I think you’re absolutely right. Why is she even answering the phone when they call? Why is she arranging visits when she knows he doesn’t want them there? My husband has the same relationship with his parents and I stay out of it. It’s his decision and they’re his parents so I support whatever he wants to do (of course, I also know the reasons so it makes it easier). I don’t understand why the letter writer doesn’t do the same for her husband. Not everyone had a loving family.

Kudos to you for having the strength to get away from this guy. My friend in high school’s step-dad was just like your ex. The only thing he cared about was controlling her. Unfortunately, her mom didn’t have a spine like you did and let him do what he wanted. Her home life in high school was pretty miserable. With men like your ex, when they insist on their own way about something as trivial as wearing jeans vs. shorts, it’s not at all about creating a family unit or being involved; it’s about having complete control. I’m glad you finally found a good guy!

Letter #1: I’d be pretty darn insulted if my husband left me a picture of something he wanted me to do like I was a child. If you can’t even communicate with your spouse normally you’ve got bigger problems than who’s washing the dishes.

Letter #2: Really? You’ve been with her five years and this is something you’re only thinking about NOW? You had to have known how she was with her son. You should have sat down and had a conversation about boundaries, discipline, etc. before you moved in together (and certainly before you had a child with her). It’s too late now and she obviously has no intention of changing so you’re stuck with either living with it or moving on.

I suppose it is admirable he is being honest NOW but it would have been better if he had been honest THEN. She was asking him to fulfill the promise he made to her. It was asking a lot, but he should have said so at the time instead of hoping she’d just change her mind. Plus if she was looking for a man as a means to have children she would not have waited 5 years.  Her plan was to be happy and married for a while and then have kids and since her dream is gone of course she doesn’t know what to do. 

I don’t think it’s childish of him not to want children. It IS childish of him to not be honest at the beginning and to never tell her he was having second thoughts about the whole thing.

I never even read critics’ reviews anymore. They are so concerned with everything about a movie except whether or not it’s something a regular person would like to see. The critics are just raving right now about the movie "The Killer Inside Me" which sounds absolutely unwatchable. They’re just making themselves more and more irrelevant; soon they won’t even have jobs because no one will care what they have to say.

What a wonderful bit about Kim Novak! I loved her ever since I saw her in Vertigo (big fan of Hitchcock films since I was little). I’m so glad she got a "happy ending" unlike many Hollywood stars.

I don’t understand why everyone is always so down on Lady Gaga. I thought it was amazing that she helped write every song on her first album and they are all GOOD. Most singers can’t pull that off. I rarely buy new CDs because almost always they will have one or two good songs and the rest are awful. Personally, I’m looking forward to her next album.

Ha ha, loved that picture Liz! I’ve never seen anyone so happy sitting in a garbage can :)

"Honey, solve your own problems"

Wow, I am so glad I have a wonderful Mom who is not as cold as you. I was diagnosed with Type I diabetes a year ago at age 29 and I don’t know what I would have done without her. She was there for me and helped me through what was a truly awful period in my life. And, yes, between being diagnosed and having to get all the supplies I had to pay so much money that she did help me financially through that initial stage. But you know what else? I have also had a full time job for 10 years and own my own home. And that is because she raised me to be a mature, responsible person who is able to take care of herself (as are my brother and sister). So if your kids won’t grow up it’s not because you have a relationship with them as adults; it’s because you didn’t raise them very well as children.

Great stuff in this column, Liz! Elaine Stritch is absolutely wonderful! I always enjoy watching her. I hated the movie Monster-In-Law (probably because my MIL really is a witch) but I loved every scene she was in.

And I’m so excited Cher’s acting in another movie. She is so great. Moonstruck and The Witches of Eastwick are two of my favorite movies!

I agree with you Beth and Bethany. However, I think she would have been much better off just saying sorry and accepting responsibility rather than trying to blame it on some mystery friend. That made me a bit less sympathetic towards her.

My God, there is a whole lot of bitterness and venom from you about something you weren’t even a part of. Unless you’re actually one of Richard’s ex-wives. If not then the hatred you have towards her seems a bit excessive and unhealthy.

I’m sorry, but those types of marriages are of your own making. If you don’t expect him to do anything, why would he? And if he screws up on purpose so he won’t have to do it again then that’s a pretty big loser of a husband. But why let him get away with it? Just show him over and over how to do it until he gets the hint that he actually has to contribute something. Marriage should be a partnership but that’s not what you’re going to get if you’re not willing to make that clear.

I am also very surprised at how many people are projecting issues onto this man that are nowhere in his letter. My dad is retired and likes to watch golf in the middle of the day. So what? He also does other things around the house and yard. And, yes, it took some adjusting on his and my mom’s part, but that’s the point - they took the time and effort to adjust. From the letter it sounds like the wife is just unwilling to give on anything. And I think his reference to "my house" is more out of frustration because she’s treating it like it’s HER house. I hope counseling helps because they should both be able to enjoy their retirement.

Thanks for the article, Liz. I don’t normally read these types of books but thanks to your description I think I’ll pick up a copy. I always thought they belonged together but were too similar/volatile to make it work for long. But how sad she wasn’t allowed to attend his funeral. It will be interesting to read more about their romance.