Sure, I think about him often! I left him and moved cross country because i knew the relationship would always have to be on his terms. He was talented, handsome and charming and all his life had been adored by a series of women starting with his Mother. I needed a more equal relationship with affectionate give and take. Our relationship had progressed as far as he would allow and I left with no regrets….but I do think about him and his honey colored eyes and black wavy hair.

I have never been much of a TV watcher however I did enjoy: Masterpeice Theater The French Chef Get Smart All in the Family Perhaps around 1965 I saw a series on PBS of American Dance performances which was the first time I had seen Modern Dance. I was absolutely enchanted by Merce Cunningham performance of “Rain Forest”. Later at my college, University of South Florida, the Merce Cunningham group performed “Rain Forest” and I had a front row seat. The live performance was more spectacular than TV could ever hope to be!

Smile! Never show you are unhappy or dissatisfied. Be sweet! Never be agressive. Don’t ask questions. Needless to say I failed on all counts…

the graphics are really complex and fascinating, however the video gives me the creeps! It makes me think of what women do to themselves to please others…changing, reshaping, and changinging more.

Somewhere I have a rehershal tape made by my Russian ex-boyfriend and 2 other musicians. The singer, my boyfreind, was AWFUL! He also played the accordian which terrified my cats

Cuisinart food processor suits me…It can transform things in a number of different ways and be used to create something wonderful from something ordinary. As an artist I am very aware of creativity transforming materials. Example, the most treasured religious art is made of materials with are transformed to the sublime by the artist and the religious meaning of the imagry. As a cuisinart food processor I could not create an icon or alter piece, but I could whip up a dessert to send someone into raptures of delight.

Brown concert in Tampa Fla, maybe 1970 something. Wow! what a show, but I did not catch his satins shirt that he threw to the audience.

I could never roll tortillas into enchiladas without them breaking, so I came up with a layered enchilada casserole. Everything that goes into enchiladas is layered as in lasagna, and topped with cheese. It usually slides apart into a messy heap on the plate, however it tastes great. Otherwise, my cooking is based on recipes that I “improve”. Recipes are a starting point and I always increase the flavorings, such as garlic, and greatly reduce sugar. My mother was a horrible cook and could make anything inedible, so I began cooking very young. To this day, I will not eat any type of gravy because hers was thick, gluey and would clot on the plate. When it cooled it would actually crack…cracked gravy!! I have always been on a tight food budget, however any food can be tasty if cooked well and has a few herbs or wine. thank you Julia Child.

I think my first kiss was around age 13, however I do not remember who. Fortunately, I have had many kisses that were wonderful and meaningful.

Watching my 3 Aby cats play always gives me a laugh. Stormy Pants (the goofy boy) always is the clumsy aggressor while Snazzy Mae is the smartest and top cat. Cassie Jo is addicted to cotton swabs and has a superior butt wiggle before pouncing.

When I was young I was considered beautiful…I have the photos as proof! Well, I hated being pretty! I did not like men “hitting” on me in spite of my wearing modest clothes and not being flirtatious. I found it insulting. I got a lot more male attention than I ever sought. I was told by well meaning older women that “you was so pretty, you could have any man you wanted”. What about matching values and goals, equal intelligence levels, etc??? I was even once told by a male employer that he hired me because I “was the prettiest girl who applied for the job”! Now that I am old and quite fat, and look nothing like those photos, I absolutely do not miss being pretty. The only part I want is my smooth blemish free skin because I now have rosecea. Blemishes aside, I am much more comfortable in my ordinary looking wrinkled aged skin than I was as a pretty young woman.

Being retired to me means not having to wear uncomfortables bras all day, every day! I can walk, not run, through grocery stores. Best of all…I no longer have to tolerate obnoxious, annoying co-workers who made me dread going to work.

The word “possesion” brings to mind a material inanimate object, however it seems from other posts that I need to expand my definition. So…my most treasured possesion is the love of my spouse Diane who cannot imagine life without. This relationship is such a blessing and came when I was over 50.

“Toxic Parents” by Dr. Susan Forward absolutely changed my life. After a life of guilt and confusion her book seemed to outline my early life and relationship with my Mother. My first attempted reading kept bringing me to tears and I could not continue. I tried again months later and felt that locked windows and doors were thrown open. How completely wonderful to know I was not alone and a total stranger knew about my pain. Since I lived in LA and was within driving distance of Dr. Forward’s office, I called for a counseling apointment. With no health insurance counseling was too costly, however using her book as a guide I am here, happy and guilt free!!! Thank you Dr. Susan Forward.

So, where does a kid go for advise who has an absent Father and a mean abusive Mother? You learn VERY young to be independent, cook your meals, wash your clothes, and listen to your own heart and mind for what is best for you. some people should never have children.