Thank you for the info!   I am actually the white adoptive mother of a black child, so even more in need of guidance.   My African-American coworkers have been gracious in answering my questions and providing guidance, but I’m finding that everyone has a different opinion.   Tori’s hair is very thick and nappy… many of the products marketed for black hair have not been good for hers, so I really appreciate your specific comments about the ingredients.   I’m a low-maintenance gal with my own hair, so am always looking for the best (healthy, quick and low-maintenance) way to manage hers.  Thanks again!!

One last thought as I read through these posts… they have illluminated for me just why I’ve been so fearful in asking for help with my daughter’s hair from the various African-American women around me.   I adore my daughter, I love her hair, I want more than anything for her to be a self-loving proud black woman…. but if my genuine questions are regarded as Racist, or Ignorant, or Stupid, or Whatever,  how am I to do right by her???   It certainly seems as though a white woman asking these questions  — even if it is to benefit her black child —- is damned in either case,  and it breaks my heart.

Thank you so much for the feedback.   I have been doing twists in Tori’s hair since she was 2 yrs old, and would love to put her in dreadlocks (my partner objects, so we haven’t pursued it - Yet!).   You don’t happen to live in Milwaukee, do you?  Because I would love to join your hair party LOL.  

Belinda, thanks for the hair product suggestions.  I have in fact used the Just For Me brand, but it seemed no more effective than anything else.   The detangler didn’t do much to detangle my daughter’s hair, which was very disappointing for both of us.   I will now try the Africa’s Best line with fingers crossed.   Fortunately,  I live near a beauty supply store that has an enormous assortment of manufacturers and brands —- my problem is that I don’t know which to choose!  (The owners are not African-American and have not seemed very knowledgable.)   I’ve been asking my black co-workers for guidance, and they’ve been helpful, but as you might imagine, everyone has a different opinion.  

And one side note —-  I *NEVER* say or even imply to my child that her hair or skin is anything other than beautiful.  What I do say is that my hair is different, and isn’t she lucky not to have to wash hers every day like i do?   I’m mostly apologizing that I haven’t yet found an easier way to help her manage it.

 

Keneisha, thanks for the suggestion.   My biggie concern is to minimize the time we spend on my daughter’s hair… right now I’ve got it down to about 2 1/2 hrs a week for washing/twisting, and am always seeking a way to shorten that time.   I don’t know that she’d be willing to sit still for those gorgeous braids on that website.  I’m looking for the easiest, quickest and lowest-maintenance style possible — without breaking the cultural taboo by cutting it short.   Thanks to everyone for their comments!

I am a white woman with a beautiful 7-year-old African-American daughter, and this conversation has scared me to death.   I’m the one who does Tori’s hair today (wash/condition once a week, then twists all over)… and it is not a happy event at our house.  I’ve been looking forward to the day when we could pursue a relaxer —- in the blind hope that it would be easier / faster / less painful.   Well, this interview has completely changed my mind.   I would LOVE LOVE LOVE to find a fast, low-maintenance, pain-free hairstyle for my active girl.   ANY suggestions???