It’s too late to be like my mother. I broke too many rules. However, I am doing exactly what she was doing, helping to take care of her grandchildren. Since my daughter left her husband six months ago. I have been helping with the kids, a 10y old girl, 11y old boy. What goes around sure, does, come around. Mom was sedentary for the most part. I workout, and take walks on the beach. She smoked all the way into her seventies which ultimately killed her. I dreamt of her the other night, what a treat it was, her face so beautiful, her skin smooth and soft. I kissed her cheeks, and my father was there too. She always helped me, and other family in need, and I find myself pulling off of that memory to tame my temper when I lose patience. Or find myself saying, “what about my life?” I do have her easy going spirit, but my fathers temperament too. I hired a baby sitter to watch the kids for a few weeks or months, and came back home. Sunday we will be celebrating new doors opening, and lots of love for one another. I will not fear change, so universe, bring it on!

Poor Americans do die because they put off going to the doctor because they think it will cost too much with no coverage. If something happened to me and i needed to be hospitalized I would be screwed. They may even put a lean on my house. I actually called someone today about Health Ins. About five years ago I went for twelve years without seeing a doctor because i had no coverage. When I got sick I toughed it out and used home remedies. I worked out harder and quit smoking. I then got a State job with great benefits. I have since had to resign from that job for being assaulted one too many times by the consumers which were violent. (that was the nature of the work) and once again I have no coverage. I am going to have to get coverage again very soon. (One thing I must say, I have never seen so many people taking so many drugs.) This woman came up to the park, she cut her finger opening her dogs food can, she asked if anyone had a Vicoden. I said, “how about an Advil?” All these older men in the park who play cards all day are also passing out the Vicoden. I couldn’t believe it! My eyes were opened one day when I found out the guy with cancer was selling his meds on the beach, older women are selling pot on the side to supplement their income. And you would never know it by looking at them, they look like middle class white haired seniors. We have become a drugged up nation.

Time has made me more resilient however, circumstances, and long winters have not. In other words, it is taking me longer to get out of the winter hibernation/blue mood. As soon as the sun comes out I change.

I have great looking feet, like a twenty year old, why? I never wore heals, or ill fitting shoes for any long period of time, maybe for a wedding or special day. I mostly ware sneakers. New shoes will change my mood but lately I have to sacrifice buying anything. Maybe if I change my shoes, I will change my life? :)

I balance mine. I do need a job though, or there won’t be anything to balance.

How about a question like: What brings you joy? What makes you miserable? What pisses you off? Have you ever been to a psychic, and what did they tell you? Did it come true? Do you believe in GOD/higher power?

With potential employers looking you up and reading your post this question is not too cool.

Boy friends with no job, no life, and no class. STD”S, sex with losers, sexy losers, no brains, can’t say the word women. ;)

I also saw the show, and decided to join to see what you intelligent successful ladies were up to, and to be a part of it. We can only control but so much as far as changing the world. Yesterday my eleven yr. old grandson was spouting about how he hated a girl on the school bus. He was wishing magic was real and has been disappointed ever since he found out that it was just trickery. I realized this was the opportunity to let them know about the real deal by teaching them about the real magic of life, and the laws of the universe, as in, “do unto others as you would have them to do unto you,” “if you can give it, you better be ready to take it,” “if you wish people harm, harm will come to you,” “if you don’t want to be treated badly don’t treat others badly.” Then my ten year old granddaughter said, “I love you grandma,” that was worth more than any thing I know. Later in the evening they drew pictures and came in the room to show me what good artist they are like their grandma. To please her.)

I sleep in my ten year old graddaughters bed which was putting my hips to sleep until I bought two memory foam mattresses, one for my bed at my house, and one for my granddaughter’s bed. I sleep state to state, and also in a different state of mind each time. <—-! break—->It is getting better with the warm weather coming here to NY, and NJ. I actually sleep in a cotton nightgown that says, uh…um, lol, something about “I don’t sleep to dream.” which is also a great Fiona Apple song.)

I always give this advice: Do not marry a man that your mother doesn’t like. If we all knew about (mathching our pain body to another) we may have made a different choice. As I am reading Ekhart Tolle’s “A New Earth” I see this was a deciding factor albeit unconscious factor in my daughter picking her soon to be divorced husband. Now, I am watching kids, picking up the checks, buying food, and unemployed. I am not a happy 55 yr. old grandmother. Actually I am so miserable, and depressed. Everyday is a struggle to get out of bed and in the shower. However, I go on reading and trying to get myself together. I know this will not go on forever but, if only she listened to me and not married this horrible man who I hated for years this would not be.