For Prefer:  My family was afflicted by our own "Herman."  After my mother died, her father cut off all contact with our family and pressured other relatives to do so as well, with a good deal of success. 

At first, Dad told us our grandparents were ill and that’s why we couldn’t see them.  Maybe he was hoping our own "Herman" would soften over time, but he didn’t, and eventually, as it became obvious that we weren’t seeing much of our other relatives, either, Dad finally told us that "Herman" had cut us off.  By then we had already gotten used to no birthday or Christmas greetings, no visits, no calls, and we had long since stopped writing our unanswered letters.  

Fast-forward to my young adulthood.  I was visiting another elderly relative - one of the few who had defied "Herman" and maintained contact with us - in a retirement home, and over lunch, he said, "You know, ‘Herman’ is here, if you would want to see him."  That was a surprise - I had no idea where "Herman"had been all those years. I declined to see him, he died a few years later, and I have not one shred of regret.

For Prefer:  My family was afflicted by our own "Herman."  After my mother died, her father cut off all contact with our family and pressured other relatives to do so as well, with a good deal of success. 

At first, Dad told us our grandparents were ill and that’s why we couldn’t see them.  Maybe he was hoping our own "Herman" would soften over time, but he didn’t, and eventually, as it became obvious that we weren’t seeing much of our other relatives, either, Dad finally told us that "Herman" had cut us off.  By then we had already gotten used to no birthday or Christmas greetings, no visits, no calls, and we had long since stopped writing our unanswered letters.  

Fast-forward to my young adulthood.  I was visiting another elderly relative - one of the few who had defied "Herman" and maintained contact with us - in a retirement home, and over lunch, he said, "You know, ‘Herman’ is here, if you would want to see him."  That was a surprise - I had no idea where "Herman"had been all those years. I declined to see him, he died a few years later, and I have not one shred of regret.

Since probably about 2006 or so, I have been convinced that WHOEVER succeeded Bush, whether Dem or Repub, was destined to wade into a neck-deep mud pit and promptly get covered with it, head to toe - thus assuring a one-term Presidency.  By 2006, the subprime lending/housing bubble was already collapsing, the economy was slowing, the budget deficit and national debt were skyrocketing, and we were bogged down in two wars with no exit strategy.  A new President really only has three years to show results, because by then the next election campaign kicks into high gear; but three years is not NEARLY enough time to solve even those few major problems, much less re-create the health care system.

Chris, you said this better than I could have. 

On positive change for women - read about Grameen Bank, a microlender which lends almost exclusively to women in the developing world.  In its early days, Grameen made loans to men, but the money was often spent on personal pleasures, came to nothing, and the bank could not recoup the loans.  Loans made to women were used to develop small businesses, which then brought in income to feed and educate the children and improve the home, and the loans were repaid to the bank.  Having experienced these outcomes repeatedly, Grameen shifted focus almost exclusively to the women.  And one unexpected benefit in many cases is that the husbands, seeing the benefits their wives bring in, abuse them less and respect them more.

I think most actresses look "ordinary" without their makeup, with a few notable exceptions; those exceptions have almost perfectly symmetrical faces, which are very rarely found in nature. 

I am really bothered by the current expectation of plastic surgery, which is fast expanding beyond performers to "regular people" as well.   So something droops.  So your nose is a little off-center, or you have small breasts, or your lips have thinned, or you have a bit of a paunch from your childbearing years, or that turkey wattle under your chin.  So what? 

The thought that these "defects" are so horrific that they practically require surgery - not for medical, but for cultural reasons - is not too far off from something like the female genital mutilation practiced in some cultures.  We raise a hue and cry over that, but our own culture presures women to get cut up and risk infections, loss of sensation, scarring, and even death, just to look like what the public expects.

Yup.  In the recent NYT series on women in the military, a female sergeant was quoted as saying women are assumed to be either a whore, or a dyke, or a bitch, so she chose to be a bitch.  I totally understood her comment.  I chose as she did, especially when arriving in a new unit or taking over a new job.  You can always ease off later when they get to know you.

I don’t know too many Army women who wear a lot of makeup or fancy nail polish.  It’s funny because the Army DOES NOT want its women to be "masculine" but also sets limits on cosmetics so - apparently not too "feminine" either. It’s a balancing act. Female, but kickass.

Now, Air Force is a different culture and the women there are generally more "girly" in my observation, but they seem well accepted so maybe that would be your calling!  Possibly it’s because more of their people are better educated and in highly technical jobs - not very many "grunts" compared to Army - a running inter-service joke is that the Air Force is a bunch of civilians in blue.  

Belinda, I do feel confident, secure, and in control, and I am secure in my marriage.  I do walk confidently and with purpose. I think my looks are just sort of average and I am fine with that.

As far as the discomfort with turning heads: I do think men are sort of sexually predatory in general.  This notion comes from growing up in an all-male household and hearing the remarks that young guys make about girls and women.  No matter the age or looks of the female under discussion, the talk is usually sexually charged in one way or another, and none too respectful.  I determined then that I would never give cause for any truth to such remarks made about me.  Granted, when the boys grow into men they eventually figure out that these remarks are not cool, but you can bet those thoughts are still in their heads.

How this relates to the Army: a very large percentage of the Army is young men, many still in their teens.  Women - especially female officers - are very much in the minority.  Sending sexy messages through your clothes and makeup is NOT compatible with being in charge.  I believe that if guys are thinking about getting you into bed, they are not thinking of you as a leader.  You can’t squash their thoughts entirely, but you want to minimize your sexual identity as much as possible and maximize your officer or soldier identity.  Which brings me to a story:

I was in a military post-graduate school, where there were also many foreign officers. One female officer from Europe was most definitely a head-turner.  We were expected to wear our uniforms on some days and business attire on others.  Her business attire consisted of stiletto heels, very short skirts, tight blouses or jackets, and colorful scarves.  Her hair fell in curls around her shoulders.  She was very pretty, and her makeup was always worthy of Vogue.  One day she asked me why I wore pant suits, kept my hair up the same as in uniform, and never wore makeup - because in her country, to "look nice" was expected.  I told her that, frankly, in the US the men would often take that for "advertising" for a boyfriend, and what I wanted the men to see when they looked at me was not a potential sexual partner, not even a female if that were possible - just another officer, just "Major Kuh."  One of our male classmates was listening in, and she turned to him and asked, "Is that true, about the advertising?"  He replied, "I hate to admit it, but yeah."

I like to look nice but I have never been comfortable "turning heads."  It has happened from time to time when I was dressed for one formal occasion or another, but it  makes me feel like a gazelle at the watering hole being ogled by the lions… men can be predatory.  Normally I stick to jeans but top them off with a sharp jacket, blouse, or flattering sweater; no cheap sweats or t-shirts. And when in skirts, ALWAYS mid-calf.  I look better in short skirts but have no interest in sending that "message."

Chrome, don’t give up your biker boho!  And I’m not giving up my jeans.  My husband was attracted to me for my personality and my mind, not because of stiletto heels.  I think that’s why our marriage has lasted.

For LW#2, It sounds like a great relationship, but I think Margo is absolutely right about designating a strong advocate for yourself.  Discuss this with hubby and with your desired advocate, and do this in writing, with limited power of attorney and living will to boot. 

The biggest fear I would have is that something happens to me and my hubby can’t make decisions on my medical situation, much less other things coming up at home - say the water heater breaks, or a pipe leaks and damages your drywall and carpet.  With a weak decision maker acting for you, you may not get the best or most timely care yourself, and then come home weeks later and have to deal with those other situations too, during your recovery.  And in a situation where you are completely incapacitated and your desire would be to terminate medical interventions - that is a HUGE decision so you need that in writing now, and an advocate who will follow up for you.

This guy is interesting.  It’s not so much that he is trying to resurrect a dinosaur a la Jurassic Park; he is trying to get ancient, now-latent dinosaur genes to be expressed in bird development.  According to him, if he does manage to create "dinochicken," it would look like a dinosaur, but still be a chicken with all the same chicken genes.

Then again, a 10-foot tall chicken with teeth and grasping limbs is not a comforting thought, ha!

Business:  renewable green energy; mass transit; walkable residential/business developments on the European model.

Government:  high-quality public education for all.

What I really want is a DRAFT any time this nation goes to war.  I know the arguments about unfairness, about training and integration problems, etc. - and it need not be all that many people - but there MUST be some sense that anyone, or anyone’s child, could be called to into combat. Only then will we have a truly watchful public that pays attention to what the hell Congress is signing them up for.  Right now I feel that most of the public barely cares and can’t even find Iraq or Afghanistan on a map, because oh, well, it’s not my kid; and worse, the ever-callous "They’re volunteers, they signed up for it."

As for my statistics, I stand by my point.  Historically, typically only 1% of the US population is in the military.  About 9% are veterans.  And point taken on family members, but they did not enlist, even though they are strongly affected by their loved one’s service.