Sister L. C.  you would be surprised what Caucasians (Whites) and other ethnic groups are curious about.  So ironic that I saw this discussion posted yesterday because listening to the radio at work, I heard a segment on a local pop radio station.  The segment was called, "Ask an African American (AA)—Everything You Want to Know About AA’s, But Are Afraid To Ask".  They solicited the help of a young AA who said he had many close White friends who field strange questions to him from time to time.  The young man appeared to possess the intelligence to answer questions clearly with a bit of humor.  He was relaxed and I was very impressed with his responses to some really strange questions.  I came in when the segment was already underway, but these were the called-in questions that I heard from the audience:

Question: "Why do AAs come out in public with pajamas and house slippers on?"

Response [paraphrased]:  I’ve seen less of this except in immediate neighborhoods.  I know this not to be cultural because I recently saw a White woman in curlers at a local mall.  I thought women in general don’t do that anymore.

Question [paraphrased]:"I was coming home late on the train recently and I noticed that the Whites were looking tired but not asleep whereas the AAs were asleep.  Is it because AAs eyelids shield the light better?"

Response [paraphrased]: (after laughing)  No, I don’t believe the darkness of our eyelid skin has anything to do with it.  The Whites on the train are probably self-conscious about sleeping on the subway and it’s probably due to past experiences on public transportation. The AAs were probably very tired and comfortable nodding off.  I personally avoid public transportation and I’m thankful to have a car because believe me I wouldn’t sleep on the train either.

Question: " Why am I seeing some young AA girls sucking their thumbs?"

Response[paraphrased]:   I have never seen that.  I’m not saying that you are hallucinating, but that’s a very weird question and I don’t have an intelligent response.

That last one could be interpreted as racial, or the guy that asked it could suffer from schizophrenia.  But it made me understand that on the road to breaking ethic and cultural barriers there will be some really awkward moments.  There will be some petty misunderstandings that get blown out of porportion.  But we are on a new path for sure and relations will get easier in time for those really willing to work on it.  You can’t come from a place of defensiveness if you want to be understood.  People tune out a defense, but will listen to an explanation.  That radio segment may be offensive to some AAs where others like the me and the guest look at it as an opportunity to erase negative stereotypes and enforce positive interaction.

God always has a way of making you deal with yourself, face yourself and most importantly accept yourself.  I’ve thought about hair a lot since late last year when I shaved the last of what was left on my head.  I have an autoimmune disease called alopecia areata totalis.  It’s where the immune system attacks hair.  A bald patch that appeared May ‘07 slowly progressed until I had more bald patches than hair.  The depths of despair is where I sank for months before making that final shave.  I lamented over the loss of the hair you see in my picture here.  A great part of my identity was my long, flowing, bouncing and behaving hair.  As the envy of some women, I would graciously answer questions on hair products and styling tips.  Those days are behind me now.  And the doctors don’t offer much hope that I will even have a TWA (Teenie Weenie Afro) in the near future. But they ensure me that this benign disease is not life threatening, a fact that makes me very thankful.

My internist said that I look like Nefertiti and I looked at him like he was going crazy.  I don’t want to look like ancient Egyptian royalty; I want to look like me!! But who is that actually?  I’m still the woman, mother and wife I was before alopecia. I used to know the image in the mirror, now I slowly embrace a new outer identity.  So, the politics of hair is profound and intriguing, but the politics of a bald woman is controversial (very "3rd rail" to quote Belinda).  In the effort of Sisterhood, I believe that we women must focus more on what we have in common than what culturally separates us.  There’s nothing wrong in learning towards the goal of understanding and tolerance. It is wrong to use the knowledge to reinforce negative stereotypes. Women are the superior sex in emotional intelligence and interpersonal relationships. Let’s use those strengths to expand our collective consciousness and support one another.

When I’m out in public in my bald look, it is always the loving smiles from women that enforce my courage to be less self conscious.  I deeply appreciate the empathy.  As a Black woman, I don’t hate my hair or my lack of hair.  I hate the politics of division and strife.

Find a new cause - you’re dead in the water on this one.

‘Cause remember Lin, "Only dead fish go with the flow."

Woman: "This is one hell of a mirage!"