oh man, hit reply before doing my spell check, sorry!!!!

I was alid off in 1991 during the East Coast development downturn - it was June and I was still young, no kids, so I took the summer off and wrote cover letters on the beach (typewriter) - I got in an even more awesome shape than i had been in even - then i nthe fall, I started working at a temp agency and then I started to fall into longer stints of work, "charrette help" helping a firm get that rare project out the door or covering for a marternity leave and then in 1993, i had my fisrt child, took another 6 months off to get through that and then switched from the private sector to a public sector job and I nver looked back - so that time in between was of very good use, i met some great people, I still kept a decent resume along the way, and I leanred a few different angles to my business that I didn’t know before so it was time well spent overall…

you became wise early in life - an excellent choice!

this is an amazing story and you are an amazing person - thank you for sharing your story

Mine was a washing machine at 28 years old and I said to my husband, "We’re now grown ups because A, we just bought a major appliance and B, we can’t move our stuff in the Subaru anymore - I remember distinctly seeing that as highly symbolic - don’t even ask how emotional I got when we bought a station wagon right before I turned 30, LOL

Attendance to Blue Man Group concerts has become mundane

How people treat people in customer service (a stranger paid to help them) tells a lot of what kind of person they are

Forgive, huh? The court of public opinion is getting out of hand - it’s not up to us to forgive, it’s up to their spouse

If their transgressions are somehow illegal (prostitution, underage or otherwise) or professionally unethical (that is, on company time) then the public (or the employer) has a right to forgive (or not to), but really, we need to just stop caring who is zooming who - it’s none of our collective business

I just took my 5th grade church school class (Roman Catholic) to an old cemetery to do some rubbings - I use the exercise as a less threatening location and project to talk over death and their perceptions and discuss people that have died that they knew/loved - the graveyard has stones dating from the early 1800’s into the 20’s so it’s also a history lesson about how previous generations dealt with death (genealogists also love them - we don’t realize what we do today is tomorrow’s history) - the symbols of lambs (for children/babies), a ship in torrential seas (for sea captains lost at sea - I live on an island in Maine), willow trees with acron urns, flowers, a spade, the curious Masons’ symbols - it’s fascinating - the best ones to me are the ones with poems that let you into that family a little more closely

today, it’s a name on a stone so yes, it is a waste of space and money if there isn’t some other symbol of that person - but even then, if the family/friends left behind need that "place", then why take that away from them?

in October, I visited my Dad’s grave in NY with 2 of my kids and my Mom to plant some bulbs and my 5 yo was asking lots of questions about where my Dad is now and such and then he said "If your Dad is in Heaven, then what are we doing here?" (a reasonable question) and then my Mom sai "because I need to be here"

some of the best urban (and even suburban) open spaces and parks are found in cemeteries - if it weren’t for the genius of the father of Landscape Architecture Frederick Law Olmstead, these Victorian parks that were also cemeteries would never grace our citiesand we’d be worse for it

for those of you that do not want funerals or other markers or any ceremony, I will remind you that wakes, funerals and all this "stuff" is not for you, it’s for those that are left behind - people need remembrance and closure as part of the grieving process and it’s not right to take that away from them

I grew up in an Irish Catholic family, and funerals were parties, excuses to see cousins and the adults would gather and get caught up, talk about who had died and give in-person solace and a break to the spouse/kids from their grieving and their loss - let the ones you leave behind to decide how best to remember you

I like the idea of green cemeteries because they add to the benefit that cemeteries can be parks as they were in the turn of the last century - they really are not a waste of real estate, I mean, come on, would you rather have a Blockbuster video store there?

I think this is "the way to go"

When I started in the public sector after 6 years in the private sector, I had to start over, entry level - in 7 years at this town, I upgraded 3 times - this is what I did:

I started doing the job I wanted BEFORE I asked for the promotion and raise, for about 6 months - I was lucky to have a supervisor who was happy to have me take on more important projects (this is key) - and then, when it was time to prepare the next year’s fiscal year budgets, I came in with a written proposal that had my current job description edited (edited and clean version so it was all set to go) and a salary survey of what I should be paid, with the grade pay scale table the town used marked up to show where I would then be - it worked everytime

I only left because I had got myself just below my supervisor, who had helped all the way and was/is my friend, so I hit the ceiling and moved on with a great resume of promotions and increased skill sets

the key is to not go in therewith the attitude of I deserve it so you better give it to me - the key is to do the work for HR and your supervisor - have all the documents ready for them to sign and not promise what you will do when promoted, but list out what you have done already so they are only recognizing what has already been done

of course, this was in the days of sex and candy of the 90’s so the current economy may not allow such monetary recognition

today, I am working with my manager to upgrade my department head position so I am taking the same approach but given I am part of the management team already so I am part of the budget process (and not a bystander) I have to take responsibility that the budget may not allow me (whether fiscally or politically) to give me the raise so I am thinking of other things

for example, this budget year, my employer is paying my cell phone bill, which is 100 bucks a month - they also pay for luncheons with local business people, so technically it’s not a raise, but it’s things I don’t have to pay for anymore out of pocket - so there are other ways to get a raise without it showing up on the ledger

so yes, as others said, be confident and all that - that’s a given - the real deal is to have a plan, have it ready and have Plan B ready to go

I can’t wait for this book to read - I was mesmerized by The Glass Castle - I couldn’t put it down, ended up staying half the night to finish it - this author is truly gifted and her strength is overwhelming - thank you for interviewing her!

canuk canuk - then they shouldn’t call it a news program if he’s not a journalist

The irony is that if we know of a woman whose husband makes all the decisions we tell her she is cow-towed

I think many couples in my generation (I am 45) have it a little both ways - some things he’s better at, some things I’m better at - conflict arise when we both think we are better at the same thing and then it’s a rush to supremacy not unliek a scene from The Honeymooners!

The key is to laugh about it when you can and when it truly is ridiculous, carry a mirror,  fight about stuff that matters, and, if it doesn’t matter and it still bugs you, grip about it to your girlfriends over coffee/wine

too much work in real time - but I do lurk in here still - hadn’t felt the need to post until this one - lol