My comment disappeared before I was finished. So as I was saying, first she needs a name - we can call her Meg. As long as the writer isn’t willing to commit to her name, we get Jonathan calling her “pretty lady Bart’s wife” and her using a man to get back at a man. Well, that’s where she is now, so let’s make sure she gets what she wants and/or needs. If she had more self-confidence, she’d know that she’s as in control of this as she wants to be. Jonathan’s willing to stand back (“Bart’s wife”) or move forward (“pretty lady”). Maybe all she’ll need is the ego boost. Maybe she’ll want sex, or an emotional or intellectual love affair. ‘Bout time she went out after it, whatever it is. With Bart, she has fear and dependency and duty. She can keep all that if it has value for her - no rule says she has to leave Bart - and simply add whatever additional value she (and maybe Jonathan) decide.

Have I ever participated in a protest? Yes. You asked about Columbia in ‘68 - I was in Paris then, during the strike there, translating in support of the strikers and their families. I was at Columbia during the later protest there, and represented my college in negotiations with the administration. (I have a photo of me talking to some Dean, I don’t remember - people sure worse strange stuff then.) I’ve participated in marches and rallies against the conflict in Vietnam, for ERA, women’s right to choose, gay rights, Gay Pride, Earth Day, the usual progressive assortment…. I don’t get to do the physical parts any more, so I write letters and bug my friends. Trouble is, when we were doing this stuff 40 years ago, it mattered. Now, when there were 15 million people gathering in protest around the world, Bush said he didn’t care what “they” wanted. In DC in ‘71 (I think) a group of young nuns made it clear that they weren’t actually IN the march with us, but every few paces one of them would come over to the marchers and offer one of us an orange. I cried when I was offered one. There are so many ways of participating.

What’s the most wasteful thing I do? Well, not much, really, but that’s a combination of social conscience and cheapness. I figure out what’s going to save me money in the long run, even if it costs more upfront, and do that. Water filter instead of bottled water, for example. Oh, another factor is my health. There are some things I don’t do now because of that, like drive. I use a lot of paper, though. Books, printouts. I love paper, it’s one of a few things I grew up with that stays comforting.

Mugsy? The condom? Why’s he carrying the condom?

How many people have I slept with? None of the women in charge of this board has responded with a number. I’ve seen several questions dealing with sex, and many responses that treat sex as a separate category from the rest of life. Giggles and moralizing, zero-sum relationships and absolutes. I assume that sleep with is your euphemism for have sex with, and have sex with is defined by each respondent. So - about XX, I’m not sure, mostly men, X women. Why do you ask?

I wish CBS had chosen someone other than Dan Rather as its scapegoat. He went to where the action was, he didn’t report gossip, and he wore his philosophy on his sleeve.

This is another argument against the Mexican-border fence. The more successful a radio wave cure or treatment for cancer turns out to be, the less likely we are to see it in practice. Follow the money. Chemo administered in private practice is easy and lucrative. So in order to have access to something that works, and without side effects, it used to be there’d be clinics set up just across the border in Mexico. With the fence, it’ll be just that much harder to make our own decisions about cancer treatment. I don’t know much about the science of this… fingers crossed for it.

What, or whom, do I take for granted? I used to take so much for granted! That I’d be healthy, that I’d be safe, that I’d be loved, that I could trust my abilities, that I’d be eager. Now, because of circumstances and my health, nothing is guaranteed that comes from outside me, and a lot less that comes from inside. Meanwhile, though, I’ve become increasingly peaceful. It’s okay that I’ll die younger than I thought, and it’s okay to love people who absentmindedly tolerate me. Hmm, maybe what it’s taken me all this time to take for granted is that no matter what, I’ll choose to love.

Oh Mugsy yes. I was usually alone for a different reason, but the effect was the same. (I had a recurring cancer in my thigh bone, spent some childhood years in hip casts.) I learned to read when I was 3, and once I started, I never stopped. I’m still unsociable in the flesh (but a chatterbox online) because reading was more interesting than other kids who could do things I couldn’t. I know what you mean about boredom being a failure of character. There’s so much to do. Okay, kids today have too many options and too short attention spans… whole other subject.

Stress relievers for me… writing anything; just the process feels good. Accomplishing anything, no matter how minor, like washing the dishes. Sunshine. Orgasms. Chocolate. Being around animals. Getting email from my favorite people. Being alone goes without saying for me.

I must have been out of the loop when most people started equating beauty with youth, so I can’t imagine doing anything to look younger. All my life, I’ve done things to be far too thin, and now I’m far too fat. When my mother died, I gained a whole bunch of weight. That’ll show her, huh?

Bella Mia, I’m so sorry for what you went through. For my mother, her daughters had to be bone-thin. We’ve spent our lives alternating between too thin for health and too fat for health. I love your mothering moment. Your daughter will be proud of her unique self, thanks to you. Bravas to both of you!

Is adultery bred into the male animal? Calling it adultery is an interpretation and a judgment of an impulse that I think IS bred into males. For their species to survive, males of all species have historically had to do an effective job of sowing seed wide and planting it deep. Call that what you will. Marriage was defined to limit reproductive sex to one’s partner, and interpreted to limit all sex to one’s partner. That doesn’t change biology, it just makes for some convoluted moral stances.

Sure. I’m 62 and not grey yet either. Also not wrinkly, because I’m fat. By now I’d rather look my age - to get credit for my experiences.

“Men should be paid more because they have families to support.”