Bad information tends not to rise to the top - so I’ve learned to write to the company president, with the names of the employees involved.  Once I got a new mattress out of the deal.  

There is one other weapon:  www.thesqueakywheel.com.   It is an online service that creates an entire webpage of your complaint letter, and then the ‘thesqueakywheel’ people tag it so that it appears high up on search engine lists.  Anyone typing in the name of the company will see your complaint link close by.  I’ve had very good response with that tool.

http://www.thesqueakywheel.com/

But if you really want to know frustration try government health care, which I have through NJ FAmily care.  Put away the razor blades, because these people are 1) on the low end of the IQ curve, and 2)are completely removed from a customer service mentality. And there is no recourse - because they are  judge, jury and executioner.  

It’s like Earnestine and Mama Bell in the old phone monopoly days: "We don’t care, we don’t have to.  We’re the phone company."  And I wish this health system upon all who voted for it.  

My cell phone is my stressor.  I feel I have to answer it in case it’s an emergency with one of the children.  The other stressor was the house phone.  I finally just turned off all the ringers, but one, and I answer messages when I’m ready.  

My big tip to alleviate stress, on my own, is chocolate and prayer.   The chocolate produces extra dopamine, and the prayer or deep meditation produces calming alpha brain waves.  

I have a friend who is trained in accu-pressure, and just last week she worked on the pressure points in my hands for about 30 minutes.  I didn’t notice how stressed and strained and sore my hands had become until she started pressing on the different muscle groups - and it hurt!  The intensity of the endorphin rush was phenomenal.  

 A few days later I did more or less the same thing for my husband - and he had the same reaction.

My other big tip that I pinched from Stephen Covey is to learn to be effective with people, and efficient with things.  Trying to be efficient only with people can cause significant stress. 

It’s interesting how closely parallel the arguments are between a woman’s right to choose abortion and the traditional man’s demand for his complete authority over his wife and children.  Around the world men would say:  "It’s fine if you don’t want to beat your wife and children, but don’t take away my choice to do so in my family - especially if that wife and those children are bringing shame to me in the community, and I am legally responsible for them."

I think it’s time we see a live televised abortion, something in the second or third trimester so we can share a greater understanding of what abortion really is.   Pro-choice supporters are great advocates of transparency, so I think they would be highly in favor of this type of public education, and besides, we see every other type of surgical procedure on TV.   Maybe PBS can fund it.  The program would get great ratings I’m sure.  

It would be a win-win-win situation:  A win for the aborting patient, a win for the public, and a win for TV ratings.  I can’t see a down side to this at all.

1.  I would say that a super high priority is to maintain your physical health.  College may have been more unstructured, and filled with indulgences, but with the state of health care looking like there will be longer lines, and more health rationing in the coming years, you’ll save loads of time and money and grief by staying well. (And that includes staying free of STD’s, many of which are only 30-40% preventable with condoms, such as HPV, and dozens of others.)

 2. Guard you reputation:  it’s really your prize asset in business, and in life in general. The corollary to this is to pick your friends and associates very carefully.  Choose them; do NOT let them choose you.  The unscrupulous are often drawn to the radiance and professionalism of a person with integrity. Often they need a well respected person to give them credibility or cover to achieve their nefarious objectives- but it will be at your expense.  Be very discriminating regarding the quality of people in your inner circle.

3.  Read the Economist every month.  

4.  Find a spiritual outlet, and associate with a group that is working for the betterment of individuals.  Always give 10% to charity.

I think we need an updated version of the Good Samaritan:

Once a tiny baby was lying on a table fighting for her life and each shallow breath, having had the audacity to survive her own abortion. 

The abortionist said, "I cannot give comfort care to this baby, because I might get sued." And he washed his blood-covered hands, and walked away. 

Obama, peering in the surgery window, said: "I will not help this baby because I crave the votes of my abortion allies." And he straightened his Armani tie, crossed to the other side of the hallway, and hurried on his way to a fundraiser.

A young nurse said: "I will help this baby." And she wrapped the babe in swaddling clothes and laid her in an incubator, in a utility closet, because there was no room for her in the nursery. And the closet lights shown round about and through the transparent skin of the young babe. And the janitor and the lowly laundry woman came to honor her. 

"Father forgive them, they know not what they do," whispered the nurse. And the young babe gave up the ghost. And the nurse washed the babe, and dressed in her in burial clothes, and placed her in the morgue.  

It occurred to me that the recurrent theme of both Obamas to "give back" and to sacrifice for the community, - code for the state -  is BEST epitomized  in the sacrifice made by a mother to carry a baby for 9 months and then either give the baby up for adoption, or personally raise that baby to be a productive member of society and a well adjusted family member, who is successful, and healthy and stable enough to produce and raise the next generation after her.

I’ve given back 7 separate times - with awesome results: 7 extraordinary human beings who make this world a better place. Other than giving my life for my country, this is the greatest sacrifice that a person can make for the good of the community.

I heard liberal Eleanor Clift say that the new American Dream is a small apartment near public transportation.  The conservative on the program couldn’t stop laughing.  What was Eleanor thinking?  

 These smaller cars, designed by the government overseers, (like car czar Rattner, who has no automotive background and is building his own "green" 15,000sq ft. mansion) are death traps, and projections already exists of how many thousands more will die because of them - the government doesn’t care. 

 The Obama fuel efficiency plan may also contribute to a significant increase in highway deaths as vehicles are required to quickly meet the new CAFE standard and will likely become lighter in weight as a result. According to a study completed in 2001 by the National Research Council (NRC), the last major increase in CAFE standards, mandated by the Energy Policy and Conservation Act of 1975, required about a 50% increase in fuel economy (to 27.5 mpg by model year 1985 from an average of 18 mpg in 1978). The NRC study concluded that the subsequent downsizing and down-weighting of vehicles, "while resulting in significant fuel savings, also resulted in a safety penalty." Specifically, the NRC estimated that in 1993 there were between 1,300 and 2,600 motor vehicle crash deaths that would not have occurred if cars were as heavy as they were in 1976.

http://online.wsj.com/article/SB124294901851445311.html 

 And for those who are critical thinkers - it isn’t too hard to figure out that even though the cars are small they will cost more - and therefore people will buy fewer of them - hanging on to older clunkers - creating EVEN MORE air pollution.  Unintended consequences.

 The Obama plan could slow this progress. An economic phenomenon called "price elasticity of demand" is well established when it comes to automobile purchases. In other words, if you raise the price of new cars, people will buy fewer of them or, at a minimum, put off the purchase for a year or so while they drive the old clunker for a few thousand more miles. And fewer new cars means more pollution, which can cause significant health problems. Yet environmentalists and the press have ignored this issue, so as not to inject a note of complexity or doubt into the chorus of glee that greeted the president’s attack on greenhouse-gas emissions.

http://online.wsj.com/article/SB124294901851445311.html 

Just like other government boondoggles like low flush toilets, and the new poisionous mercury lightbulbs - the government will make a mess of the car business too.  There are definite reasons that the government always fails in business.  

1) It is a monoploy and is like a referee joining one of the teams and changing rules mid-game.  Ask the car dealers who are having their businesses given to their competitors - it’s shocking, and terrifying.

2) Decision politicians makes are political - not economic or with the best interests of the consumer in mind.  

And more bad news…..Democrats are making massive changes to drilling regulations and will be charging oil companies much more for drilling rights….and the consumer will be hurt AGAIN.

 Under a House Democrat-crafted bill described as a “sweeping” reform of federal drilling rules, oil and natural-gas companies would pay more to drill on federal lands and have less time to access the resources. The measure, crafted by House Natural Resources Democratic staff, raises the royalty fees oil and gas companies pay to drill on federal lands for the first time since the 1980s. It also shortens the duration of federal leases to access those federal resources from 10 years to five. 

http://thehill.com/leading-the-news/house-dems-propose-sweeping-changes-to-drilling-program-2009-05-22.html 

The light at the end of the tunnel is a huge increase in energy prices - the very reason that caused the domino effect of this recession.  The Economist said that the recessions started first in other countries and spread here due an increase specifically to energy prices.   

#1  I see a husband who continued to develop his own interests while patiently waiting for his wife to get well.  I suppose he could have gotten impatient and looked elsewhere for the attention, affection and sex he wasn’t getting at home, but instead he was proactive in funneling his desires into legitimate areas.   When one person has been ill for a long period this is not that unusual of a scenario.  Learning how to differentiate and become independent beings, without enmeshment or alienation is really the best solution.  In a young 5 year marriage, both partners are usually pretty primitive, not having developed enough negotiating skills or personal interest repetoire to be self-sustaining.  So one partner becomes overly - demanding while the other pulls away.

What about finding some common ground?  My husband, too is a big outdoorsman, not my cup of tea, activity wise.  Yet he agreed to learn salsa dancing with me.  He enjoys the fact that he gets to hold me, squeeze me, and feel me pressing my gloriousness into his receptive body.  Even if I’ve spent the whole day, doing chores, and breaking up fights between the children, by the end of the evening, I feel amazing - and so does he!!

 I have heard exceptionally good things about the book:  Secrets of Happily Married Women - and it’s companion book Secrets of Happily Married Men, written by psychiatrist and researcher Scott Haltzman.

 http://www.happilymarriedwomen.com/ 

Also, some of the most heartfelt evenings we’ve spent together have been in the service of our fellow Americans returning from the SandBox: the middle east, serving meals with the USO.   

More articles by Dr. Haltzman

http://www.secretsofmarriedmen.com/articles.html

 The average woman uses 7,000 words a day and five tones of speech, he points out. The average man uses 2,000 words and three tones. "Men are talk-impaired, relatively speaking," he says.

Men are also impaired at experiencing emotion. They need help figuring out what to do. Some things are not intuitive. Talking about feelings, for example, increases men’s stress levels.

Sometimes marriage is flawless. But most often it is not. Men who stay married have somehow learned techniques to preserve their relationships. He notes that "most men have learned these techniques on their own and don’t do it in obvious ways."

Haltzman contends that marriage is as much a health issue as a quality of life issue issue. Married men make more money, have more peace of mind, and have more and better sex. Marriage also lowers men’s health risk, while divorce raises the risk of death by 200 percent for men.

So Haltzman is busy researching ways to help understand the relationship patterns of husbands and wives. He has set up an internet community for married men to share their experiences and wisdom about marriage. It’s called www.SecretsofMarriedMen.com. And it’s terrific.

Here are tidbits of his own wisdom:’"

 MORE…..

http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/pto-20040726-000013.html 

We were in Maui, seated at a table at Mama’s Fish House, overlooking the bay, the zephyr breezes caressing our skin.  

http://www.mamasfishhouse.com/ 

I wish I’d kept up on my journal, and taken more video tapes of the kids. I wish I’d been practicing for 1/2 hour on the piano everyday for the last 30 years - I’d be amazing. I wish I’d finished writing my book 6 months ago by spending more time with it and in it. (It’s on child accidents, so it’s a little grim…)

 On the big stuff, I have the opposite of regret - deep admiration for my young, naive self for having made surprisingly wise choices, (mostly as a matter of faith) such as, having 7 children, finishing my degree, (and now my masters), recognizing and marrying my true love,  maintaining my faith as a Christian, staying chaste until marriage (guaranteed no out of wedlock pregnancies, and no STD’s), no drinking, no smoking, no drugs, but substituted lots of dancing, music and theatre.  And the big one: Reconciling with my mother who left my father after she cheated on him while he was recovering from brain tumor surgery. It took me a few years and we aren’t particularly close, but the relationship is easy and light-hearted.

Children learn bullying from adults:

http://scholasticadministrator.typepad.com/thisweekineducation/2009/02/c…

 CHICAGO: Student Abuse At First Lady’s Former School

CBS2 news in Chicago is reporting that there were over 800 cases of students alleging abuse by teachers and other staff in Chicago schools over the past five years — nearly 600 of them confirmed — but just 24 firings (Chicago Public School Students Report Abuse By Teachers). 

Some reports note that this issue was known to EdSec Duncan before his departure from the city.  Elected officials are seeking a full investigation (Aldermen seek answers about school corporal punishment allegations Tribune).

There is no greater bully than a power monopoly.  And there is no greater monopoly than government.  I have been horribly bullied by our local middle school principal.  One teacher, who also despises her, even pulled me aside and said the more people complain to the school board, the sooner we can rid of her.  She screams at the children, just ripps into them in the most horrifying way. Even the teachers are afraid of her. They try to have as little to do with her as possible.  I have been in her office while she was yelling at a parent over the phone.  Several parents told me that they refuse to speak with her but instead deal directly with her boss.

 We also have had run in’s with the high school district superintendent.  Our son had a medical condition, that required medication that caused fatigue.  When daylight savings time meant he had to get up an hour earlier, he was late to school for a week - which meant he had to do several hours of detention because he was late. I got a note from the doctor explaining the effect of the medication…didn’t matter.  They threatened to hold up his graduation until he did the detention for being late.  The superintendent told me:  "Our district General Practitioner doesn’t think this condition should have made him late."  I said, "Well our SPECIALIST wrote you a letter saying that it DOES."  I had to threaten to sue, and our SPECIALIST, during his retirement party - had to make a personal call to the district doctor -and told him off.  These are government thugs.

Now that I am on the State Health care, I have been bullied by horrible bureaucrats who refuse to simply do their jobs. They are rude, they are careless, they are inept.  And when pressed to perform in even a minimal way, or questioned too closely, they turn into union bullies.  I heard a member of the British Parliment interviewed saying that their big mistake was universal state health care.  He said, "The public health workers adopt a position of fending off the public.  They act bothered, irritated, and resentful of even the most basic requests."

 There are few things I hate more than government bullies. 

The thing about serial adulterers is that they make hundreds if not thousands of decisions to be unfaithful.  Every thought that moves them towards furthering the affair is just another decision that lacks empathy.  A forensic psychologist once said that serial adultery is just one step away from sociopathy due to the nearly complete lack of empathy for the wife and children.

 I knew John was a cheater because he was acquisitive.  Very few men who are so grandiose in their lifestyles are able to deny themselves the overindulgence of adultery.

Elizabeth does a disservice to her daughters by not punishing him with a separation.  But they live in a 26,000sq ft house, so maybe they really aren’t all that together.