We’ve had a teenager at our local high school die this last week from the flu.  He was completely healthy, developed symptoms on Friday, ran a high fever and was hospitalized with seizures, and was dead by Sunday.  

The hand sanitizer at the table seems a bit much.  I don’t like the smell either.  Everyone should just have excused themselves after ordering, and washed their hands in the ladies’ room.  That used to be called "freshening up."

Saving marriage….it’s something I’ve studied, and believe in, because most people want their relationships to improve at some point.  Most people, especially women make an enormous investment in the relationship, and when it’s painful and disappointing, they often don’t know what to do.  It’s suffering, but often unnecessary.

"Saving marriage," is really an educational approach to support, marriage, preferably BEFORE the problems have set in.  Part of the mission is raising a new generation of young people that value marriage, understand it’s benefits and limitations, and learn to avoid avoidable stressors, like affairs, debt, and addictions.  Marriage statistically is very beneficial to children, scholastic achievement, neighborhood stability, crime rates….and on and on.  It has a domesticating effect on men that really keeps a check on male aggression while motivating men to achieve, and succeed.  

As social science research data and government surveys increasingly show, the decline in marriage since the 1960s has been accompanied by a rise in a number of serious social problems. Children born out of wedlock or whose parents divorce are much more likely to experience poverty, abuse, and behavioral and emotional problems, have lower academic achievement, and use drugs more often. Single mothers are much more likely to be victims of domestic violence. With the rise in these problems comes high program costs to deal with the effects of the breakdown of marriage.

For children whose parents remain married, however, the benefits are real. Adolescents from these families have been found to have better health and are less likely to be depressed, are less likely to repeat a grade in school, and have fewer developmental problems. The implications of such mounting evidence for social policy are immense. Too many welfare programs continue to undermine marriage among the poor and must be reevaluated. 

http://www.heritage.org/research/features/marriage/index.cfm 

Serial cheaters are borderline sociopaths having absolutely no empathy for those whom they will disappoint or devastate. 

What is of greatest interest to me, is the self-deception by the cheaters.  Every day they lied to themselves and said they would not get caught, and the consequences wouldn’t be as hurtful as they have been.  They become delusional living in a mirage of their lying beliefs. And they lie thousands of times to enable their behaviors.  It’s really a personality disorder, difficult to change, and makes the person COMPLETELY untrustworthy in every other area….remember how Bill cheated on the USA by pardonng Marc Rich for big bucks.   

I would have loved to have ignored Bill Clinton’s tacky affair, and Hillary’s tragic enabling, however, it all came to light because Bill had been legally accused of sexually assaulting Paula Jones, a state employee, when he exposed his genitals to her in the workplace - without her permission.  Monica was evidence of Bill’s pattern of workplace improprieties.  (The irony is that we have put Hillary in charge of snooping out which countries are cheating on their nuclear agreements - and she hasn’t figured that out either).

These leaders and celebrities enable others to commit behavior by offering a rationale - remember all the articles on the increase in oral sex in junior high since the Clinton scandals, and kids stating that they learned that oral sex isn’t sex, and calling it a Lewinsky.  Sexual promescuity and infideity is a public health issue.

Speaking of dirty sex, did anyone else see the website called Sex Degrees of Separation

"

It’s important to be aware of your sexual health. Cases of sexually transmitted infections (STIs) are on the up. Chlamydia alone increased by eight per cent between 2006 and 2008. If you do not practice safe sex you are putting yourself at risk of contracting an STI.

You may have heard of Six Degrees of Separation. It’s the idea that we’re all just six connections away from everyone else on the planet. This is the inspiration for Sex Degrees of Separation. By answering the questionnaire below we will be able to calculate the number of indirect (and direct) sexual partners you have had, going back six degrees of separation.

The calculator is not a diagnostic tool but does highlight how exposed you can be to STIs if you do not practice safe sex. If you are concerned about your sexual health you can either talk to your GP, pharmacist or visit your local GUM clinic. Information regarding a range of sexual health issues can be found via the menu on the left-hand side of the page.

http://calculators.lloydspharmacy.com/sexdegrees/

 

I tend to put great emphasis on how a person spends their leisure time - self involved vs. helping others AND the quality of his sense of humor.  If the humor is grim sarcastic, and beastial - I shy away.

Also, I look for white lies.  If the person comfortably reveals their little white lies, I make a mental note:  untrustworthy!

Last but not least, contempt.  If the person is prone to express contempt or disgust for many people places or things - the person is far too toxic for me to tolerate on a regular basis.

Things I prefer in another person include:  warmth, radiance, trustworthiness, respect, graciousness, clever sense of humor, love of children, love of animals, financial maturity, spirituality, intellectual capacity,  love of serving others, …..(and since all these things describe my spouse, lets just throw in sexual prowess and call it a day)

This is my favorite horror topic.  I am writing a book on child awareness - as in "where is the little darling now?"  Horror stories for parents to read out loud.  There is so much to be learned from many of these scenarios, for example:

 1) Backing out of the driveway needs to be a two adult process - just like it takes a person on the ground to help a pilot back an airplane out of the gate.  One person must be in complete physical control of the child while the other parent is pulling away.  I used to stand in the window with my children,  "Wave goodbye to Daddy."  Otherwise in the DOZENS of stories I’ve read, in blink of an eye, that child can end up behind the car - crushed, and just as dead as if an airplane had run over her.  

 2) I call it The 5Layer Safety Burrito -  ( a take-off on Taco Bell’s 7 Layer Burrito).  There is nothing that can ruin a night’s sleep for me like reading the latest toddler horror story on the AP newswire.  The stories get forwarded to me via Google each evening.  Just this week, I read about the TWINS that drowned in their family pool.  The parents were responsible, but the mother had fallen asleep and the two year olds had been playing tea party, and needed water, and had managed to get the pool gate open.   The mother commented that some comments from people had been vicious.  Those nasty comments are a defense mechanism that people use to make themselves feel impervious to this type of tragedy.  In reality, toddlers are the ultimate Houdinis.  My 5 layer pool safety recommendations include:

A.  A wrist device on the child that detects moisture:  Wristband sets off an alarm that can be heard both inside and outside the house.  We use "Pool Turtles."

B.  A wave detector that floats on the pool surface:  It can be set to a very sensitive setting, so that even a small child slipping in will set off the alarm.

C. A pool fence: Minimum 5 foot high fence with self closing gate (automatic pool covers also work) AND

D. A lock, a lock, a lock with a KEY on the self-closing gate.  The twins slipped through the self-closing gate. In my own case, after my son stood on a chair and opened the pool gate to get the ball in the pool, the baby walked in behind him, and fell in.  A minute later they were both standing in my kitchen dripping wet, as the 5 year old explained how he had to rescue the baby from the pool.  After that, not only did I lock the gate, I wore the key around my neck.  

E. Door alarms.  The alarm can go on the pool gate AND on  the house doors.  I have collected hundreds of stories of children slipping out of the house , during nap time, in the middle of the night, barefoot in snow storms, and in my two year old son’s case, in a gothic lightening  thunderstorm. He walked 3/4 of a mile to the neighbors, at night, on a country road to mail letters.  He walked through the bear infested woods, next to a rain swollen raging river,and then over a bridge.  I had to explain to a 24 year old social worker why we didn’t know he left the house after he had been put to bed.  Here’s the funny thing:  he was afraid of the dark, and wouldn’t even walk up to bed without a sibling holding his hand - but that time, venturing out in the dead of night was no problem because he was determined to mail his sisters letters that he had spotted on her nightstand.  

My husband is a survival instructor who trains people to avoid and survive the scariest situations.  But when  I follow him around the house, saying:  Listen to this story.  He covers his ears and says - Stop I can’t take it anymore.   Then we both have nightmares.  

The important thing to remember is that every parent needs a SYSTEM of awareness to keep track of the child that DOESN"T rely on just the parent or caregiver keeping an "EYE" on the child.  Attention diverts and fractures, and time distorts - we think we looked away for a moment but those seconds are enough to allow a complete escape.   

(If anyone can recommend a non-fiction book on writing I’d appreciate it.)   

Pedophiles should be punished for their behavior.  Seduciton and sex with a 13 year old is massively "pervie" and illegal as Bridget Jones would say.  The perp was so remorseful that he fled the country and took up with Natasha Kinskey - a 15 year old.  The guy was a predator, and we all know the cure rate for these types of predators is zero.  He obviously continued to be a menace to society by taking up with another underage child that he could exploit. 

He used the drugs to make her more pliable.  The fact that he got her to willingly take them should be held AGAINST him, not mitigate his behavior.

I spent 18 months doing humanitarian work in Guatemala when I was just about your age.  I returned to school to finish my undergraduate degree, and enjoyed dating a variety of fascinating young men.  While I found the man of my dreams during that time, I think the fact that I was open to love, and interested in supporting and caring about other people helped me reconnect with life here in the US.  

During that time I helped mentor a young woman my own age from Puerto Rico trying to navigate her way through endless bureaucratic mazes.  She needed someone to give her rides, help her with her younger brother and just be a solid dependable friend.  Besides, I love a good fight with a government bureacracy because I know how to wear down the arrogant gatekeepers.  While I usually involved myself in bigger projects, in this case, I focused on helping one person in ways that would have been difficult if not impossible for her to do for herself.

When feeling slightly displaced remember that it’s due to your great array of options.  Life becomes more complicated the older one gets, much like a big Gordian Knot.  Try and loosen one strand and several others seize up.  When you’re young you more or less have a half-hitch knot: challenging but workable.

I would definitely include some type of social physical challenge in my daily (or a least twice a week) routine.  Dancing class, fencing class (I have a friend who does this and he loves it), pilates, rowing crew, improv class!!  Improv is always a blast!   Something, fun, social and active. Find people who make you laugh, hard!

Also, put together your travel photos and offer to do a mini lecture for schools, or clubs.  Post it on Craigs List.  You might inspire someone to follow in your footsteps.  

What an inspiring story about working relentlessly to be stable and productive and highly creative.  I read a research report that made the connection between creativity, and depression and extreme sensitivity to the environment.  So the same mechanism that makes people curious, and able to see things that others may not - perceptiveness, may also contribute to being overwhelmed by those same sensory experience.

For example, as a child and teenager, not only would I notice the dead dog on the side of the road, but would feel horrible about it, and imagine the feelings of the owners when they found out, and wondered if the dog had suffered, and on and on.   

I first suffered with depression as a teenager.  I was always so tired, so exhausted, so frustrated with not being able to keep up with my studies - and only as an adult did I discover that I had a bleeding disorder, so the exhaustion was coming from a chronic anemia.   That was easy to fix.  

But soon after my marriage, I had suffered a major depressive episode lasting for almost 2 years over, not only the divorce of my parents (my mother found herself a boyfriend when my father became ill) when I was newly married, but also the trauma of my father’s brain tumor - all at the same time.  My mother moved out all the furniture while he was in the hospital having surgery.  She was moving out the bedroom furniture the day he came home - she did have the decency to leave him the bed.  I was there when he had to sit in the kitchen with his bandaged head, and in his hospital gown, while she moved out her dresser and nightstands. Horrendous. A few weeks after that I had my first of many miscarriages. I was in bad shape for a long time.

 Had I not had my faith to help me, I’m sure I would have been self-injurious. But I didn’t do illegal drugs, or alcohol, but did get some medical attention, and that was a huge help.  So I greatly appreciate people who make it through and are willing to talk about the journey.

Someone wrote that severe depression activates the portion of the brain associated with agony - the same area that is activated upon a major injury like a broken back or broken leg - that level of agony.   Imagine telling someone with a broken back that they just need to adjust their attitude.  The pain is real, and relentless.

I am an Advisor/Weaver.  I love to research the solutions to problems and then help people see that they have an array of choices.  My background is counseling and organizational design so this seems consistent.  

We did have a homeless family living with us for 4 months, when they lost their home to foreclosure.  I tried to be an emotional support while helping her solve logistical problems.  Now we have two "foster dogs" of a family that has just lost their home to foreclosure.  I don’t think I’ll be able to give much helpful advise to the dogs. 

Drinking out of the milk carton.

Brussel sprouts: healthy or evil.

Eating while driving.

Not sharing my taste in baby names.

My cousins to this day, as adults, still claim that they saw their recently departed Grandmother sitting on the chest at the end of their beds.  One woke up before the other, and then they both were awake and saw her together.  They immediately told their mother.

My husbands grandmother tells the story of having either a vivid dream or a half awake experience of seeing her son in the military walking towards her while she lay in her bed.  He sat on the side of her bed next to her and told her that he loved her.    A few days later she received the news that he had been killed in a training accident on the same day as her dream. 

Personally I am very mathematically minded and believe in fractals - a fractal is a series of things that resemble each other in similar structures:  trees, brocolli; rivers and streams, veins and capillaries.  Universe, galaxies, solar systems, atoms, neutrons and protons.  Ferns have fronds, and each frond has leaves, in the shape of the fern, but smaller.

See the fern picture here:

http://classes.yale.edu/fractals/Panorama/Nature/NatFracGallery/Gallery/RealFern.gif 

I think we humans are the smaller scale fractals of a higher being, made in His and Her image  - creating our own creations, in our own images, as Creators ourselves.

I also don’t believe in "death" but rather our consciousness will shift from this life to the next, but we will retain our personalities, and affections for each other.    I also believe in the eventual resurrection for everyone. 

Here’s the link to Glenn Beck’s expose yesterday on Green jobs czar Vann Jones, self-proclaimed communist.  Vann’s own words are shocking:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gOgmwyfKuL8