I want to know where all these jobs are that several of you have said this woman needs to get. Seriously, I’m looking for one. As are a whole lot of other people. 

I imagine it’s all happened something like this. Maybe she had a good job and lost it. Maybe they’re scraping by or just don’t have the money to go out and do things like they used to. Maybe she feels guilty if she runs around town because that’s burning up gas in the car they need to go to the grocery store or that hubby needs to get to work. Ok fine, they spend the 20-30 a month for net access and (if it’s one particular game) the 15 a month to play the game. I’d imagine that she is definitely using this as an escape, and it’s not quite so delusional as you might think, but to just say "get a job" is pretty stupid, especially in this economy. I’ve been trying to find a job now for four months, I’ve been unemployed for two weeks (knew I was going to lose it so I started looking early) and most of the jobs I put in for have had 100-200 applicants or more.Should she volunteer somewhere? Sure, but what if she doesn’t live close by a place and their family only has one car? I know, i’m throwing a lot of variables out there, but I don’t think it’s just laziness or that the wife is half-cocked in her brain. She might be a touch depressed and just has delved into this escape route because it’s more fun and active than real life. Honestly, if you think you’re saving the realm from goblins and what not, would that not be more fun after reviewing the rejection letters in the mail and the "you’re great but we don’t want you" emails? 

And breathe…with all that being said, at this point she does need to disengage and focus on her family more. She really does love her husband, she just doesn’t love their reality that much. These days, who does. 

Well sure, in those days the sign of virility was the amount of children you sired…in particular, male children. It is interesting to see what develops out of older ideas though. In the days of landed gentry and aristocracy, many men abstained from affairs just so an illegitimate heir couldn’t be produced to threaten the family fortune with a claim. Property rights ruled the day in those times, sad to be sure, but no less true. And I think that the attitude you describe was probably held more by those "in power" than the lowly masses. They had children so they could have a labor force. Sad, but true.

And you may very well be right about this fellow. I know guys like that, and to be honest I’m glad none of them have bred yet. I’m also glad my sister has a husband who respects her own wishes yet cares about her too. Obviously I hope he’s never put in that position, either way it’d haunt him for the rest of his life.

I’d be willing to bet this guy wouldn’t necessarily feel that way if he was actually placed in the situation. My brother in law, and sister actually, have both espoused the view that they would rather her die than a new baby, because the baby hasn’t had the chance to live yet, and she has. She has said this with much more force and vigor, and the only reason I say the BIL has said it is because he said he’d support her view. However, I think it’d be terribly hard for him to choose if he were actually on the spot "your wife or your baby".

It’s true there are men who will force their wives into not only sex but pregnancy, and that’s a terribly sad occurrence. I’m afraid I’m one of these women who does believe "every sperm is sacred" in that I’m not in favor of abortion (not fond of the terms pro-life or pro-choice) and I do think men should have a say in what happens, but if all he’s been is a sperm donor, why bother seeking his opinion. It’s such a prickly path, and I don’t think the thorns will ever be removed.

I’ll be honest, I’m pretty saddened by the fact that the 24 hour news machine feels it necessary to blast a glaring light on this one rather insiginificant person. Sure, he was a great entertainer, and yes he did a lot of charity work and he had a bad childhood and…etc etc. I could go on, I wish I didn’t have all this info, but I do. I’m one of those who agrees with the Long Island Rep in that the news media should report news IE bits of information that are actually applicable and pertinent to the majority of Americans. How does MJs death rank as such? It’s sad he died, sure, I’m not saying I’m glad he’s dead. However, I’d rather hear about things like the economy, the health care bill debate, or what’s going on with Iraq and North Korea, since all those either do or will affect me at some point. If MJ isn’t around to make more music, quite frankly that has little effect on my life, if any. This mad rush to turn him into, I dunno, the long-shunned emperor of entertainment and all things important is really irritating. He was a singer. He was a dancer. He was an entertainer. He had demons in his closet and was a troubled soul, and if you don’t believe that, just look at his face.

It’s just a sad statement about America that we’d rather watch a man’s funeral than know what’s happening with our troops and the world around us.

As far as L1 goes…wow, that’s insanely terrible. I have my own doubts as far as "reality" goes…but stranger things have happened, and crazy never takes a holiday.

Now, for L2…while I can see her viewpoint, and I agree with it in part, there’s also the fact that many of these women are probably seeking some kind of support system when they either get married or shack up with guy #2, 3, 4, etc. They think this time will be different…and it rarely is. I used to work in the welfare office, and it changed my opinions drastically, if for no other reason than the majority of women who do have three, four, and five kids are doing everything they can to keep these kids healthy and in school. They work their asses off. Might their lives have been easier without the kids? Perhaps. They do what they must to get those kids educated, though. Very few are the visioning of "welfare moms"…the ones that keep birthing just to up their benefits. Should some of these moms maybe hand their kids over to an adoption agency or a family member with better means? Maybe, that’s not our call to make, though. Whatever their motivations, it’s not up to us to tell them how to live their lives, unless those kids are being abused.

Also, my boyfriend and I were discussing the sex-ed topic last night. The mystique and glamour surrounding sex needs to be dispelled at an early age. It’d also help if shows geared towards teens didn’t show the teen characters having what is apparently mind-blowing sex every time the lights go dim. Seriously, was anyone’s first time fantastic? I think if we just get real with kids, tell them the dangers, the risks, but also the good parts, maybe they’ll at least protect themselves, or they may even be completely risque and choose not to bonk like it’s going out of style. Parents can help a lot by making it okay to talk about sex. In my house, it was something of a verboten topic, and my "sex talk" with my dad came when I was 17 and he said "If you’re doing anything, and I’m not saying you are, but if you are, I hope you’re protecting yourself". I wasn’t, but it just felt like "I’ve said my piece, never mention this again".

I’ve never really understood the appeal of being the "other woman", let alone the woman that broke up her family and her man’s family. This girl has good parents, and hopefully when it all flies apart in six months, she’ll realize that. As a younger female (25, at least for another week) I’d like to say that parental opinion matters more than what Margo thinks…but I’d be lying. Unfortunately many times we are not wise enough to heed the warnings of our elders.

As for L2 - Please, please please get out. File complaints, get corroborations from other employees if you need to, and video or document everything. Seriously. I don’t know that this guy is dangerous, but he’s unbalanced at best, and the missing hard drive would really be the kicker for me, to be honest. I’d like to know what your HR staff would consider stalking. I’m with the other folks, see if you can get your old job back or start pounding the pavement while you note down all the "quirks" of this supervisor.

Schadenfreude is a German word that means taking pleasure at the misfortune of others. There’s no one-word translation in English. It’s a fantastic word, though! Also, if you’ve ever seen Avenue Q, they do a whole song about it, just fyi.

It’s a weird situation, no doubt about it. Maybe he thinks by being honest that he will somehow salvage his political career (i.e. yes I did a terrible thing, but I let you all know rather than cover it in lies for more than a day). All I have to say is if my husband told me he was trying to fall back in love with me, and in the same breath said this other woman was his soul mate, then out he’d go. It is entirely his fault for getting in this deep, and I really think he’s just trying to make himself feel better by deluding himself with visions of love and not accepting it is most likely just a powerful case of lust and a want for change of scenery. His other confession about the other women he "crossed the line" with supports this notion.

I admire his wife for having the strength to push him away, but from everything I’ve heard about her, she’s not one who’s lacking in strength, courage, or self-reliance. I hope she continues to take care of her children and do what she thinks is best for them.

Also…cmon people, stop with the bipartisan bickering. Every party, from the huge ones to the tiny ones have folks in them who have done wrong by their spouse, loved one, child or whoever. It’s called "Nobody’s Perfect" syndrome. Everyone’s infected!

 

Most everyone has said this, but I’ll go ahead and add my 2 cents worth. The guy’s cheating, plain and simple. They may not have crossed the clothing barrier…yet…but the fact that you’ve expressed concern and he’s told you he’s not willing to tone things back is enough reason in my mind to head out the door and to an attorney. Find out your options, and seek counseling if he’s willing, but I doubt this dude will want to work through something he doesn’t see as a problem.

As for L2, honey, please leave. You’re only 42! There are still many men out there and available to you, who won’t make you feel like a woman-husk. Get out of this destructive situation and focus on YOU, things you like to do and that make you feel good. Once you do that, a man will come along who appreciates all you have to offer. As Greg Behrendt says "don’t waste the pretty!" Especially on this loser.

I think a problem with parenting in general is permissiveness, but I don’t think it’s contributed to the massive uptick in ADHD diagnoses. I think parents are less patient in general, and if someone offers the quickfix pill that will calm the kid down, well that must be the solution, not finding other outlets for little Johnny’s active body. I also think that there needs to be way more observation than, what, an hour? for a doc to slap an ADHD label on a kid and write out a script. My current boyfriend has been diagnosed with ADD, and his doc told him meds would probably help, but they might not, so he is currently unmedicated. He gets along fine in life. It’s funny, twenty years ago ADD was just called "scatterbrained". I do wonder if the mollycoddling of kids has contributed to that. I live in a rural area where that isn’t exactly the norm, but some of the new parents stymie me. They’re with their kids, glued to their side, at all times. In church they’ll stay with the kids in the classroom rather than let them stay with the classmates and teacher. Surely an hour’s separation isn’t too demanding for Suzie? My mom left me in the nursery. I had babysitters. I scraped my knee and bumped my head and got sprained ankles and bloody noses. And I turned out fine.

Also, as far as L1 goes - if he’s happy, that’s what matters, but I wonder if he’s not exaggerating how bad women are and how bad marriage is to make it seem like he’s more justified. You don’t have to justify your decision, dude. It’s your life. If you’re really truly happy spending time with friends, running your business, and having quick romps with the new cutie down the block or whatever, have at it. I just suspect you’re not as happy as you may think. Marriage isn’t for everyone though, so kudos to you for not wrapping yourself in a tissue paper relationship just so people don’t look at you funny.

As far as letter 1 goes, I think this is part of the problem with internet dating (and I’m not a dater-hater, I’m currently in a long distance relationship with a guy I met online). He definitely needs help, and he’s probably been like this ever since they first started talking. One time, I found out a guy I was "seeing" (just online, though I was planning a meet in the near future) was also seeing 2 other girls at the same time. While he was confessing to us all, he was still lying to us. I was different, he really did love me but the other girl was emotionally fragile and he’d never really gotten over girl #3, whle he tells girl 2 that he never really loved me, etc etc.. And he watched porn, and cybersex, and all that. The point is, he’s lying to you, he’s hiding things from you, and it’s not because of his high libido. He has a problem. I personally advocate moving out for the sake of your kids, not a divorce but a legal separation, and if he gets treatment and stays clean for six months (really a year) then take him back and let him back in your home. If not, toss him to the curb, cause it’s only going to get worse.

Letter 2 - Call the police! That lady may not say she’s ill, but she’s got something messed up in her brain. I’m with Margo, you should not feel like a prisoner in your own home.

Well, doesn’t any murder put others in fear? I’m certainly not thinking about roses when I hear about anyone being killed. I don’t think it’s an act of terrorism. It is murder, though. And no matter what he did, nor what other people thought about it, there’s no justification for that. I do think calling it terrorism is a bit much, though. Is the guy who kills his wife’s lover a terrorist because he strikes fear into other adulterers? If, perhaps, there was some network of abortion doctor murderers, and they conspired and went out in accord to do this with the goal of striking fear into the entire medical community who either supports or performs abortion, then fine. That to me is terroristic. All I can tell is this guy, on his own, decided to get rid of one abortion doctor. Tragic, yes, no matter your views on abortion. Terrorist? No.

What bothers me are women that tell me I’m being prejudicial or somehow abandoning my estrogen by not supporting her. As I’ve stated, it’s not about her being successful. I wasn’t all that wild about Clinton either, but for much different reasons. Clinton kinda went the other way, almost putting on false bravado (i.e. machismo), and I liked her a lot better when she was just talking to people, because in those moments she looked like a person, not a politician. She was more effective when she went off the cuff, imho.

Also, everyone has skeletons, and everyone has done things that haven’t turned out so great. I don’t think turning the heat up on Palin in regards to her parenting is necessarily fair, because who of us out there hasn’t made mistakes in parenting (or will certainly make mistakes, like me). I do think that her extolling certain viewpoints makes her vulnerable, but what’s troublesome is, if it were a man saying these things on the political stage, say John Edwards (pre-affair), and his daughter ended up pregnant, people would probably take pity because they’d assume Elizabeth was too sick to take tabs, and John was, of course, too busy to get into the minutiae of his daughter’s life. And it wouldn’t be mentioned but maybe a handful of times. Not only will this be mentioned in Palin’s repertoire for years to come, but it was potentially politically ending for her. Why? Because it’s women and children, and because women don’t have the stain-protection men do. One smudge on a woman, and people don’t want to touch. Guys can be covered in oil and soot and yet the public will still embrace them. We’re all dirty, people. Every single one of us.

Wow, pull back the claws people. First off, I agree with Mr.Wow here about one thing. If people ignored Palin, she wouldn’t be able to gain popularity. I’m not a fan of hers. Not because she’s powerful or successful or seems to "have it all" or whatever. It’s not a jealousy thing. It’s more because as soon as she stepped onto the stage, she became almost a caricature of what she could have presented herself as. She didn’t come across as an intelligent, mature, politically-savvy woman. She was snide, pandering, attacking without checking facts, and wouldn’t or couldn’t answer questions when they were asked of her, which is rather inexcusable of an elected official.

In fairness to her, I think that Letterman did overstep his bounds. Kids should be kept off the jokelist and off the political attack machine checklist, no matter how old or young they are. If Letterman had said something similar about the Obama girls, or even about Michelle, there would have been just as big an uproar. 

Also, O’Reilly wasn’t responsible for anyone killing that doctor in Kansas. He didn’t tell anyone to kill him, he didn’t hire anyone to kill him, all he did was report on the guy every so often. It wasn’t even a nightly "tiller the killer" update thing. Granted, if he talked about the guy every night for four years, I might think that people were finally spurred to action, but to say that because he talked about what the guy did, and gave it a negative connotation, means he meant for people to murder him is ridiculous. Again, in fairness, I gotta wonder how many of those little kids that the guy would have killed (yeah, I’m pro-life, get over it) would have been better off with their parents if they were willing to get a 3rd term abortion. Poor babies. 

I’d pay off my debt, my brother, sister’s, and parents’ debt as well…put some cash in a trust for my nephews for college, then head to London for a few months, inviting friends as they were able to get time off work. Ahhh…sounds so nice!