I’ll turn 50 next week, and do not color my hair. Grey is starting to show up around my hairline and sprinkling lightly over my head, and what I’m realizing is that when you go grey the pigment in your hair fades.  My hair has always been a bright (thanks, Granddaddy, for the red tints!) medium brown that lightens almost to blond in summer; now I see it fading to a mousier, saltier mix.  The idea of bright grey or white appeals (my father had beautiful white hair at the end of his life), but this unbrightening of my hair is disconcerting.  

So what I do, when I have time and remember to do it, is give myself a neutral henna treatment.  Neutral henna has no color, but it coats the hair shaft and gives it a bit more body and lot more shine.  Once I tried a light brown henna, which gave a result fairly close to my own color — it covered the bits of grey, certainly, but I’d have to keep doing it to (and I’m not inclined to spend even 2 hours every few weeks with henna trickling under the plastic on my head and down my neck) maintain that coverage.  I still like the neutral best.  

My mother’s hair (she turns 86 next week), after years of being naturally light brown, is now about 50% grey — but it still shines, and that makes it still beautiful.  So I think I’ll stick with my henna, which acts primarily as a conditioner, and watch the grey develop.  

Also — the woman’s hair on Anne Kreamer’s book cover is stunning, but not only for its color; she has a great cut!  My hair has that kind of body and (often unruly) wave, and I’m going to take a screen shot of this haircut and take it to my salon! 

Thanks, Ruth Charny, for a thoughtful and articulate piece.  And Kostas, I’m completely in agreement with you; however we can make it happen, I want my mother to feel secure and trouble-free.  

This is a complex issue.  My mother lives in a retirement community right now, but may wind up coming to live with me.  She hates aging, and the losses that inevitably come with that, so right now, her independence is paramount to all of us.  But the economy’s effect on the finances of the elderly in her town, and so on her retirement home’s future, may force her to move.  Until then, my family is focused on helping her preserve her independence.  Should she need to move, we’ll just have to adapt, and continue to promote her well-being, whatever form that takes.