LW#1: Don’t make the mistake of marrying someone because you’ve settled into a comfortable pattern with them or to retain a friendship. Marriage is very serious business and children only up the ante. Quite frankly, it sounds like a marriage that would eventually end in divorce and, if you think you have problems now, you haven’t seen anything. The two of you simply don’t sound compatible and it is important to be on the same page regarding issues such as religion when children are involved. They make a huge difference and things that maybe you thought weren’t so important when it was just the two of you or that you could kind of compromise on become major obstacles when it comes to how you want your children to be reared. Save yourself and your girlfriend a lot of grief by ending things now.

I’ve used both the public and private health care systems in Spain, including having a baby. By the way, the hospital stay was 5 days – a Caesarian with no complications and no complications for my son. My gynecologist visited me daily, including Sunday, and so did the midwife to help me establish breastfeeding. In the case of both the public and private systems, there is no paperwork involved and I’ve never had to battle to have a procedure covered. Medical coverage is determined by residence and is not tied to employment. I went through a nasty divorce with a young child in a foreign country and I am grateful that medical care has never been a worry. I’m not saying the system is perfect, because I don’t think there is such a thing, but there is a healthcare system in place for everyone. It does work, it is not bureaucratic, and most importantly, I have the peace of mind that if either my son or I become sick, we will receive medical treatment. There is no worrying about access to doctors, there is no worrying that a serious illness could financially wipe me out, and, God forbid, if one of us were to develop a chronic condition, there is no worrying that the healthcare could disappear.

Both very good posts, SA. I too live in Europe and, while I have noticed a growing number of food allergies in children (I was a preschool teacher for a number of years) that I don’t remember from my own childhood, I have never encountered the culture of oh, I only eat ____ when eating in restaurants, in other people’s homes or having friends over for dinner. I think that one thing is to try and accommodate a medical condition and quite another when you get to the extreme (I’m remembering a letter to Miss Manners on the subject.) of expecting your host to provide a list of the nonalcoholic drinks that will be served so that if your favorite diet cola is not on the list, well, you’ll just bring your own. It seems we live in a world now where all of our needs must be met and understood and we’ve forgotten about other people. Mind you, I could rattle off a few examples of this last sentence European style, but I haven’t seen it manifest itself in the area of food. My 8-year old son eats from the same table as everyone else and has done so since he was a year old (pediatrician’s guidelines). He can eat anywhere and it’s not an issue. As regards LW#1, I feel for you because you sound like a very nice man who is dealing with the consequences of a bad choice. I don’t believe that children benefit from living with parents who are in an unhappy marriage. Obviously, a trial separation or divorce that is civilized – and this last word is the kicker – is, I believe, the best for everyone. However, as we all know, not all separations and divorces are civilized and, for this reason, I think it is wise to discretely consult with a divorce lawyer so that you know beforehand what could lie ahead of you. And, if worse comes to worse, do what you know to be right and do right by your children. I wish you much fortitude.

How about universal health care for everyone? If you want it and can afford it, you can always take out private health care insurance. (It can be, but not always, faster than public health care and more “comfortable.”) I live in Spain and that’s the way it works here. My son and I both have health cards with magnetized strips for the national health care plan. Before I was married and during my marriage, I also carried private insurance and it too worked with a magnetized card. In both cases, no complicated forms to fill out and never an argument over whether or not something was covered. It’s kind of like education: if you’re happy with the public schools in your area, then fine; if you’re not and you can afford it, you send your kid to a private school. I’ll probably get lambasted for this, but when you start saying “oh, but I don’t need, for example, maternity, but I’d really like to have, say, dental, it becomes like a restaurant where everyone wants something that’s not on the menu just for them. We’re all in this together and we all need to see a doctor from time to time, some more, some less than others. Universal, please.

I’m afraid I fail to see how a child’s logic of heaven not existing because of what transpired with loved ones carries over into adulthood. Or that just because Santa’s beard fell off, he no longer exists. As an adult, of course he no longer exists in the sense that he does when we are children, at the North Pole, with the reindeer, etc. But he does continue to exist in the sense that we are all Santa Claus and that giving – at Christmas as well as at other times – should become a part of who we are. I think one of our biggest stumbling blocks regarding the issue of heaven is our desire to always be logical and nail things down so that we can control our understanding of it and that just ain’t going to happen with God. It’s a leap of faith. You choose to believe. I don’t know if heaven is a place or a state, but I do believe that we continue to exist after death. Logical thinking has its limits and we forget sometimes that there are other ways to think and feel.

Hands down, autumn. I’m not a big fan of summer and autumn brings a much-needed break from the heat. As a child, I always looked forward to the beginning of a new school year and so I guess I associate autumn with fresh, new beginnings. And then, there is the change in the leaves, which is something I really miss about not living in the US. Nothing beats that foliage. I love wearing sweaters and jeans and the crisp bite of the morning air and the warm, hearty foods that are associated with colder weather. I’m in the middle of a heat wave with temperatures ranging between 95 and 105. Oh what I wouldn’t give to go traipsing through the leaves and the chill!

Not that I’ve eaten at either of these restaurants, mind you, but I thought that El Bulli in Roses, Spain was #1 and The Fat Duck, #2. I seem to remember seeing this in the Spanish press just a few months ago. If I’m not mistaken, Ferran Adrià has had the top slot for the past 5 years.

Funny you should mention Leonard Cohen. Just yesterday I was reading an excerpt from an interview that he gave in 2007. That you were a diehard fan of his at 16 reminds me of a singer I was enamored of at that time and all through college, also Canadian: Gordon Lightfoot. My father used to get so sick of me playing his records that he referred to him at Gordie Leadfoot, especially when he launched into "The Wreck of the Edmond Fitzgerald." There was something rustic and romantic and tortured about his music that seemed to speak to me at that time. One song in particular, “If You Could Read My Mind.” I can still see the cowboy look and the golden curls and guitar and the cigarette. The thing is, I hate smoking so I guess it would never have worked out!

I make all three meals at home and I include breakfast in that since I make the breakfast cereal too! On my budget, eating out is considered a treat and I’ve gone months at a time without ever setting foot in a restaurant. I grew up in a household where we sat down together as a family at meal time and I’ve continued that practice with my son. It’s what comes naturally to me and I think we do children a real disservice when we don’t instill good eating habits in them. What I make isn’t complicated simply because I don’t have a lot of time (I’m divorced and I work), but it is fresh. I save the more elaborate dishes for weekends or for when I have friends over to eat.

What an extraordinary woman. She makes the decision to go forward in the face of what, for most of us, would seem unsurmountable odds. Thank you for sharing with us.

Imagine how much butter this one’s gonna take!

Belinda Joy:  Check out Jeff Herman’s Guide to Book Publishers, Editors, & Literary Agents. It’s updated every year and has very complete listings.

I wouldn’t dream of telling Jenny Sanford what to do. Quite simply, I’m not in her shoes and the answers are never as easy for those who are in these situations as they are for those who aren’t. However, it was nice for a change that we didn’t see her doing the “stand by your man” thing when the man in question certainly doesn’t deserve it. I wish her and her sons all the best. She seems like a strong woman and I’m sure she’ll come through this.

Unfortunately there’s not a whole lot you can do to stop the comments from coming. All you can control is your reaction. I’m 5’10” and have been since my early teens. My mother did everything she could to get clothes for me that fit which, at the time, was not easy. Today there’s a whole lot more out there and no need to wear flood pants. She also took me for good haircuts and then there was the dermatologist and the contact lenses. Your daughter is developing her own personality and, with your help, a style that will be a part of expressing who she is. My son is also tall – no surprise there – though I think that the issue of height is easier for boys than it is for girls. My response to the inevitable, obvious comment is “Yes, funny how I feed him and he grows.”

Thank you. I’ve always drawn a blank on this fruit’s name in English.