Yes, this one is important to me, but unlike you, I could not quote it in its entirety.

Thanks. 

These days I am very selective about going to the movies, first, because so many films are either too violent or adolescent for my taste. The other reason is that I am not a multi-tasker, no matter what I do, and peripheral sound disturbs me. I try not to sit near those who continue to chat. However, what puzzles and discomforts me is that in a dark theater, where we have paid a steep price to see a film, and we anticipate a new experience or thought or entertainment, there are members of the audience switching on and off their hand held message bearers, checking their mail, exchanging irrelevancies, and disturbing others.  I used to say that people who use their cell phones as an emotional crutch, not as a necessity, are afraid to be alone.

 But, now I think that for most, the power of concentration is trivialized or non-existent. Too many ordinary people pretending to be geniuses cannot concentrate on a single given task.

It saddens me, particularly, because as a teacher, my spoken intent which I shared with my students was: "You will forget what we read, wrote, discussed, but I do hope you will have learned how to concentrate!"

As for texting while driving, I am livid as I observe a driver making a turn in my crowded city, oblivious to others. I am a survivor of a near-fatal automobile accident 25 years ago. The driver admitted that she was talking to her sister beside her and looking at a map, as I exited from an expressway. Her carelessness put me into traction for 10 weeks in a hospital, and forced me to take a medical leave, and to spend many months recovering and learning how to walk again, but the steps involved total disability, use of a wheel chair, crutches, a walker, then a cane, and fortunately, with the help of wonderful  physical therapists and a fine and caring orthopedist, I resumed walking. I offer these details as reminders of why mindless texting while driving is so dangerous. It is not hypothetical to me; I hope that fines and prohibitions alarm those restless and arrogant drivers., 

Though I have a long and intense memory, especially for the written word, I find it hard to repeat verbatim what I remember, but  one short sentence by E. M. Forster remains imprinted on my mind, tongue, and soul: "Only connect."

 The other, which accompanies me daily on my journey: "The unexamined life is not worth living."

"Snap out of it" is my favorite term of all times, but often I misquote and substitute another verb, because I’ve forgotten the correct one.

I, too, choke a little on "we seniors," but I haven’t found a suitable term. Though I’ve never been nervous or self-conscious about my age, perhaps living in a large metropolis, where I often encounter younger people  alerts me to the perils of being older; however, ageism is rampant in many circumstances, sometimes non-verbal, sometimes downright rude, and often, so blatant that it takes my breath away; for instance, being made invisible in stores, waiting rooms, on buses, trains, you know the drill. And, frankly, younger women are worse than young men. Fending for myself because I have no partner is sometimes daunting, for there is no one to share the effects of insensitive treatment.

Actually, my children are giving me an 80th birthday party next Sunday, and most of the guests I’ve selected are younger and much younger who have remained friends and in contact for years; my generation, on the whole, is either too tired, or does not mix well with new acquaintances and remain insular whenever  they are introduced to "outsiders" beyond their comfort zone. Many of my former colleagues and current friends are close to my children’s ages. Or the most important issue is that I have been a very independent older single for more than 20 years after a long marriage while they are still couples, so socially I am a persona non grata. I call them  "the twosie club." For this party, I selected carefully, removing those who never invite me, but dash to my home whenever I extend invitations (I’m a good cook & like to entertain). Well, good bye to all that, I say. 

In India, with few exceptions, historically, brides lived with their husbands’ families, and were ruled by their mothers-in-law. However, much is changing in India because of a rising middle class, women working, and the younger generation moving to towns and cities without parents. Also, education abroad, and the rise is the number of professional women have altered modern Indian society.

 Also, while it is very difficult for Americans to understand arranged marriages, they, too, are historical in India, as well as in other cultures,because the focus is on family and community, and romantic love is not the basis. The focus is on family and community, not on individual preference. However, it seems absurd to form judgments about marriage when there is a very high rate of divorce in industrialized countries, such as the U.S.

Much of what is written here is hyperbole, rumor, and manipulation of facts, and there are many traditions and recent innovations  in the lives of Indians in India (and India is a vast country with many groups, languages, and practices), and those who live in the U.S get snippets of information from books, magazines, newspapers whenever there is a horror story. Also, family life is private and not shared with others. In this website discussion, anecdotal material, as well as generalizations only enrage and exaggerate. There’s more to know, and the best way to learn  is to live in India.

I so do agree with you.I love many lines in that terrific movie, and try to quote verbatim from it, but my memory is wilting. As for the subject of fear, what is alarming is that the ugly outbursts and damaging opinions are never followed or introduced by an admission that the speaker is fearful. There is no irony in our politics. The fears multiply, the rhetoric increases, and there is an explosive confrontation—which could have remained a civil discourse; we have our differences with others, which is human, but the "other" becomes the "dangerous stranger," truly alarming to me.

 For example, as a much  older woman, I’m often witness and listener to the tirade on the advent of wrinkles, disabilities, loneliness (ageism is prevalent), and other consequences of aging which make us seniors so "dangerous" and awful, so I ask:"What is the alternative?" But, I realize  their cruelties are signs  of young’uns’ fear of death, eh?

I, too, hope the statistics are in our favor. My children were born in the 1950-60s, and I had to fight the hospital staffs to breastfeed my babies. It was a time of formulas and giving a bottle to a newly born infant so mothers could sleep the night and the hospital staff was relieved. However, my mother had breast cancer and surgery at 70,no reconstruction, and passed the 5th year mark. Because both parents had different forms of cancer, and my family history is riddled with cancer, I’ve been checked annually since my mother’s diagnosis, and I am a high risk patient, because I have a lobular carcinoma in situ, which means it could develop into full blown cancer or it may remain stable. I don’t focus on it, am a bit nervous when I have a mammogram, but I’m 80, so degenerative diseases may develop, but so far, so good. I do hope it remains that way.

I’ve lived alone since 1983, and when I retired, I moved to a 1-bedroom apartment in Greenwich Village. I have always enjoyed cooking. I cook dinner almost every night, or make a meal which lasts for several nights. I treat myself well, and don’t use instant foods or pre-cooked meals, which I never did while living with my family. I use fresh foods. However, I do eat lunch at local el cheapo places, because I live in solitude most of the time, and though I may not know the the patrons of the place I"m eating at, I’m among others, and my sandwiches are delicious, because I’m not a fast food fan.

 To those single women who find it uncomfortable or embarrassing to eat alone in a restaurant, I say, "Dress as though you are meeting someone important, treat yourself well, and enjoy doing it." As a former colleague described me during exams week when we met no classes, and sat for hours correcting papers, "You always dress for success, no gym pants!" Indeed. I want to keep my morale high, soaring above sadness and self-pity, so I cook what I enjoy and eat where I enjoy!

Of, course, I do eat dinner out, and I’m lucky in Greenwich Village, because I don’t have to choose a highly rated, overpriced den of false affluence and inferior food. There are many places to suit my  palate and budget. We have cuisines of every nation, and I prefer rice and spice.

Isn’t it interesting that most of the reports here are based on a so-called lack of appropriate punishment of women; are there no cases about men who attack, abuse, or mistreat their wives? 

 I believe nothing of these reports. Where are the women’s voices? There’s more to say, and I’m listening and reading….and waiting.

There’s more to tell, but we probably won’t learn about it. A woman needs great courage and determination to reveal  the true story of how limited women’s rights are. Speaking out is punishable without resort to calling the corrupt police department. 

Is there any woman brave enough to speak out on this website? Eh? 

I agree with much of your reply, but as a senior who, fortunately, does no require many medications, I am still appalled by the cost of drugs in this country. Pharmaceutical companies control prices, and recent events (which haven’t been confirmed) maintain the status quo. In another statement on this website, I described how many of us are caught in Part D (because our union made a deal), so that our drug costs tripled. So, I am worried about changes in health care though I am satisfied with Medicare and what it provides. But payments to hospitals, doctors, technicians, the drug monopolies must be altered, and I wonder whether that will happen. I check all my statements, and know how crazy the system is, but without it, we who worked all our adult lives, would have a difficult time when we required medical attention. It’s not a right or left problem; it is a univeral problem. With Clinton’s botching the health care dilemma, and Bush raising our costs, I hope we can do better now—but I’m a natural skeptic, so I’m not   convinced.

Well said. You’ve made your position very clear. We have led different lives and we differ greatly in our hopes for this country; however, as you must have noted in my recent responses, issues are complex in my mind, and Obama and other presidents were part of an admnistration. I have no heroes or heroines. I just want improvement in our services, quality of life issues, and understanding among Americans of each other and the world. And I don’t use code words to disguise what I say. I don’t applaud and I don’t praise. I read and watch the daily news, and I correspnd with family and friends who live abroad to find out what our media disguises, misrepresents, mocks.

So, when you are eligible for Medicare, will you refuse to participate? It is a government program, and it offers benefits to many and to those who have had no medical insurance  before. And who was your husband’s employer when he was in the Navy? Somehow, the either-or explanation does not operate in most areas.

 I don’t even use the terms left or right, because I assume that people and their beliefs are more complicated. So bet it! 

And I’ve lived through many administrations, and was born when Hoover was president. However, in this long life, I have never seen a more botched administration of our country and a deficit which has created the mess we’re in right now.

 As for trust, I trust no one, because we are all human and make mistakes, and the last 8 years have taught me that incompetience and arrogance are a dangerous combination. 

I’m responding to 2 replies to my rhetorical question about Hawaii. Ladies, Main Street in America has changed and includes those you do not know, accept, or recognize, because the idyllic environment you read about in your schoolbooks is not the common American experience. What happens in Hawaii is also the American experience, but one you are unfamiliar with. As for your interpretation of Obama’s mother’s life and choices, it appears that you have lived a provincial life among  those who resemble you, and have never engaged in friendships or true connections with others of different ethnic backgrounds, religions, and races. Perhaps, you have been blind to those who lived among you. As for the communist issue you raised, again, your experiences are limited and you are always accusing when, perhaps, you ought to look more deeply into the composition of our country and what it has been and has become. I doubt whether you’d recognize a communist if you met one. 

I hope your children and grandchild have broader experiences, travel overseas, get to work and know neighbors who are invisible to the elders. America is such a complex and interesting country because of the people who inhabit it and come here to expand their lives. And, we do not look alike, have one religion or belief system. Our richness is not in having power, but in having such a comprehensive representation of the world in our midst, but, of course, openness is required to understand  others. 

 I’m a born, bred, educated, well-travelled New Yorker who lived for more than 30 years in the original United Nations community of Americans, foreign service personnel, recent immigrants, men and women who served in the Peace Corps (remember them?), as well as business people from  all over the world, and many of us Americans had lived abroad, married people who had come to the US for education and opportunity. My chldren are I are grateful for our experiences which expanded our knowledge of who is an American, just as our parents, grandparents, and other antecedents who originated elsewhere informed us.

 When I read Obama’s first book, long before his nomination for president, I called  my children to tell them how familiar he seemed, for he could have lived in our New York community. He wasn’t exotic to us, and exotic is a code word, isn’t it? I wish I had met Obama’s mother, because our dreams were similar, and we weren’t plannng on coasting along on the myth of Main Street America, for as a writer  described us, "We are the multitudes." I feel that she and I would have had much to discuss. And, you are mistaken, she was married twice, and she sought to improve the lives of those in a poor country. And, didn’t she die prematurely because she did not have adequate health coverage in the U.S.?

My favorite statement, which I didn’t coin, Maimonides did, is "Nothing human is alien to me." I wish you would think about it.In his speeches in America and abroad, Obama, too, reveals his understanding of diversity and his experience of the world, which are advantages, and they are important because America is part of the world, not an isolated culture devoid of contact with others; how different from our previous administration who probably didn’t know where Iraq was located until the war began.

 As for Republicans and Independents, if all you plan for is how and when you will regain political power, you are suspended in air while  there’s much to be done right now, and forging an alliance with those who are in office is the way to go. The country is changing  while you stand still; get over it! 

I strongly believe that one follows  a dying person’s request. I may not agree with it, but it is a sign of respect and devotion, and in my family, which is mixed, I did, indeed, have an Orthodox funeral for my mother, and my children and I arranged what we called a sensational send off for their father who was  Presbyterian and a immigrant to the U.S. I even found a minister who had known my husband’s overseas family, which was not easy to do, and we held the funeral according to his religion’s rituals.

It may be true that funerals and mourning periods, with which I’m familiar, because I was brought up in a religious Jewish home, are for the survivors, but we have a responsibility toward those we love to do what is required and asked for. I am not observant though I know the burial rituals, such as the cleansing of the body, the hiring of a night mourner to remain with the body until burial,the use of a pine box, and other details, and I honored my mother by following them strictly, and also sat shiva for her. However we disagreed during her lifetime, she knew that I would do as she asked.

I cannot imagine and certainly don’t approve of others interfering with the decision a person makes about his/her funeral; we’d call that chutzpah, and it’s not a compliment! 

As for calling it selfishness to make a request to hold a funeral in a specific manner, whether it is a donation to science, cremation, religious rituals, or whatever is desired, it is absurd for survivors to make demands on their own behalf.  Mourning is inevitable whether rituals are or are not observed. When we say "Rest in peace," that means we have respected the deceased’s decisions.