no matter how old the child, they know what was going on.  

I disagree - not if the abuse is emotional or mental. 

But props to your son

In defense of the daughter, we’re only hear one side of the story - her mother’s PERCEPTIONS of her daughter. It’s entirely possible that the daughter truly doesn’t know the whole story.  After 14 years, it’s entirely possible the daughter wasn’t there or aware of any abuse.  And if mom’s not entirely 100% upfront about the past, it’s possible that the daughter can not comprehend why her mom would not want to participate in past events because of a parent this child loves.

But if that’s not the case, and this daughter is just really this self-involved, then LW needs to be prepared to miss out on her daughter’s life.  And I personally think that’s too much power to give this man.

If children weren’t involved, I would whole-heartedly agree.  But turning your back to the daughters sins may only serve to punish the grandchildren. 

I’m in a similar situation with my own sister.  While it’s not an affair, there are definitely some things going on that I’m less than thrilled with and I’d like to wash my hands of the entire affair.  Except, to walk away from the situation my sister has created would not punish her, but would be abandoning my niece and nephew, who I think are going to need all the family support they can get.

I may be over-reading this, but I was more concerned with the last part of the response - 

"I would also like to advise people who disapprove of your lifestyle not to write asking why I didn’t tell you this is not "normal" or "moral." I only and always deal with the question asked."

I feel like by not saying it…she did.

Guys are very visual creatures.  Women are not.  I’ve watched some porn and seriously, after like 5 minutes, I’m BORED TO TEARS.  However, I think women are more cereberal.  That would be why Harlequin novels continues to thrive and why they don’t produce a line for men.