Please, Marcie… don’t blame yourself. Addiction is an illness, not a moral weakness. Not sure that I buy the "enabling" label, though. Perhaps we all give as much as we can for as long as we can………and only you can decide when you’ve had enough, when you’re worn out and can’t give anymore. Helping your loved one to the point of abetting the habit is enabling, but being there to give support and provide help (like helping the addict get to therapy or AA or Smart Recovery) is fine if you can do it. But sometimes you have to stop in order to save yourself.  

I have a friend whose 16 year old son just died. She does not believe in heaven. She can’t take the pain. How she envies the other mothers at the Compassionate Friends Group meetings who. she says, all got "signs" from their dead children. They can at least get some comfort. My friend went to church seeking to believe, seeking some comfort…. and the priest said he had talked to her son. She asked why she had not gotten any message from her son and he told her that she was not worshipping in the proper manner. Her son is still dead, she believes in nothing, and is now seething with rage at the priest.

No doubt you can die from a broken heart. How many times have we heard about one spouse dying almost immediately after the death of the other? Somehow, I do believe that women carry their broken hearts around longer than men. Men get into another relationship so soon after the loss of one, whereas I know so many women that never, ever heal…. can’t even think of another man after the loss of "the one". Unfair!

Love this stuff, Sheila Nevins…. makes you think. I do have one friend who I can’t stand to spend any time with and just can’t abandon her. She does a subtle competitive thing every time we’re together. And she does it so nicely and sweetly.

My biggest regret is that when the love of my life left me for another woman, I vowed to make his life miserable. I called and hung up and did other crazy revenge stuff. I ran into him 20 years later. He had left the other woman after a few weeks, wanted to come back to me, but was afraid to contact me because of my venom. He was unhappily married…but felt obligated to this woman that he didn’t love and resigned to his sexless marriage. Her hearts were pounding but it was too late.

I have been putting it off for years….although I have an old one somewhere that gives my ex husband (who I divorced 30 years ago) everything I have. Every weekend, I say I have to get this task that I don’t want to think about done. And then I promptly forget about it.  The furthest I’ve gotten is to get the name of an attorney. I think I know where the paper is with the attorney’s name…but then I forget to look for it. I’m terrible at planning ahead. Even planning a vacation makes me nervous. Planning for my death is too scarey to think of for more than a few seconds. But…thank you Sheila. I WILL do it next weekend because now I am looking forward to that trip to Coldstone. I want chocolate chips on mine. And I can plan ahead for that without the least bit of anxiety.

But what about the hope that the next number will be better.? It may be the only way to look at it and not be sad.. 2008 was not that great after all, except for Obama. Come to think of it, I guess I never much liked New Year’s Eve starting at about age 40… but have been in denial about it till I read your post, Sheila. Thanks a lot..I’ll drink a toast to you at midnight.while you sleep.

Most of these comments don’t even make reference to Sheila’s lovely poem. Poor Obama does have a heavy burden of making all our dreams come true. How can he not fail to disappoint? Having the fate of the whole world, which happens to be falling apart, rest upon his shoulders. Poor, sweet , dear man. My heart goes out to him.

wowowow!!! Wouldn’t it be nice to go back to the time when people actually wrote letters and talked to each other? I had the pleasure of being in the company of two 11 year old girls the other day. They were sitting in my office, sitting 2 feet from each other but they were looking downwards, texting on their cell phones. They were texting each other. When I asked them why they didn’t just talk to each other, one replied “nobody ever does that anymore”. Welcome to this new world, huh?

The image of a winkin’ Lincoln will now be with me forever. When Obama wins, he will surely get up and dance!

This poem perfectly expresses my relationship to technology. Had to get a new phone and now I can’t even see the time. The simpler, the better. This stuff is not for us old folks. Sheila, you are so hysterically funny. My techie husband read it and said he was “lmao” and “rotfl”….2 terms that anyone with an iphone would know (never i).

Are you women (who made these comments) afraid of looking at the real world? Real life is not always so pretty….but it sure is fascinating!

How interesting….equating narcissism with hypochondriasis! Guess I have a mild case of both. How I wish I could so easily will it away with a prayer or revelation. Great poem, as usual, Sheila. This will stay with me, just like the last one did.

Thanks Sheila! This really moved me. She trusts him to take off the gloves at the end, she doesn’t have to hide anymore. This spoke to me more about the hiding and deception than the fear. She was so alone and lonely and unable to touch and be known. Adam and Eve watching the world end together… such an incredible concept. Holding hands peacefully. Able to face the worst with no anxiety, no longer trapped in her deception and isolation. Re-born at the very end (“this world”…another one coming?). I really did love this!

Thank you, Sheila. What a beautiful, moving tribute. Such a therapeutic, creative exercise….very helpful in grief work. All those questions….made me think of Sept. 11th. How did the victims feel, what were they thinking in the last moments? Perhaps I’ll write them a letter. Celia lives within you, Sheila. That is the only way that any of this makes sense.