize what he is doing to himself and get help.

One problem with not being married is that you have no rights to his Social Security benefits and you have no right to say anything about his healthcare sometimes a living will is accepted.

I am not sure that you are named as a beneficary on his life insurance. If he has kids they will probably receive everything if he dies without a will or if you are not named in the will.

If you have a house if it is both of your names then again depending on his will or if no will. The house would have to sold so his heirs would get their half.

It seems like I am focused on money but I have seen people in the situation you are in and if it goes bad then you are screwed.

Please make sure that you can support yourself without him and you are well prepared for retirement by yourself since you have no rights as someone who just lives with him has the right to get the pension paid

If you love him please make sure that you are okay financially without him.