AnnieT

My Comments (28 so far…)

Dear Margo: When the Lightbulb Goes On!

21 years of marriage, and the abuse began after they married, or after they had to have children? Who chooses to have children, plural, with a man who’s abusive? Take some responsibility! It is so infuriating to hear about women who get married, MUST have children with men who changed for the worse, then the man gets kicked out of his home for being the bad guy. So often, these "changes" occur after a couple CHOOSES to have children. How coincidental huh?! I’ll bet money she even considered having yet another child with this man after her 2nd was born—-with this man who "became" verbally abusive after they were married. Women please, think about the man you think you want to have children with. Everyone is NOT parent material, and if someone just stumbles into parenthood when he or she doesn’t really want it, it’s not surprising that a person becomes resentful, angry, distant, you name it. And those children you had to have? They pay the biggest price every single time.

Dear Margo: Putting the Lid on Favoritism

Regarding children—"How can anyone be sure that they will always feel the way they currently do?"

My husband & I were absolutely certain, but he had a vasectomy after we were married. If he had made the choice for himself prior to marrying me, it would have been because he never wanted children anyway, and it would’ve been my choice to accept him as is, or not.

A couple isn’t entitled to have kids when only one of you truly wants one. If your boyfriend, with whom you’ve only been living with a year, doesn’t want kids & wants to get a vasectomy, it’s a package deal that you can either accept, or move on from. You’re not engaged, and you’re not married. What he chooses to do with his body is his choice. If you think you may want kids in the future, and he knows that he does not, it’s not your job to change his mind. Because a child deserves to be born to both parents, wanted.

Dear Margo: Get a Grip and Get Out

L#1: The woman is messed up, on meds, and has chosen to stay in an abusive and unhealthy relationship for too long.

The LAST thing she needs is a DOG, and the last thing an innocent, trustworthy, loving creature needs is HER.

She needs to get right with herself. To even casually suggest that she gets a dog is irresponsible, and cruel to any prospective pet of hers. A dog needs love, attention, and livelong care. This woman can’t even provide HERSELF with such basic necessities. You were way off on this one Margo.

Dear Margo: Here Comes the Bride ... and Yammering Little Kids

Teasing is also a subtle form of abuse, like tickling. It’s all in the context, and considering the source isn’t a factor in my opinion. Those who abuse with teasing and tell you you’re oversensitive, are putting the blame on your reaction, rather than their behavior. If someone knows their teasing doesn’t make you feel good, yet they continue to do it, that speaks volumes about their respect for you. It’s not your boyfriend’s responsibililty to make you grow a thicker skin. But it is his responsibility to stop being a bully. If you grow a thicker skin, will the level of "teasing" worse? Never forget that "love" has been the reason for many insensitive and cruel actions against others. So telling yourself that it hurts, but he loves me, sounds dangerous to me. You wrote because it doesn’t feel good or right, but just keep telling yourself that he loves you because this is the deepest relationship you’ve been in?

When someone truly and deeply loves you, he doesn’t want to ever continue to do anything that makes you feel bad or make you hurt. He sure as hell doesn’t make you question whether or not you need therapy as a result of HIS behavior. People in love typically do their best to avoid making each other feel that way. If one person has a thinner skin than the other, an effort is made to stop creating hurt feelings. Love doesn’t mean that he tries to prepare you for verbal war so you can take it better.

Dear Margo: Another Reason God Made Google

L#2 is using the new look-alike as an excuse to attempt to resolve her feelings of rage and betrayal for her liar husband. I don’t possess such memory loss that I could ever forgive a cheater, or forget enough to ever trust him again. So the fact that she believed that her husband only had an emotional affair, and she stuck around, baffles me. Adults don’t betray the trust of their spouses, risking the relationship, to just hang out. The woman was not a friend to her either. How does she know the relationship ended anyway? Plenty of spouses have been told it’s over, when the 2 lying, cheating skanks knew different. If she didn’t have the courage to leave before, maybe she’ll get tired of feeling the way she does eventually and be done with him. There are men who don’t lie, don’t cheat, and will love you and cherish you passionately. When a woman doesn’t realize that she deserves this, she’ll continue to stay with a man who lies, cheats, doesn’t love or cherish you passionately, and he’ll stick around for as long as it works for him. It’s always a choice, and life is too precious to make choices that make you hurt.

Dear Margo: Another Reason God Made Google

Margo applauds her for not wanting to "tip off" the wife? Surely you must be aware of how many women would appreciate knowing exactly to whom they’re married, if they don’t already know. Believe it or not, just because you suspect something, doesn’t mean you haven’t convinced yourself you’re paranoid and talked (or he has talked) your way out of believing it. An anonymous note specifying times, dates, places, etc. that her husband has been with another woman would be appreciated by any smart and thoughtful wife. STDs are serious and some kill. Cheating is emotional abuse, and shouldn’t be taken lightly either. If "Megan" doesn’t have the guts to let his wife know that her husband is screwing over his entire family, then her helpful relatives should send an anonymous note.

Dear Margo: Workplace Aggravation

The 16 yr old is indifferent to her weight problem because she’s on psychiatric meds that she may or may not need which increase her hunger. She may be overeating for other reasons, and she may be physically inactive for other reasons. So she should take her daughter back to the shrink, or find another shrink who may determine that her daughter doesn’t need to be on meds, so much as require a lifestyle change and talk therapy without drugs.

Dear Margo: Workplace Aggravation

If her job is protected, why on earth doesn’t she have some respect for herself and defend herself against this treatment?!?! These micromanagers are taking their issues out on her, and if she doesn’t have a supervisor to go to to report this abuse, she needs to sack up and speak up for herself. People choose to be victims or martyrs and allow their health and relationships to suffer. She has a choice and she’s choosing to pay for prescription meds to deal with the symptoms of the abuse! It’s crazy!

Dear Margo: Stuck in the Past, to Say the Least

Ask for her hand?! Is this for real? Was the daughter expected to pay a visit to his parents to declare her intentions? Of course not, she’s the one to be "given away" at the altar. When independent adults make a life decision together, they don’t ask mommy and daddy for permission. Outdated is an understatement. The young woman can either make her own decisions or she needs her parents’ approval, and I don’t blame the young man for getting a strange feeling about it. If I were him, I’d be reluctant to enter into a union with her parents as a package deal. I’ll bet the planning of the precious daughter’s wedding will be the stuff of a hideous reality show starring the parents who are footing the bill and expect to be consulted. What other decisions will he be expected to consult them on after they marry? And he’s a PhD student, dating since 19 and engaged at 23? If he were smarter, he would’ve started running sooner from this.

Dear Margo: Take Her Mother-In-Law. Please.

Asperger’s Syndrome shouldn’t be spread around as a possible reason for someone’s lack of social skills. It is a developmental disorder, not to be confused with someone who is just clueless. If people are calling her crazy, while she thinks she’s beautiful, smart and funny, yet has no friends, there’s a reason. She’s in her own head with either a reluctance or refusal to empathize and read social cues. Here’s a clue—-you’re not marching to your own drummer when the rest of the band is on the other side of town. That’s just social ineptness. Trying to be a good listener is a good start. She could also benefit from joining some personal interest groups like a book club or similar, so that she can practice the basics of socialization and learn that it’s not all about her. The fact that this woman is studying to be a nurse says alot. It takes a certain person. Most very good nurses I’ve known had professional separation to the point of being emotionally cold, and had control issues. They want to please while also wanting to control, they want to care and maintain order, and they don’t get too involved emotionally. Transfer those characteristics to personal life and it doesn’t add up easily.

Why Tiger's Paramours Give 'Mistress' a Bad Rap (Audio)

When another woman is getting the best aspects of your man, that’s a mistress. A mistress is not a waitress he casually has sex with when he’s in town. That’s nothing more than a tryst, a skanky liaison. A mistress is a 2nd wife in name only-without all of the wifely responsibilities, expectations and functionality. She’s there for him discreetly without the emotional baggage or demands, but there’s no legal contract, so it’s not taken for granted. He buys her pretty things. She gets an ego boost because she’s the one he’s chosen to risk his marriage for. He gets an ego boost because she only wants him for sex and good times for as long as it’s beneficial. A true mistress does not expect, nor want, to marry him. She knows he’s a cheater, she’s smarter than that. She’s invested in his sex life and her own, they both enjoy each other’s good side. There’s even a friendship there, because there’s camaraderie when you’re partners in sexual secrecy.

What a man shares with his mistress is exactly what he should be sharing instead with his wife. There’d be many more happy and fun marriages if men and women treated each other like that more often (i.e good sex, spontaneous gifts, romantic dinners, unencumbered passion, absence of domestic minutiae). A man doesn’t need a mistress when he still feels he has to chase you a little. It’s anthropological, he is a hunter, and for some men, if he’s not excited by the rush of getting you, a more egotistical man will probably consider new hunting ground. Whether that’s the time and money and energy investment of a mistress, or merely the financial investment of a temporary whore. As for a man like Tiger, it could’ve been about life catching up with him. He did everything he was supposed to, he married and had children for the status quo, he has an enormous ego, he never achieved a deep in love connection with his wife, and he has resources he feels entitled to use to his benefit.

The women that Tiger had trysts with? Merely convenient diversions via bodily pleasure. One word for them? Delusional.

Dear Margo: 'Lady, Your Husband Is Cheating on Us'

Reminds me of a Buddy Guy song, I got a problem with my woman, got a problem with my wife, now my girlfriend wants to tell my wife about my woman and me…

How could the girlfriend not know he was capable of adding another partner to his sexual repertoire? Because she thought she was so special that he would only cheat on his wife with her? Please, lose the ego boost, because you might need a penicillin boost after this is done. And do women still believe the ol’ ‘I don’t have sex with my wife’ bit? Kind of repulsive how much is being transmitted by these 4 people alone. And the fact that all of these people could be having sex with others too. I hope all involved parties, including the wife who must be desperately out of touch if she doesn’t know, are being tested for STDs. HPV, a leading cause of cervical cancer, in particular. For this reason alone, an anonymous letter should be sent to the wife. Her husband’s behavior could affect her health in more than one way.

Dear Margo: When You Think You've Heard Everything ... You Haven't

Women consider the wedding party hierarchy a clear and obvious ranking of importance. On the men’s side, well men don’t typically have that many close friends, maybe a few, so it’s easy. It’s different with women. The fact that her husband is already in the wedding party means that there’s one person left to attend to the kids. Take mom out and put her in the party, then put the little kids in the party, and what a mess. 7+years is a good age for kids to be involved, any younger and you risk little kid unpredictability anyway. This woman doesn’t sound like she wants to be in the party because of her love of the couple, so much as how it will look that she was excluded. Plus her husband will be involved in the whole production, and she’ll be alone with her kids trying to keep their clothes clean. I can see why she’s not happy.

Andrew Ross Sorkin – Blame and Rewarding Failure: The Lesley Stahl Interview (Audio/Transcript)

Who shall I thank? I stopped thinking about the economy when I saw this pretty picture. And his astuteness is such a turn on. When I saw him on Charlie Rose with his full lips and dreamy yet focused eyes, my cognitive reasoning stagnated. And women who aren’t normally interested in economic issues or debate, perhaps Sorkin could stimulate an interest—of sorts.