Babette, that sounds awful for you. And unfortunately, awfully familiar to me. The temper, the sarcasm… he was verbally cruel to my mother and me, and verbally and financially overgenerous toward my sister. I do remember a handful of good moments, but not good advice. Lots of advice, but not helpful. Become a secretary or a teacher in case you can’t get a man.

Yes… none is a wonderful number for all the fuss and feathers associated with going to a wedding. My friends Dave and Greg are getting married in CA later this month, and they issued a “stop by” invitation to their friends all over the country, but… airfare, hotel, taxis, wearing decent clothes… If they were much closer friends of mine, maybe.

Chef Zee, McCain’s cheek is puffy from where a skin cancer was removed. I love watching the Obamas together too, and watching either of them. Can’t hurt to have some beautiful people in the White House again.

Sheila, good job. I hope the topic was your choice, rather than a compromise to limit controversy. It certainly does elicit emotion, like French’s contempt for obese people. Ann Marie will be more comfortable with her bigger pants and blouses, and she’ll do her heart a favor by keeping her weight stable, rather than making her heart readjust to all the changes. She may be emotionally healthier depending on food for contentment than the people who depend on others’ opinions. Or she could get a pet, as Phyllis suggested, or grow plants, or do anything she loves. You (Sheila) deliberately don’t tell us how big Ann Marie actually is, or why she hates her size. Maybe she wants to be size 0 instead of size 4. That’s her right, but I hope she outgrows it.

You know what might help keep the atmosphere more civil here? A mechanical way for each poster to ignore specific posters. I’ve seen the feature called “block” on forums, and “twit filter” on BBSs. Usually it allows for a temporary unblock. That way if someone always gets her back up over someone else’s posts, and doesn’t have the discipline to skip the offending post, or remain silent or courteous, she can have the situation handled by the software without irritating the rest of us. Save our blood pressure.

I’m glad you told us this, Lorraine, but I’m sorry to see that you were censored on Mugsy’s blog for disagreeing with her. I’ve lost count of the times Mugsy has hijacked a topic here by referring people to her blog to read comments that they then come back here to flatter her for. Mugsy, maybe you could limit your self-referrals? And maybe you could ask people to discuss your blog postings on your blog itself?

I find the site redesign an improvement, and the webmaster is responsive and quick. (As I imagine a woman webmaster would have been also.) The power vaccuum situation remains, though. No one in charge takes charge, for unexplained reasons of their own. Someone has to be the grownup, though, step up and tell us what we can and can’t get away with. The founders don’t, and the contributors don’t, so we have here an illustration of Roseanne Barr’s “Power isn’t something someone gives you. You just take it.” Who takes it here? The posters who need to wield power and to collect attention, who don’t otherwise feel sufficient. And who gives it to them? Posters eager to give away their voice to anyone who has the guts to use it. Then there are the rest of us, not needing to take or give power or adulation. The lectures and soliloquies and skirmishes are boring or annoying to us, and sometimes they’re enough to raise blood pressure and/or drive people away. The people who are taking the money should be making the rules. This Lord Of the Flies atmosphere doesn’t speak well of you.

Yes, the site scrolls and loads much slower today for me too, Christina. I guess it’s all the graphics and animations - the ads - and also people working behind the screens to make changes.

Thank you for the changes to the website. Some of them were a long time coming and very welcome. I need to explore before I can offer many specific comments, but this looks good: functional. Some of the busier sites I visit have a feature that I’d find useful here - they send an email when someone responds to a post of mine. I know I could find out on my own by scrolling all the way through for the next week or so, but who am I kidding? I agree that alphabetizing the topics would be helpful. Ideally, topic areas will minimize thread-hijacking, or in tribute to a great comment, get rid of some of the hot air.

The best job I’ve ever had? A few. I enjoyed being an adult probation officer, a waitress, a librarian in a public library…. I changed jobs a lot. I liked owning and operating my small independent bookstore for several years, and my small private practice in mental health counseling. I’ve always loved writing, editing and translating, and teaching and learning about natural medicine and nutrition. Those have been mostly on-and-off contract work. Now I enjoy my freedom.

I stopped smoking in the nineties, shortly before my mother died. When she was sick and dying, though, I was already a nonsmoker, so starting again wasn’t relevant. I didn’t use quitting aids. Smoked my last cigarette and washed all the ashtrays. Quitting was fine, but since then I’ve gained an awful lot of weight. I think THAT’s because my mother died.

We can’t control, or probably even influence, how the site is run, and what they incite us to post about. We can stay or go, read or write, be respectful or rude. I’m tired of the ad hominem stuff and cliquishness, but not quite ready to give up. I’d love to see Obama offer Janet Napolitano the VP slot.

If McCain were smart (okay, I guess he is), and wanted a Democratic woman as running-mate, he’d ask Janet Napolitano. She’s Governor of Arizona, so he’s already familiar with her work, and she’s 50, so maybe she could refresh his image a bit. She’s the one who defended Anita Hill, by the way.

Taylor, I’m glad you spoke up. I like the way you think, and I like the way you write, and I even agree with a lot of what you have to say here. You’re a breath of cool fresh air here.

Well, to give the site the benefit of lots of doubt, let’s assume that questions are asked for the purpose of “making” us think. Not only Sheila’s gutsy hypotheticals, of course. But that good intention doesn’t always produce a good effect. Just as often, it “makes” us feel. That’s good for whoever’s making money off us, and they certainly have the right to do that, because here we are. The problem is that we can’t tolerate each others’ feelings, and we end up so pissed off that we become inarticulate and unreasonable. That may be good for generating income too, but it’s bad for discussion, and ultimately for participation.