L#1

Dear Confused, 

I also think that he is depressed.  However I do not think that an ultimatum will work.  A clinically depressed person can not just shake it off or pull themself up by their bootstraps - depression isn’t like having a cold or sprained ankle. Whether or not your marriage works in the end is not the point here.  You made a commitment to this man for some reason - can you be his friend when he needs one most?  You are married to him and so, for now and in the long run, you may be his best hope for eclipsing the huge potential for lifelong struggles if he faces repeated struggles with depression.  Be his friend and seek out the help he is afraid to reach out for.  You find the right clinician and make an appointment for yourself.  You go, you progress and offer him your hand - maybe he will take it, follow you and be helped.  Right now you are pushing him and he is blinded by fear, shame and confusion.  If you just abandon him, now in his weakness, without having done much more than playing the martyr, you will have failed and feel that deeply for the rest of your life.  You owe it to yourself to try to pull him up instead of pushing him.   

I wish you love and light,  E

Heidi - you are every host’s dream guest.  I’ll bet that many people leave out the welcome mat for you.

Nancy - I’ve had some bad houseguests but no one ever handed me their dirty drawers to wash <shudder>

I think that duo have some issues that they may never recognize let alone deal with.  Unfortunate.

I love traveling and if people graciously invite me to their home I can only enjoy it to the fullest when I am able to not only do my share but treat the host(s) as well. 

Hi Lauren - I agree with you completely that the mother is at fault -perhaps she has a co-dependant personality (?).  However this boy is 18 years old and surely he’s been around the block a few times and seen the wider picture by now.  I’d hold him accountable for his current and future behavior - in the eyes of the justice system, employers and the world at large he is responsible.  He has to come to that realization if he is to change his ways. Every day a brand new set of choices lies before us and, barring certain disabilities, we are each capable of wisening up and forging new paths for ourselves.  The mother set him up badly but he holds the keys to his kingdom.  I think that the letter writer can help her brother immensley by being a model for success for her brother - I hope she doesn’t have to move.  

L#2

Dear Sue,

Say nothing unless you want to engage that pair in a confrontation.  Do exactly what Margo said.  

Can you pencil me in at the cottage for a 4 night stay next month?  Heck I’ll bring some wine, groceries, make a delicious meal or two for all present every day during my stay - plus I’ll wash all the linens and towels (my dirty unmentionables will be done in my own washer).  Being a guest in someones home is a privilege and the host deserves to be treated like gold.

I wish you years of great happiness in your new home.  E

L#1

Dear UTY Eyeballs,

your mother will never hate the man your brother becomes - she’ll simply project all the blame for his flaws onto outside sources.  You’d be wrong to heap all of the blame for your brother’s weaknesses onto your mother - he does have free will.  The dance between your mother and brother is theirs to choreograph - stay out of it and always let them know you love them. 

Stay true to your path and maybe they’ll follow. 

Wishing you all the best in your studies.  E

L#2

Dreading,

Do what is expected by the circle.  Nothing less, nothing more.  Find your center and remind yourself to maintain balance throughout the day.  Radiate appreciation to all who come and show some kindness to your family.  There is no doubt that a narcissist’s funeral will draw similar people who need to feed their own egos through making grand testimonials.  Nod and express thanks.  That’s all you can do.

L#1

Dear Mr. Nice Guy,

Your wife may have an internet addiction.  Do some research on the subject.  Addicts are vulnerable to predators and it may be that she is just a joke to her "friend".  Take the high road, be the adult in the house, and try saving her from herself - otherwise she might be in for a mortal wound. 

Its your move!  Good luck hon’.

Hi Bella.  I hope that your father was able to find a more progressive and well-lit path for himself.  Not kind of your mother but at least she left and didn’t put him out. 

It is difficult being sensitive and empathic - however those qualities can point to someone capable of being a great healer.  Have you found that to be true in your life?  It is telling that so little is understood about depression.  I doubt that depression will ever be understood or "fixed" through pharmaceuticals or studies of the minutiae of our bodies and minds.  Maybe it is less an affliction and more the result of opportunities missed, a potential gone off the rails through ignorance of its gift.  I don’t have any answers but I have been there on short excursions and what seemed like neverending spans of time lost at sea.  Depression creates such dysfunction in the lives it touches.  I wonder whether it is supposed to be "suffered" or if it is supposed to be experienced and used in some way.    

Judith Owen has a website with email capability and further contact information. 

http://www.judithowen.net/contact/

Depression is beastly.  Yes.   

L#1

Dear Man-eater,

Leave your ex alone.  People are not your playthings to be alternately toyed with and shelved according to your whims and egocentric appetite.

By the way - why did you get to ask your ex to move out?  If you had any class you would have taken the hit as the one who created the mess.

Wishing you true progress and expansion in your life.

L#2

Dear Miss,

What Margo said.  Appreciate, enjoy and make the most of your time in college. 

Wishing you all the best.

Guiding Light didn’t break records - it burned them into the history books!  Celebrate Guiding Light for its stunning success.  You are not being replaced, you have all just finalized the delivery of this gem to the world and likely blazed the trail for similar programs as they begin to see the light at the end of the tunnel as well.  Broadcast television is metamorphosing.  Time to redefine yourself Ms. Sloan - you’ve got so much left to do!

Wishing you all the best.

Santander Spain.

My daughter was suddenly ill and went to the emergency room. 

Checked in, assessed, diagnosed, given medication, in a taxi (that they kindly requested) on the mend returning to the apartment - all in under 40 minutes.